[blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident

Sat Nov 7 22:17:32 UTC 2009

Appreciate the lesson!
Blessings,
Sue H.

On Sat, Nov 7, 2009 at 8:38 AM, Mike Freeman <k7uij at panix.com> wrote:

> Right on, Carrie! Your message below is bang on-target!
>
> Let me tell you about an incident that occurred when I was in either
> ninth or tenth grade, attending a public high school. Two other fellows
> and I were eating lunch in what was called the "cafatorium" -- it served
> both as an auditorium (folding chairs) and the lunchroom. All three of
> us had brought our lunches. WE had several lines -- a hot lunch line, a
> sandwich line and a snack line. You could tell how good the hot lunch
> was by how long the sandwich line was.
>
> All three of us had brought our lunches but one of the two guys saw
> something in the snack line that looked delectable so he decided to go
> up and buy it to supplement his lunch. While he was in the snack line,
> the other guy (not I) noticed that the fellow had brought a slice of
> birthday cake in his lunch (the day before had been his birthday)and
> quickly yanked the slice of cake out of the other fellow's lunch sack
> (it was chocolate -- a crucial detail) and placed it on the chair of the
> guy in the snack line. When the victim-to-be returned, he didn't look
> and immediately sat down! Obviously, this resulted in cake all over his
> posterior and, of course, suggested to the casual observer that
> something else entirely -- something acutely embarrassing -- had
> happened to him. The victim knew right away what had happaned and we
> darn near had a fist fight right there in the cafatorium. In any event,
> he had to go home and change pants! The perpetrator of the joke and I
> thought it inordinately funny. I suppose I shouldn't admit this but I'm
> chuckling right now, forty-seven years later!
>
> The kicker? Both of the gentelemen were sighted; insofar as I am aware,
> neither even used glasses!
>
> I write this to echo Carrie's observation that some of this goes on even
> among the sighted and that sight is no proof against horse-play. I
> suspect the little boys got as much of a charge out of putting one over
> on Kendra as anything else; blindness was (in their view) just an easy
> way to accomplish the deed. I'm sixty-one; in my day, had such a thing
> happened, a couple of round-house rights would have permanetly solved
> the problem. That is no longer the way of things (at least officially)
> so the way it worked out was excellent.
>
> Kids in my high school loved my mothers' brownies (I willingly shared)
> so my mother would deliberately put extras in my lunch so that I wasn't
> shorted.
>
> Of course how Kendra reacts is as individual as she is. But I'd bet that
> a quarter-century from now, while she might relate the incident with a
> flash of pique, I'd also bet that their might also be a bit of wry
> amusement in the telling. WE shouldn't make light of the casual meanness
> often practiced by others. Nevertheless, sometimes the only thing to do
> is laugh. And laughter, while it won't solve problems, certainly eases
> the pain and discomfort of them.
>
> Mike Freeman, President
> NFB of Washington
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Carrie Gilmer" <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com>
> To: "'NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)'"
> <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 7:06 AM
> Subject: Re: [blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
>
>
> Glad to hear it and also glad this was brought out: many things here in
> this
> situation to help many. Some thoughts/resources I hope that are taken
> away,
> if not already understood:
>
> *Blind/low vision children need to know and be empowered with the
> KNOWLEDGE
> that they are NOT NECESSARILY more vulnerable. They need to know that
> they
> CAN tell things without sight about human behaviors and risk and protect
> themselves and resolve things for themselves. That they can and should
> indeed pay attention to personal space, behaviors (e.g. tones of
> voice/giggling/hushed whispers) of people around them and their
> belongings
> and not assume for example it is them who lost something...or either
> assume
> it was stolen. It takes awhile of "lessons" to learn these things/it is
> a
> lifestyle of talking about it as things come up, knowing how other blind
> people "do" and "know", learning to be responsible in finding things
> they
