[blindLaw] Under accommodated public defender, seeking moral support, practical advice, and philosophy

[Maura Kutnyak]

Hello list mates,

It was very nice to hear some of your voices on the call last night.

The subject line Is a good summary of why I write to you. The list of means by which I feel marginalized at work is too long and complex to unpack here. The resultant array of unhelpful thoughts, and emotional harms is my focus. 

I am feeling like more of a burden to the organization for which i work than a resource. That is materially true at the moment because the most useful accommodation, a human reader, is not yet in place. The job is posted, and we are all hoping that it will fill soon. But, while that position stands open, I stand largely alone and subject to an inconsistent set of methods to enable my participation in court. Even when the visual access-legal secretary is hired, am i not still marked as a more expensive, and less productive employee? That question/emotional impulse is why I am writing.

I know those thoughts are unhelpful, distructive and a form of internalized low expectations. Yet, it is hard to resist their gravity as the months move past and progress toward full inclusion at my job moves slowly. The other point I will quickly touch is the Struggle of self-advocacy, and imperfection of identifying  what is reasonable to expect with regard to accommodations. 

Thank you all for listening, and for any helpful disability rights-NFB philosophy you can share that will bolster my fortitude. I’m not going to give up because I love many aspects of the job, and am sure it is a perfect springboard for my career. But damn it hurts some days!

Warmly,

Maura Kutnyak
716-563-9882