[blindkid] Cane Travel for 4 year Old

[Richard Holloway]

Thanks. I do not want to mislead anyone. We've had our share of issues  
and our can use has been a battle at times, especially in the early  
years. Still, we've made every effort to keep a cane in her hand and  
to avoid getting the cane in the middle of any reactions for  
misbehaving even when the cane was involved. One thing I did not  
underscore is that keeping sighted guide to an absolute minimum also  
increases the understanding of the need for a cane and just how  
helpful a cane can be for a blind child. Coach your child verbally  
with only their cane in hand. "What's your cane telling you now?" (etc.)

Our cane also still occasionally gets tossed down in anger. That may  
mean a short time of having no cane because she simply will not hold  
it, but those things are typically moments long or perhaps a few  
minutes... If a child tosses town a cane and then acts upset because  
they have lost their bearings and you say "I guess you should not have  
thrown that down" and you stand and wait, offering a bit of verbal  
assistance if needed to help the child find the cane. This seems (or  
at least seemed in our case) to have a strong impression-- I expect  
the thought is "hey, I need this thing-- I'd better not throw it  
down"...

Much like letting her stumble at a curb, letting her find a dropped or  
thrown cane on her own sounds sort of mean at first, but I'm watching  
to keep her safe all the while, knowing that one day she will drop her  
cane out in public alone and that had better not be the first time she  
has to solve THAT problem...

I have definitely grabbed a flailing cane from her had more than once  
but I also explain why I grabbed it and give it back as soon as I  
think I will not get a smart blow to the face (or somewhere worse)  
with the thing after a melt-down passes. And again, every situation is  
unique, but if one can avoid taking a cane away that is surely the  
best ting for a child long-term...

Richard




On Dec 18, 2009, at 8:11 AM, LESLEY FISCHER wrote:

