[blindkid] Need help

[H. Field]

Hello Kim,
You're probably not going to like my response much but, it is based on 
my experience of reality as a blind person who has always chosen my 
own goals and then found a way to achieve them. It has been my 
experience that, if my goals are things that others don't think that I 
should be trying to achieve, then they generally have, at best, been 
unsupportive and, at worse, obstructive.

I was mainstreamed into a high school with 1,700 students in it. My 
mother never visited the school from the day I started to the day I 
graduated. My books - braille - were supplied by the tvi's and they 
also brailed my exams and wrote out my answers onto the exam paper. 
After that ... I was on my own. If I wanted to take part in a certain 
sport, it was up to me to convince them that it was possible and prove 
it. If I needed help in the musicals ... then I organised it for 
myself. I did not expect that teachers had to do extra for me - more 
than they might do for any other student. Now, if we examine the 
principles and the ethics of the situation, the teachers were 
obligated to teach me. However, if I wanted what I wanted then it was 
up to me to go after it and get it, rather than waiting for concerned 
teachers to do things for me. The result of all this was that, when I 
left high school, I was able to organise my college years, whether it 
was rides and shopping, readers and library assistance or invites to 
parties and introductions to the cool people. I would have died of 
embarrassment if my mother had called a meeting with school personnel 
to discuss how no one was helping me when I was a senior.

The bottom line is, if your daughter wants to learn the dance moves 
then she needs to make friends and influence people into thinking that 
it would be a freally fun thing for everyone concerned to get together 
with her and show her the moves. Your daughter decided that this was 
her goal. So, she should make it happen. It's not the teacher's 
problem or, for that matter, is it yours. At age eighteen your 
daughter will be legally considered an adult. She's hardly preparing 
for this status by expecting you to run around trying to make everyone 
help her. The time has well and truly come for your daughter to be 
making her own life work for her. If she doesn't have the people 
skills to make the other students want to work with her, then the sad 
truth is that she is going to find dancing in the musical a goal 
unlikely to be achieved.

This experience might even be a valuable one for her. If she doesn't 
manage to learn the dancing and is excluded from the musical, then she 
may start working on developing the skills and life habits to ensure 
that she doesn't have another experience like this again.

Some years ago I enrolled in a night course at a private college to 
learn spanish. I had organised ahead of time to have the text-book 
brailed. The first night of the course the instructor said that she 
hated the text-book but had been forced to use it by the college. She 
told us that she wasn't going to use it and that she was going to give 
out very large handouts every week. These were to be our handouts. I 
spent several weeks working with other students and attempting to have 
the instructor read what she was writing on the board. I was testing 
at the top of the class but I was not enjoying all the effort it was 
requiring. So, I made a decision to drop the class. I could have gone 
to the administration of the college and caused all sorts of misery 
for the instructor. In my years at formal college I had done just that 
very successfully. But this course was different. I had taken it for 
pleasure. When it became not worth the hassle to me I simply dropped 
it. This is a judgement call that only the blind person can make.

I would also encourage you to follow up every e-mail with a phone 
call. If you want teachers and other education personnel to work with 
you, then you are going to have to speak with them every time you wish 
to interact with them. It is very easy for busy people to ignore an 
unpleasant situation just by ignoring one of many daily e-mails. It is 
much harder when one must deal with a reacting/responding, 
questioning/reasoning person on the other end of the phone. However, I 
would encourage you to think carefully about what you wish to achieve 
from your upcoming meeting. Looking at your letter and reading your 
e-mails, it appears you want to tell everyone how angry you are with 
them for their lack of professionalism toward your daughter and then 
try to make them agree to work with her. Trying to make them do the 
right thing doesn't seem like it will do much good given the history 
of the relationship between them and your daughter so far. Basically, 
they don't want to do anything special for her. Even if you get 
assurances and apologies, what guarantee do you have that things will 
improve. It's so close to your daughter graduating that there's no 
time to do any long-term relationship building. Finally, excluding 
your daughter from the process of trying to make people accountable 
seems counter-productive to me. It's high time she learned to advocate 
for herself. Being a good advocate means that you hear peoples' 
genuine grievances, whether they are hurtful and upsetting or not. 
Only then do you have a true grasp of the situation in which you are 
trying to advocate for yourself. I know this seems like a real problem 
now but it really is your daughter's problem. The more you make it her 
problem the less she will wait for you to solve it for her by making 
others deal with her blindness. She needs to get lots of practise 
finding solutions for her own challenges.

