[blindkid] Daughter's pre-k graduation

[H. Field]

Hello Doreen,
Most likely those who read your letter will think you're just a poor, 
deluded parent who needs to be educated on what's best for your 
daughter. I don't mean to be unkind but I doubt it will have changed 
anything at all at your daughter's school.

If you accept that these people think they're the experts and you need 
to be resisted so your child will get what they believe is best for 
her, then you will be doing yourself a big favour. This will put you 
in a place where you realise that you can't change them so you'll stop 
wasting your energy and allowing them to continue to make your lives 
miserable. Realising this will get you to take the next, logical and 
very necessary step.  You need to go in with an advocate who knows the 
law and make them comply with your wishes for the education of your 
child. By law your child should be taught braille unless they can 
prove that now, and in the future, it will not be necessary for her 
efficient and effective functioning. Obviously, with your daughter's 
current level of poor visual functioning, they will be hard put to 
demonstrate that braille will not be necessary in her near future.

Also, the cane argument is not really a big deal. Teach your child 
yourself. It's no big, complicated issue. She needs a long cane, up to 
her nose, which she holds beside her and learns to move from side to 
side roughly at the width of her body. This is not rocket science and 
you can completely bipass your mobility instructor by giving your 
child skills that work. If they work for her she'll use them, whether 
her instructor approves or not. He only sees her for a short time each 
week. The rest of the time you are in charge. Get it written into her 
IEP that she uses her cane in the manner, provided it's safe and 
acceptable cane technique, that works for her. It sounds to me that 
you need to go in with a really competent, blind adult who knows what 
they're going for. If you want some help in locating such a person in 
your area please write to me off list with your contact details and 
I'll help out. This is not a battle you should be fighting. You need 
to go in to the IEP meeting having decided what you want and you don't 
give up until you get it. Believe me, if the school starts staring 
down the barrel of mediation and, worse, due process in the courts, 
you'll be amazed at how there thoughts about braille and cane 
technique for your daughter will change. I've been involved in a 
number of cases and they turn out the same if you go in knowing what 
you want and threatening to make their lives miserable until you get 
it. Please be encouraged to trust yourself as the parent who has a 
lifelong involvement with this child. At any given moment one or all 
of the teachers currently involved with your daughter's education, 
arguing so vehemently against what you want for her, can simply pack 
up and leave their job. Suddenly, they are gone from your child's life 
and may never see her again as long as they live. They are arguing for 
their own reasons, whether principle or personal, they do not love and 
know your child as you do. They will not be there to deal with the 
heart-ache of her failures in relationships or college or whatever 
else may arise from her lack of acceptance of her blindness and the 
possession of proper blindness skills.

I know the tone of this e-mail is tough, but the truth is tough and I 
speak of what I know. You must make your decisions, stop listening to 
and considering their arguments and set about getting what your 
daughter needs. If you need reinforcements or additional information, 
then we can help you get them. Educate yourself, rally your troops and 
go in to win.

Warmest regards,

Heather Field

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Doreen Franklin" <theconelady at yahoo.com>
To: "NFB Parents" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, June 04, 2010 1:15 PM
Subject: [blindkid] Daughter's pre-k graduation


