[blindkid] no appreciation for praise

[Richard Holloway]

Barbara,  I generally go ahead and offer her a small amount of praise  
(and often make her mad too), but I try to keep it as minimal as I can  
manage. I think that at least small amounts of acknowledgment and  
positive reinforcement are a good thing, in nearly every case. There  
must be something to the notion that she'll grow into better  
acceptance of complementary things over time as well. That's what I  
read when I look for answers on the topic.

As I just mentioned in a reply to Bonnie, it appears that (despite her  
claim to the contrary) Kendra is actually progressing at least a bit  
with her ability on a conventional keyboard, but she denies having  
been the one typing what I found, which no doubt from her standpoint  
would avert the likelihood that she'd have to deal with any praise.  
(Why would I tell her she did a good job if she tells me up front that  
she didn't do the work I found.) Sort of clever and irritating all at  
once, right?

Kendra also has a keen musical ability with outstanding pitch  
recognition and memory. When she was younger (3 or 4) she'd share that  
ability openly. Now she claims not to know what notes things are or  
what keys pieces are in, etc.  Again, no need to worry about praise if  
she can't do the thing. The problem is, she "slips up" every now and  
then, by complaining that something is in the wrong key for example,  
or asking what some particular song she just heard was. I might say  
"which one?" and instead of saying, "the one about the boat", she'll  
say "the one in G Major", etc., (And when I check, she's invariably  
right.) In that case, I just go forward with the discussion and skip  
the praise beyond maybe saying "Oh, the on in G Major was..."

This is not a great answer to your question I realize, but I'm still  
trying to figure out the whole cause of the problem in our case. My  
best guess is it may have something to do with having too many people  
over-praise her when she was really young. As some on this list have  
observed in the past, it really is not so terribly amazing that our  
kids can walk across a classroom or flip on a light switch and when  
people "go over the top" telling our kids what a great job they did, I  
think it at least perpetuates the problem.

I'm seeing the same thing a little bit with my (sighted) son right now  
a bit. He's 4 years old and just started riding the school bus. The  
sweet lady who drives the bus keeps telling him what a good job he's  
doing when he steps up onto the bus. Well yes, he's doing fine, but  
he's been walking up steps for a while. I think he's pretty much over  
being praised for that. It happens to a lot of kids, but I think some  
sighted adults tend to really over-do it with blind kids. They don't  
know how THEY would do that if THEY could not see, so it seems amazing  
to them...

For now, all I know to do is to keep continue to offer modest amounts  
of praise, at lest for "praise-worthy" things. The other thing I try  
to do is to make certain she hears others being given (and ACCEPTING)  
appropriate positive feedback around the house.

If you find something that helps, please share it with me as I'd love  
to see this ongoing challenge vanish!

Richard



On Aug 21, 2010, at 9:42 PM, Barbara Hammel wrote:

> Richard, we've one who hates to be praised also so am wondering what  
> you do to let Kendra know she's done well.  We have to say good job  
> doing ... or just thank him for doing it.
> Barbara
>
> ...
> Yesterday is
> A path well-trod,
> A familiar lane
> Through sacred sod,
> A road we travel
> Too often, I fear,
> For there are the good times
> When things are hard here,
> ...
> _______________________________________________
> blindkid mailing list
> blindkid at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindkid_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info  
> for blindkid:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindkid_nfbnet.org/rholloway%40gopbc.org