> Richard,
> I applaud you on what you did for your child & it worked for you!I  
> dont
> know much about your child but from what you just wrote it does not  
> sound
> like you had to deal with sever behavioral issues?- (maybe you did  
> but from
> what I read it didnt sound like that.) I wish that all kids caught  
> on so
> easy without problems. Kristy has Bardet-Biedl syndrome & with that  
> came
> sever issues with her behavior. There has been times that her cane  
> was not
> taken away but a privilege of hers, something that she may have  
> earned &
> that meant allot to her at the time. Yes I still use the reward system
> also. There has also been times where she used it as a weapon  
> because she
> was mad about something & has hit other people with it or things in  
> public.
> She can be set off by the littlest things & OMG sometimes you are  
> better off
> just packing up & going home! I can say that getting hit in the leg  
> full
> force really hurts! Most people do not understand issues that kids  
> with this
> syndrome have & I was not saying that every parent should take a  
> cane away
> from every child child just because. I dont know every detail of  
> what is
> wrong with any of these kids on this list & I was stating different  
> things I
> had to do for my child, maybe to give someone else ideas? What works  
> for one
> parent may not work for another- everyone is different. I am not  
> mean to
> her- but I do what I need to do to protect her & others around her  
> when
> a situation calls for it. Plus its very important to me to teach her
> respect for others & others things & what is acceptable behavior not  
> only in
> public but all the time. At the time a few of the teachers at the  
> Minnesota
> State Academy for the Blind in Faribault suggested that I take it  
> away. Yes
> they have had to do this with other kids there too.  It was not for a
> extended time frame & it was for her & others safety- it was just  
> until she
> calmed down & was ready to reason & start over. Her tantrums or  
> issues-
> whatever someone may call it- lasted for hours & hours at times. Of  
> course
> if there is a child that does not have these issues but still  
> refuses to use
> the cane the right way then I suggested to take a privilege away. I am
> not upset what you wrote  :-)  I just felt I needed to clarify what  
> I meant.
> I am not a "mean" mom- LOL even if she thought I was at the time-LOL  
> Just
> like you & probably allot of others on this list we all did things
> differently & by no means where any of us mean to our kids. It would  
> be nice
> if they came with instructions thou.. LOL LOL.  Oh also Kristy is not
> completely blind-right now she has "some" (but not much) central  
> vision. At
> the time we had to do this she had better vision & was able to see  
> ok but
> would run into things if it was out of her field of vision. Now she is
> legally blind & its worse for her to see much & she relies on her  
> cane more
> now then when I had these issues with her. If at the time she was  
> completely
> blind I know things would have been done differently.
> Not to change the subject but I was wondering if anyone had a time  
> with
> their child where they realized that they are going blind & that  
> they know
> you can see but they cant?  Kristy has been asking me why her eyes  
> dont work
> like mine do & why she is going blind. It broke my heart- I cried- &  
> she
> cries sometimes. Of course I tell her thats just the way she was  
> born & that
> just because she can not see very well there are other things that  
> she can
> do that she is good at.  I try to stay positive about it -its hard.  
> She is
> the type of kid that only opens up to me & wont talk about things  
> with her
> teachers or other people. Right now the last year I noticed she lost  
> so much
> of her vision that she uses her hands to feel for things or puts  
> things up
> to her mouth to figure out what it is. We string beads a lot & she  
> will put
> the bead up to her lips to find the hole & turn it around & around  
> until she
> finds it & she marks it with her finger so she knows where to put the
> string. She has about 30 pet shop animals in a bag that she uses as  
> bath
> toys & she can identify all of them just by touch. Its great that  
> she is
> learning these skills & that she can modify everyday things so she  
> can do
> them! But its so hard to sit here & see this & I cant do anything to  
> bring
> her sight back. I tried to search out other families with this same  
> syndrome
> locally but so far, nothing. As a parent you always try to bring out  
> the
> positive & to show them that no matter how they are- with exception of
> course- that they can do anything to the best of their ability. I do  
> think
> that I have a harder time with her vision loss then she does. Maybe  
> its
> because she does not know any different & this is normal to her.  
> Maybe its
> because I am the one with vision I know everything that she will  
> miss out on
> in life. Either way it might be at the time, it makes me sad & I  
> have a hard
> time dealing with it & it breaks my heart.
> Lesley
>
> On Thu, Dec 17, 2009 at 10:03 PM, Richard Holloway <rholloway at gopbc.org 
> >wrote:
>
>> I would differ with the suggestions of taking away a blind child's  
>> cane
>> ever unless you are stopping outrageous flailing and smashing and  
>> even in
>> that case I would try not to put it in the context of "I'm taking  
>> away your
>> cane for bad behavior" and I'd return it as quickly as reasonably  
>> possible.
>> Having a cane is not a "reward" for good behavior anymore than  
>> "allowing" a
>> non-walking child to have wheelchair in which to sit and travel. I  