I wanted to share a letter that was hand-delivered to our school 
superintendent today about our daughter's pre-k graduation ceremony. 
As you can tell from the letter, it was bittersweet.
DoreenÂ
Â
Â
Â
I am writing about my daughter who is visually impaired and in the 
pre-K program at Eagles Nest. Her graduation ceremony was today and I 
am writing to tell you how upset my family was with the treatment of 
our daughter, Victorria.
Â
The ceremony started with Victorria being led by Mrs Rowe using 
sighted guide (I can’t say it was correct, but that is not the 
point). Torrie was set down on the floor to watch the photo review of 
the year with the rest of her class. Torrie has low vision and she was 
not able to see or "recognize" the pictures of herself and her 
friends. I sat and I cried, not because of joy, but because she could 
not see the pictures. All of the other children were shouting out 
"that's me" and they even shouted "Torrie," but because Torrie could 
not see, Torrie could not participate in the festivity that her other 
friends were enjoying. It was heart breaking as I sat there and 
continued to watch Torrie not be able to participate like her sighted 
peers. It made me even sadder, and I continued to cry. I wanted to 
bring her over to me and go through the pictures verbally with her, 
but I knew she needed to stay where she is. (I have asked Mrs Rowe for 
a copy of the CD so
 that Torrie can watch the show at home).
Â
As the ceremony continued, the children were moved to the stage. 
Again, Torrie was led by Mrs Rowe to her seat. I looked at Torrie and 
her cane was no where to be found. I was in shock! In our eyes, it 
said to us that she "couldn't be herself." During the program, Torrie 
was then led to a place on the stage to hold a sign while all of the 
other children were able to walk toward the audience in different 
parts of the program. We sat there and were so disappointed that our 
daughter's disability was not recognized, that she was made to "look 
like all of the other children" yet she was not doing the same 
activity (walking toward the audience) like her sighted peers. I was 
livid at this point because Torrie could not be herself, but had to 
“look like the other sighted children”.  My family was upset and 
disappointed that Torrie had to be made to be like one of the other 
kids in the program. Her disability and her cane seemed to be 
something to be ashamed
 of. That is not what we are instilling in Torrie. She is to be proud 
of who she is!
Â
This past weekend, I was at a state convention for people who are 
blind and visually impaired and everyone used their cane or guide dog. 
No one was ashamed of having a visual disability. These adults had to 
navigate a new environment to all of them – they had to find their 
way from the hotel check-in, to their rooms, to the restaurant, to the 
main seminar room and other seminar rooms. Several of these people 
were also speakers who had to navigate to the front of the room for 
their speeches. None of these adults were embarrassed by their canes 
or guide dogs; instead they navigated around the hotel with confidence 
and independence. Why isn’t this outlook of independence being 
supported by the school? I don’t even have the words to describe my 
feelings about the independence and assurance these people had last 
weekend, and how my daughter was not allowed to use her cane which 
makes her independent and safe! What a stark contrast! There are no 
words
 for this!
Â
The diplomas were then given out by Mr Lynch and the children were to 
shake hands with Mrs Rowe, Mr Lynch and Mrs Serynak. Torrie did not 
have her cane and she walked across the stage, without her cane. When 
I saw that, I gasped for my daughter's safety as well as the fact that 
she did not have her cane to use, which is a vital part of her. 
Torrie's cane is as much a part of her as her glasses are, just like 
our glasses are a part of us (we all wear glasses). After the 
ceremony, Torrie was led off the stage by Mrs Rowe. All of the other 
children were able to go to their parents and had pictures taken with 
family and on stage. Torrie looked toward us, but Torrie had Mrs 
Rowe’s hand. When she looked toward us, I was not sure what to do - 
get her or let her go to her class as were the directions. Instead, 
all the parents got their children and took pictures, and Torrie had 
Mrs Rowe's hand and was being led out of the auditorium. My family and 
I were very
 disappointed, especially after seeing other families taking pictures. 
I have no pictures of Torrie alone on stage with her diploma. I have 
Torrie and her class instead of individual pictures of our graduate. 
Instead of this being a very happy day, it was heart breaking, 
depressing and very disconcerting.
Â
Torrie is finally getting orientation and mobility instruction for use 
in cane. In our last IEP meeting, it was decided that she would not 
use the cane in her class but she would use it any other time outside 
of her class. Torrie should have used her cane while in the auditorium 
instead of the fact that it was being covered up. I don't think it 
would have mattered to the other parents if Torrie had used her cane 
(they all know she uses a cane) and it was set on the floor by her. 
She could have used her cane to move around, just like her sighted 
peers. Instead, her disability was concealed. Do you know the message 
being sent to Torrie? That message is that you cannot be you - you 
need to "hide" your disability and hide your cane. What a sad 
commentary for our pre-K children! How are we to build her self-esteem 
with the use of her cane at this point?
Â
I have been trying to be upbeat about the whole ceremony with my 
daughter, but it has been quite hard to hide my feelings. Torrie told 
me that "she didn't need her cane on the stage" which is not a 5-yr 
old's decision. The use of a cane is a decision made by her parents, 
and it was then reaffirmed by the IEP Team after an IEE on orientation 
& mobility clearly showed the reasons for the use of the cane. How can 
we instill that the cane is necessary with her visual disability when 
the school isn't even on-board for the use of her cane?

Â
Â


Doreen
http://www.raceforindependence.org/goto/TorrieF



_______________________________________________
blindkid mailing list
blindkid at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindkid_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
blindkid:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindkid_nfbnet.org/missheather%40comcast.net