> may have lost, learning to pay attention to other's behaviors. Lifestyle
> means it is incorporated naturally/matter-of factly in all kinds of
> discussions as LIFE occurs and not some long minutes, emotionally
> wrought,
> fraught with sensitivity BIG TALK:).
>
> Also: For ex. Here: Kendra can be made aware of what is in her lunch box
> ahead of time. Ian KNEW he had some crackers, it is both right that he
> make
> sure he did not misplace them and then when he is sure to trust what he
> knows and consider seriously that he has been robbed... in the  many
> examples of  others doing things because of the mistaken conclusion that
> the
> blind person will always not know what is going on because they can not
> see:
> discussions including prejudice/false notions, general meanness to
> anyone,
> and not assuming prejudice or meanness always, can all occur(the
> 'pouring
> over the head'~that happens to sighted kids too~and it is a matter of
> paying
> attention sometimes and being aware that some people 'joke' like
> this...and
> then learning there is context; not every 'joke' like this is out of
> meanness and mistaken notions/prejudices some is indeed joking amongst
> friends or just flat out "not thinking" impulsiveness)...learning to
> differentiate all of this takes some maturity and practice. And still
> for
> those who live with daily false notions aimed at them, sometimes
> accepting
> you never really know for sure the "root" of a behavior and you can't
> overdo
> either and spend your life trying to analyze or even educate every
> instance>oh that tricky thing of balance;)
>
> *Blind/low vision children need to know they are not more fragile and
> can
> take this kind of thing and resolve it themselves and move on...sighted
> people need to know the blind/low vision person is also capable of
> resolving
> it w/out being 'scarred' for life.
>
> *Blind/Low vision children need to know that sight is NOT magic and has
> its
> limits and unreliability too and reversely that blindness does not come
> with
> special powers. In the "Handbook for Itinerant Teachers" Doris W.
> devotes a
> whole chapter. This is very important and the first discussions should
> happen very early, cuz it takes a long time and matures as
> developmentally
> they can consider deeper and wider. I can't tell you the number of times
> I
> have been shocked to discover highschoolers who have not been able to
> discuss their ideas freely and comfortably/naturally and have some idea
> that
> it is like "zapping~lightning~powerful magic" a direct quote from a VERY
> smart 15 year old whose parents never felt comfortable discussing what
> sight
> was and was not and could and could not do...or how many ten year olds I
> have met who still thought they could pick their noses and no one could
> tell...or thought people could see INDSIDE them...
>
> *Keeping things from a child almost never works; as has been mentioned
> CHILDREN (and even adults~surprise!) TALK, how horrifying and stupid
> feeling
> to find out and that no one told you it happened or felt you could be
> trusted to know and handle it.
>
>
>
>
> Carrie
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org]
> On
> Behalf Of Susan Harper
> Sent: Thursday, November 05, 2009 6:04 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)
> Subject: Re: [blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
>
> Great job Mom.  This speaks to what a great job you have done raising a
> healthy child. It is never easy.  We only do the best we can!
> Blessings,
> Sue H.
>
> On Thu, Nov 5, 2009 at 12:47 PM, Kieszak, Stephanie (CDC/CCEHIP/NCEH) <
> sek7 at cdc.gov> wrote:
>
> > Thank you all so much for your feedback.  I spoke to Kendra about what
> > happened before she left for school this morning. Then her teacher
> > spoke
> > with her and the two boys at school.  Her TVI e-mailed me with the
> > note
> > that Kendra wrote about it:
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > Dear Mom,
> > I forgive XXX and YYY for taking the cookies out of my lunchbox.  I am
> > sad because they took my food without asking.  I do not like what they
> > did.  I am not going to sit with them any more.  We had a little
> > meeting
> > in the hallway and they talked about what they did and apologized.
> > Ms.
> > ZZZ and the boys and I talked about it and they promised they couldn't
> > sit at my table.
> > Sincerely,
> > Kendra
> >
> >
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> >
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