>> don't
>> think anyone who suggested taking away a cane intends it to come  
>> across to a
>> child that way to a child, but having a cane is, IMHO, a right and  
>> our kids
>> need to understand that from very early on. I have heard too many  
>> tales of
>> schools taking kids canes away for misbehaving and I find that notion
>> entirely unacceptable.
>>
>> I don't mean to step on other's toes but I feel quite strongly  
>> about this--
>> I would pity the school employee who first tries such a thing with  
>> my child
>> for example. My reaction would be rather pronounced and unpleasant.  
>> I would
>> much prefer rewarding proper cane use with something my child likes  
>> or
>> taking away something for misuse other than the cane itself.
>>
>> NFB style canes have much less mass at the tip of the cane than  
>> many other
>> styles so one nice thing is that there is less damage to be done  
>> from at
>> least fairly moderate cane misuse-- possibly another reason to look  
>> at the
>> NFB canes. I also agree that the greatly increased vibro-tactile  
>> feedback
>> from an NFB cane may automatically reduce some of the banging about  
>> to begin
>> with.
>>
>> We have been through cane battles with several O&M people and  
>> simply told
>> them that we want Kendra to use this stye of cane. If they want to  
>> discuss
>> alternatives, that's fine-- we'll listen but WE decide. This is  
>> ultimately a
>> parental decision for children and a personal one for adult cane  
>> travelers.
>> We did even use a different cane for a short time because Kendra  
>> wanted to
>> use it, but the reason was most likely that it was more like her O&M
>> teacher's teaching cane. We let her try it because she refused to  
>> use the
>> cane we wanted and we figured it better to use SOME cane than to  
>> refuse at
>> all,  then we shifted away from it as soon as we could get her  
>> using her NFB
>> cane again with minimal resistance. (We later got the instructor to  
>> change
>> to an NFB cane herself, BTW...)
>>
>> We started our cane use around 18 months and insisted on it being  
>> used as
>> opposed to the recommended "pre-cane devices" (big clunky things  
>> made of
>> PVC). When Kendra was quite small she would drag her cane behind  
>> her but we
>> figured that was better than nothing-- she was learning that her  
>> cane went
>> with her when she was traveling, always. After a while we got it in  
>> front of
>> her most of the time but it tended to "float". Sometimes we'd say  
>> "tap-tap"
>> to her and she'd start to tap it in front of her. Sometimes we'd  
>> ask her
>> what her cane was telling her and remind her that it would not tell  
>> her
>> anything if it wasn't touching or tapping the ground.
>>
>> One thing that I think was pretty effective though she may have been
>> slightly older than 4 (but not a lot older) was to intentionally  
>> walk her
>> into things, but carefully. I was not being mean, I promise you--  
>> if we were
>> heading for our front steps for example, I'd make certain not to  
>> break my
>> pace as I headed towards the stairs (that would let her know we  
>> were close
>> to the stairs) and if her cane was in the air, she'd trip and go  
>> forward.
>> Here's the safety precaution-- I'd be ready to catch her before she  
>> would do
>> a face-plant. She quickly improved her cane position! I'll still do  
>> the same
>> thing now and then with a curb or similar low item that would be  
>> easy to
>> find with a cane so long as it is not "floating". She makes that  
>> mistake a
>> lot less now and so far she has never actually fallen. Also, I did  
>> not
>> always do this-- just now and then, to keep her on her toes... I  
>> think it
>> was helpful.
>>
>> Now if there were cars nearby or friends watching her, I would not  
>> do this
>> intentionally-- this is intended to teach her what can happen with  
>> minimal
>> danger, not to embarrass her and certainly not to harm her. The  
>> fact of the
>> matter is that if we don't let our kids experience little trips and  
>> bumps,
>> when it is time for them to be walking alone with nobody there to  
>> catch
>> them, then they really will get hurt.
>>
>> In a similar way, we used to guard things that she might walk into  
>> with a
>> really sharp corner but let her bump into things less hazardous as  
>> she'd
>> learn her way around places. Now we generally don't need to worry  
>> about that
>> because she knows how to move about and explore with reasonable  
>> safety.
>>
>> Most recently (but only starting around age 6) Kendra became more  
>> aware of
>> an adult friend and fellow cane traveler's cane sounds. She  
>> basically tuned
>> into this on her own and started asking about it, so she learned  
>> and really
>> began to understand that other blind people including blind adults  
>> use canes
>> and they tap them when they walk. Now we can ask her if she's using  
>> her cane
>> like our friend and she immediately begins to tap and use her cane  
>> in step
>> if she has stopped doing so...
>>
>> I know I have digressed from the original question a bit, but I  
>> wanted to
>> underscore there is progression and in our case it seemed to follow  
>> from
>> reward (often just praise) for first using the cane at all and then  
>> only for
>> proper use, then progressed to having consequences tripping and  
>> crashing
>> into things when she didn't use it properly, and then to feeling  
>> like she
>> was acting like a respected role model by using a cane like he  
>> does. That's
>> really not so different from the way kids learn about a lot of  
>> things I
>> suppose...
>>
>> Richard
>>
>>
>>
>>
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