Sorry if this sounds hard but I'm speaking from experience. Life can 
be hard for all of us, blind or sighted. The sooner we learn to deal 
with unfair people the happier we, and those who care about us, will 
all be.

Regards,

Heather

From: "Kim Cunningham" <kim at gulfimagesphoto.com>
To: " (for parents of blind children)NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List" 
<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2009 5:38 PM
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Need help


Debbie,
You have valid points. Kayleigh and I discussed who would be the 
appropriate person to help her. Since all of the other girls are also 
learning the routines at the same time as she is, we thought it should 
be someone who wasn't in the musical. I asked the case manager to 
speak with the teacher who is over the dance team at the school. I 
thought maybe one of them might be interested in getting some 
volunteer hours that could be credited towards National Honor Society 
or volunteer hours needed by colleges. I did offer to pick up and take 
this student home. This option also fell through for us as no one 
responded to the request. I can't even be certain the case manager met 
with anyone about it. My husband went one evening and video taped one 
of the rehearsals thinking that one of us could help, but it was far 
to confusing for me. Many of the kids were moving in many directions. 
It is the type of dancing where many people are on the stage moving to 
various
 locations. In one routine there were about 40 kids on stage with 
different groups doing little dances and then moving to another 
location where they would do another dance. It is very confusing and 
you really need to be on stage with the other kids to keep oriented. 
 I have two left feet and I am totally uncoordinated to boot! Our 
only option left was for someone to be on stage with her to verbally 
give her the feedback as to what needed to happen. I feel as though I 
have exhausted all of my options and can't think of anything else.
Thank you for you help. I have an ARD scheduled for Thursday, so we'll 
see what happens then.
Regards,
Kim
--- On Tue, 12/15/09, Deborah Kent Stein <dkent5817 at worldnet.att.net> 
wrote:


From: Deborah Kent Stein <dkent5817 at worldnet.att.net>
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Need help
To: "NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)" 
<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Date: Tuesday, December 15, 2009, 3:40 PM




Dear Kim,

It makes total sense that you are frustrated with the school, and the 
choir director in particular. However, it sounds as though time is of 
the essence, as rehearsals are moving forward and Kayleigh needs 
desperately to catch up. Is it possible for her to ask a couple of 
the other dancers to help her outside school? Maybe you could drive 
her to someone's house for a practice? I'm concerned that more 
precious time will be lost while the situation is discussed in 
meetings and the choir director comes up with excuses. Could you 
watch a rehearsal and try to help Kayleigh at home?

Debbie

----- Original Message ----- From: "LESLEY FISCHER" 
<lesleyfischer at dishmail.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)" 
<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2009 1:55 PM
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Need help


Kim,
That is a great letter. She is lucky to have you as her mother. I do 
think
that something should have been done a long time ago by the school. 
You are
right if they are doing this to her & getting away with it who knows 
how
they have & will treat any of the future kids. Keep us posted.
Lesley

On Tue, Dec 15, 2009 at 10:04 AM, Kim Cunningham 
<kim at gulfimagesphoto.com>wrote:

