[blindkid] amazing blind people

[Arielle Silverman]

Hi Joy and all,

Joy asked about how we think parents should respond to comments about
their blind kids being amazing, etc. I have struggled a little with
the best advice to give about this because I think it's a tricky thing
and although I don't think my parents handled it adequately, I'm
unsure what they should have done instead. Generally my parents
encouraged me to be gracious and accepting of any compliments I
received and to be kind and appreciative in all my interactions with
others even if they were being patronizing toward me, grabbing me etc.
I am not sure how my parents handled comments about me in my absence,
but my sense is that they probably said little to correct their
friends' misconceptions about me. I think this was partly because my
parents were part of a tight-knit community where the parents bragged
on all the kids all the time, so talk of impressive accomplishments
was just natural. Also my parents really try to get along with
everyone and not make waves, and I don't think they realized how
impactful the negative attitudes about blindness are in our society. I
grew up in an over-privileged suburb in a school system that gave my
parents everything they wanted, or if they didn't get something they
just bought it themselves, so they never had to do much advocating. If
I got upset about being condescended to or held to low standards, they
kind of just thought I was overreacting. I guess what I would have
wished for most of all was for my parents to validate how I felt about
the sighted public even if they didn't personally understand what I
was going through. I think the biggest piece of advice I would give is
to make sure your kids have blind adults they can go to if they are
struggling with a particular person in their lives, or unsure how to
respond to compliments, overhelping etc. I didn't have any blind
adults I really trusted until I was in college, (lots of blind friends
around my age but no adult mentors) and I do think that would have
helped me a lot.
I know the situation Carol described, with her daughter being excited
about a prize she got that was undeserved, is a tricky one to deal
with. I'd be curious to know how you handled it. I think finding
people for your kids to be around who have high standards, and don't
over-praise them, should be a priority. That might also mean spending
less time with folks who baby or over-praise your kids. Also,
competitive activities or classes (i.e. writing classes, music
classes, etc.) are good ways for kids to figure out where they stand
in comparison with others in a particular subject and to learn how to
improve at that subject if they so choose. Of course, you'll want to
be sure the teacher or coach has appropriate standards for your blind
child.

Arielle

On 5/29/13, Joy Orton <ortonsmom at gmail.com> wrote:
> Arielle, Thanks for raising a great point. I like to say, "My daughter is
> amazing, but it's not because she can walk down the hall by herself." She
> does happen to be a Braille Challenge winner, and THAT is super cool.
>
> I would love to hear from more adult blind people about how your parents
> dealt with this, and how you wish your parents had dealt with comments
> like, "You're so amazing, inspiring, etcetera."
>
> Joy
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