[blindkid] Those Amazing Inspiring Blind People

[Michelle]

My son Jalen, age 10, also doesn't like to be praised for doing anything well. He is very bright and doesn't like it when I tell him I'm proud of what a great student he is, or when he does well on a test/project. I'm not praising him because he's blind, but because he's done well!  He too excelled musically as a young child and when people would clap for him he covered his ears and cried. Not because of the loudness, but because he was being praised. He no longer plays or does music. He is now interested in computer programming. I also get frustrated when people say how amazing it is when he reads. I mean he's 10, he should be reading, not so amazing. 

I am trying to raise him as I would any sighted child, I don't expect  any less, we just may do things a bit different to get the same outcome, but we do them! I think I'm actually harder on him and expect more that I would. He too has become a perfectionist and is hard on himself. 

Richard, hopefully we can meet in LA at the Braille Challenge! Congrats to Kendra!! Jalen will be in the Sophomore group this year as he's a 5th grader! This is such a great experience, because the one thing Jalen does enjoy is being around other blind kids!



Thanks!
Michelle

On May 29, 2013, at 11:30 AM, Richard Holloway <rholloway at gopbc.org> wrote:

> Arielle,
> 
> You make some interesting points. Our daughter, age 10, seems to object especially strongly to "amazing kid" comments herself, even when well deserved (and often entirely unrelated to blindness). The challenge is, she is particularly gifted in certain areas, so she is going to amaze people, and some people are going to tell her they are amazed or impressed. She is quite musically talented, for example. Some really unique abilities showed up for her around age three-- things even many adults can't learn to do with any amount of training. 
> 
> She so dislikes the praise and positive response that she basically shut down doing anything musical for most of the previous 4 or 5 years. She is only just starting to resist this less, which is good, because all students in her class next year are expected to participate in band (5th grade). I'm sure they wold make an exception in her case, if needed, but band exceptions are generally for other reasons, like sound sensitivity. She has actually had a bit of sound sensitivity issues in the past, but has largely outgrown that. It would be a shame to have that become the "excuse" to avoid band when in reality, she is probably just concerned that someone will praise her if she does well.
> 
> The oveerall concern goes well beyond musical ability. In general, Kendra (on her own) expects to excel in all areas, and is very upset if she fails to do so, but at the same time, wants ZERO praise for doing well. Often even simple acknowledgement of accomplishment will frustrate her. If we say, "I see you did well on your test, you got a 100!", most likely she would reply, "No, I didn't.", or perhaps simply "I don't want to talk about it!"
> 
> I suspect a great deal of this all ties back to excessive praise, especially as a very young child, for doing things that really aren't so amazing after all, like pushing a button, or finding her own shoe in the floor. Silly stuff like that. The question remains, however: How does one remove al the excessive praise from a blind child's environment? If your child is out and about in the world, some of that is going to sneak through, and surely we don't want to keep our children in a protective bubble either.
> 
> It is complicated and frustrating...
> 
> Richard
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On May 28, 2013, at 11:22 PM, Arielle Silverman wrote:
> 
>> Hi all,
>> On the NFB student list we have gotten into a discussion about how to
>> handle comments from the public about how amazing, inspiring, and
>> courageous we are for doing ordinary things. I shared some of my
>> experiences with this growing up and how it made me feel  about myself
>> and my abilities, and wanted to repost my remarks to this list as
>> well, since it might be informative for parents. I don't think my
>> parents realized how these kinds of well-intentioned comments affected
>> me.
>> 
>> Hi all,
>> I think some great points have been made here. When someone tells me I
>> am amazing or inspiring or courageous or whatever, I don't like it
>> because it implies a lower standard. There's always part of that
>> compliment that goes unstated: "You're amazing......For a blind
>> person". It's really a backhanded insult to other blind people, even
>> though it may not be intended that way. Also, I don't like being told
>> that I must have overcome great obstacles or that I must have great
>> perseverance and passion to get to where I am today, because I don't
>> think that's true. My blindness hasn't interfered much with my
>> educational achievements and compared with many others my life has