> I am having a problem with my daughter's school and I need your 
> help. I
> have composed the letter below to send to all the school board 
> members as
> all of my other pleas for help have fell on deaf ears. I would 
> appreciate
> your opinions on how I should handle this matter. I have done 
> nothing but
> fight for a equal education all my daughter's life. She is a senior 
> now and
> I am at the point where I just want to throw the towel in and say 
> "whatever
> - I'm too tired to continue this!". I'm sorry the letter is long, 
> but I
> needed to state all the facts. My daughter actually gave a speech to 
> the
> school board two years ago about the problems she has had in 
> receiving an
> education as a blind student. Of course, this only led to bickering 
> within
> the board members and the school lawyer. Not much came of the 
> ordeal....
> Please give me your feedback...I will not send the letter to the 
> board
> until I calm down.
> Regards,
> Kim Cunningham
>
> Dear All,
>
> I am so upset right now that I pray I can write a civilized email to
> everyone. There has been an issue for the past 3 months or so, 
> concerning my
> daughter, Kayleigh receiving extra help to learn the dance routines 
> for the
> upcoming PHS school musical. Kayleigh tried out and won a part as a 
> member
> of a singing and dancing group. Kayleigh was very aware that her 
> dancing
> part of the audition didn’t go very well, but she was chosen 
> nonetheless.
> Kayleigh knew from previous small routines done within the choir 
> that she
> was going to have a hard time "visually" learning the routines since 
> she is
> partially blind. Kayleigh is very capable of learning the routines, 
> but she
> needs someone to give her more than visual instruction.
> We all know that Kayleigh is considered "special education" due to 
> her
> blindness and has IEP's as part of the ARD process. One of 
> Kayleigh's IEP's
> has been to advocate her needs. Kayleigh has done this repeatedly 
> with
> regard to looking for someone who could give her extra instruction 
> to learn
> her part. Kayleigh has asked for help from her case manager, Mrs. 
> Harris
> (numerous emails and conversations), and her choir teacher, Mr. 
> Bready.
> There have been four or five rehearsals so far and NO ONE has been
> designated yet to help Kayleigh before, during, or after rehearsals!
> Kayleigh says she feels "foolish" because she knows she isn't 
> dancing and
> moving like everyone else. Last week, Kayleigh asked Mr. Bready 
> again for
> help and was told by Mr. Bready to ask Shannon (a student and
> choreographer/helper with the musical) to help her. The girls 
> decided to
> meet on Monday, Dec. 14 prior to the evening’s rehearsal for one 
> on one
> help. Of course, Shannon was
>Â not there after school yesterday and Kayleigh again received no 
>help
> during rehearsal; however she continued to try to do the best she 
> could.
> I requested two weeks ago in an email to Mrs. Harris, to have an ARD 
> to
> discuss how we were going to assist Kayleigh with this problem as 
> everyone
> was ignoring both our requests for assistance. I emailed Mr. Bready 
> asking
> about Kayleigh getting help, and I also email Mr. Berger (school 
> principal)
> requesting assistance with this matter. NO ONE CONTACTED ME ON ANY 
> ACTION!
> NO ONE CALLED ME! NO ONE EMAILED ME!
> Now......now, I find out that the choir director, Mr. Bready had the
> audacity to say during last night's rehearsal to Charles (the main
> choreographer). "When are we going to start removing some of the bad
> dancer's and specifically stated Kayleigh as being a bad dancer. 
> This was
> told to me by someone who heard this discussion. She is a trusted 
> student
> who knows my daughter and knows of Kayleigh's troubles in finding
> help. Thank God, the main choreographer said that he didn't want
> to pull Kayleigh as he could see she was trying to learn the 
> routine.
> Ultimately, I don’t know who will have the final say – the 
> choreographer or
> the choir director. How can Mr. Bready call himself a teacher? 
> Kayleigh
> asked him for help and now he wants to punish her for not learning 
> what she
> asked help for? This must have crushed Kayleigh as she learned of 
> this as I
> was dropping her off to school. What kind of school is Pearland High 
> School?
> What kind of message are
>Â you sending to my daughter? I am hurt and deeply angered that 
>Kayleigh
> heard this. She is already self-conscious about her dancing ability. 
> I am
> sure her spirit is deeply wounded.
> Kayleigh designed her whole schedule this year around the fact that 
> she
> wanted an opportunity to be in a musical. This was a goal of hers 
> for the
> year. She told the entire ARD committee last year of her plans. She 
> tried
> out for musical and made it. We were so proud of her. Kayleigh is so
> distraught over the situation that I wished she would have never 
> even tried.
> It breaks my heart to see my daughter hurting.
> I'm not sure what my next step is concerning this matter. I do 
> expect that
> a dialog should happen with Kayleigh and let her know if she is a 
> valued
> part of the musical cast or if she is going to be removed. I don't 
> want her
> anguish to continue....
> Mr. Bready has been mainly non-compliant with Kayleigh's 
> accommodations. He
> often forgets to have her work enlarged and gives her no 
> considerations for
> her blindness. I enlarge many pieces of music (at my own cost) so 
> she will
> be sure to have it. I also paid to have the script printed in large 
> format
> and bound, again, so she was sure to have it. Kayleigh's 
> accommodations are
> meant for ALL classes. Kayleigh has not wanted me to say anything to 
> Mr.
> Bready about these issues because she wanted to try on her own and 
> is afraid
> that he will hold it against her if I complain. This has moved out 
> of her
> hands now and into mine as I won't take it any longer.
> I don’t know if this problem warrants a complaint against 
> Kayleigh’s right
> to participate as a student, or if this is a discrimination issue 
> because of
> her blindness, or simply a moral issue about attitudes of 
> differently abled
> people.
> I just thought that you should know how my daughter has been 
> treated. If
> this can happen to my daughter, how many others is this happening 
> to? You
> are the society that deems her as "disabled" when she is perfectly
> able......
> Regards,
> Kim Cunningham
>
>
>
>
>
>
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