[blindkid] Putting pressure on the school district

Carrie Gilmer carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
Sun Mar 15 18:36:14 UTC 2009


You can be nice. You should be "nice", if by nice you mean: level kind tone,
no personal attacks, no demeaning put downs directly to people, put your
"attack" to the facts and the problem-not the people, factual and polite. I
think we get the definition of "nice" wrong sometimes. Civility is "nice"
you can be tough minded and soft hearted. Is it just mere "niceness" that
allows someone to go on NOT DOING THEIR JOB? We are not either saying they
are not nice. I mean what is NICE? Define it. And what place does it have
here?

'Ok they really get it this time", is not "nice", it is trying to believe
they will "get it" it is usually vastly underestimating what it takes to
"get it" when it comes to blindness and low vision.

They typically choose not to do it because they truly don't believe deep
down. 

 
 
Carrie Gilmer, President
National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
Home Phone: 763-784-8590
carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
www.nfb.org/nopbc
-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of holly miller
Sent: Sunday, March 15, 2009 11:08 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Putting pressure on the school district

Carrie,
there is lots of food for thought in this.
I do have a momma bear side but she's kind of shy.
I think of myself as a strong, intelegant person but yet there is still this
deep rooted Disney princess need to be "nice".  Ugh!!!
The district staff are all very nice, intelegent women.  Moms themselves.
I walk out of a meeting thinking "Ok, they really get it this time!!!"
And of course, they don't.  Or are deliberatly choosing not to do "it" even
though they get "it"
I need to stop waiting for them to be reasonable and make them do their job
whether they like it or not.

Holly

On Sat, Mar 14, 2009 at 6:51 PM, Carrie Gilmer
<carrie.gilmer at gmail.com>wrote:

> Dear Holly,
>
> You brought up something that one of these days we will get an article on,
> but for now I zip it out there between laundry loads and preparing for
> company and confirming registrations...I am feeling like an octopus...wish
> I
> actually had eight arms. I am also low on patience for these people today,
> so be forewarned.
>
>
>
> "Can't we all get along???" I made what I feel are great mistakes early in
> the trying to get along, being flexible, being patient, giving the benefit
> of the doubt, naively trusting professionals, compromising too much,
> returning trust over and over after it was broken...
>
>
>
> There is a big difference between "getting along" and "going along". I
> realized that I had done nothing unreasonable or outside the law or even
> uncivil yet they always made me feel as if I was a nut and rude and in one
> ear and out the other. Finally I realized I was going along with
> inappropriateness at the cost of trying to get along. I realized it was
> getting worse instead of better. My getting along had done nothing real to
> improve my son's services in any substantial way. Yet my son's education
> was
> for years not free and not appropriate. While I was trying to "get along"
> he
> "went along" being harmed. That cost is too high!
>
>
>
> You can't "get along" with injustice. Look, if these people had wanted to
> comply with the law they would have done so. If they cared about Braille
> literacy and his need for it this would have been done. If they believed
> you
> were a full partner on the team...done, history. If they believed he
needed
> it you would have no argument, they would have done just very simply what
> is
> their job and followed protocol and the law. You wouldn't "go along" with
> injustice either. It is time to quit believing they will "do the right
> thing" on their own, if they were it would be done. I know I said I hope
> this is the last letter (I know I was hoping for miracles-but hey, I never
> give up hoping), and maybe they will get it right, but if they were going
> to
> do it on their own, that letter, making them aware, should have brought an
> apology and an immediate meeting to get it right--if their intent was
> clearly to make it right (meaning they acknowledge too what has gone
> wrong).
>
>
>
> It doesn't mean they won't do it, I think from all you have described
> though, they will not do it without extreme pressure. And then you will
> likely have serious things to think of and monitor if the teacher herself
> does not believe. A teacher cannot teach something well that they do not
> believe in, IT is impossible. Your challenge is to not only get them to do
> it, but to believe in doing it. You will have to create tension or they
> will
> not budge. There is nothing wrong with tension. Tension can be civil.
> Nothing moves without tension. They DO NOT CARE like YOU DO. YOU are
HANK's
> real advocate, they will never care like you, of course not, Hank is not
> their child.
>
>
>
> You are contesting now the fact that no proper IEP exists and you have
> realized he should have had Braille. You are contesting or rather
> protesting: It was THEIR legal obligation to eval for Braille if they were
> not going to do it or provide for giving it to him the day he stepped on
> their property with a visual disability qualification for service NOT the
> day you told them about it! They are in non-compliance with the law on
> several points and they must come into immediate compliance or you
continue
> to make the complaint to higher authority.
>
>
>
> They don't HAVE to provide a draft before the meeting, it is recommended,
> they CAN, SO CAN YOU, but they CAN NOT write the final or make decisions
> BEFORE the meeting. This is different because they are having to back
> track.
> They were out of compliance with the law when they made the last IEP, on
> that point alone on Braille they need to come into compliance immediately
> and a meeting needs to be called to consider placement and the how to and
> where s and whens of providing Braille adequately whether or not this was
> his annual time. They also could very well owe you compensatory hours back
> to the day when he stepped on their property and they began service
without
> considering Braille.
>
>
>
> Federal law states that the LEA must comply with parent request for any
> educational records that are collected maintained or used by the LEA
>
>  WITHOUT UNNECESSARY delay and BEFORE ANY IEP MEETING REGARDING AN IEP.
AND
> IN NO CASE MORE THAN 45 DAYS after the request has been made.
>
>
>
> I've been reading a great book on the effective leadership style of Dr.
> Martin Luther King Jr. by Donald Phillips. I enter these steps from one
> chapter, I wish I had had this when my son was in first grade. It is a
> great
> book and I highly recommend it. If I could afford it and they would not
> think me a dictator I would buy every one of my leaders the book and
> require
> the reading of it (smile). I will put in one of his quotes in quotation
> marks after a step, otherwise,
>
>  Any (comments) are my own.
>
>
>
> 1.    Seek dialogue to discuss conscerns. (This you have done, but
> unfortunetly in tryin gto "get along" we keep seeking dialouge to discuss
> concerns.sometimes of months an dyears. Meanwhile our child is growing up
> and the windows for the learning opportunities get smaller.
>
> 2.    Create a crisis. (these things don't happen, they don't FEEL it
> unless
> we make a crisis for them-this is not us being bad!) "We set out to
> precipitate a crisis situation that must open the door to negotiation. I
am
> not afraid of the words 'crisis' and 'tension'. Innante in all of life,
and
> all growth is tension. Only in death is there an absence of tension. To
> cure
> injustices, YOU MUST EXPOSE THEM BEFORE THE LIGHT OF HUMAN CONSCIENCE AND
> THE BAR OF PUBLIC OPINION." MLK, Jr. (you seek to raise the moral
> conscience
> of those on the team-you may not succeed with all, maybe not even the TVI,
> but seek to do it with those who have the most power.)
>
> 3.    Set out demands and conditions.
>
> 4.    Stay firm and keep up the pressure.
>
> 5.    Meet and regroup with your team. (This means you actually GOT a
team,
> get a team so you are not alone)
>
> 6.    Be prepared to intensify pressure if demands are not met.
>
> 7.    Insist on a plan of implementation and create a committee to assure
> follow-through (the IEP should have a clear list of implementation plan
and
> who is responsible and what is the chain of command for complaints if
> further non compliance)
>
> 8.    Show good faith, use discretion, and allow the opposition a graceful
> way out (this is key-you may have to work with some of them for man years
> yet-give them help them save face as best as you can as you raise their
> moral conscience and awareness of Braille)
>
> 9.    Praise the other side (when ever you can for what ever is RIGHT and
> when it is done, praise them for their efforts)
>
> 10.Stick to the agreement (make sure they do and make sure you do your
part
> as a parent: learn Braille yourself and get them readgin g at home-meaning
> once you get it don't leave it all up to the school)
>
>
>
> Okay the dryer has buzzed four times.....
>
>  BTW very good plan not to go with the hot pink swirly binder for the
> meetings, nice restraint (smile)I think you are going to do well for  Hank
> Holly, he is lucky to have you for a mom, and you are well on your way.
>
>
>
> Carrie Gilmer, President
>
> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>
> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>
> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
>
> Home Phone: 763-784-8590
>
_______________________________________________
blindkid mailing list
blindkid at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindkid_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blindkid:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindkid_nfbnet.org/carrie.gilmer%40gm
ail.com





More information about the BlindKid mailing list