[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

trishs slosser at metrocast.net
Mon May 25 20:24:48 UTC 2009 

I learned, through Massage Therapy training, that people can have 
"touch issues."  It's all about your intension, and respecting 
people's personal space.  To me, when in doubt, less is more.  
When I need to know where someone is, I'll ask.

> ----- Original Message -----
>From: "Steve P.  Deeley" <stevep.deeley at insightbb.com
>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Date sent: Mon, 25 May 2009 12:42:19 -0400
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

>This is a very complicated topic.  There are those, like me, who 
don't like
>being touched during conversations with individuals I really 
don't know very
>well.  I'm wondering if blind individuals understand spacial 
concepts during
>conversations.  You don't want to be too close during a 
conversation or too
>far away.  I suspect most of us who understand this art have had 
some
>coaching from sighted individuals whom they trust.
>\
>Steve
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net
>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>Sent: Sunday, May 24, 2009 10:46 PM
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind


>>I was raised giving and receiving warm hand shakes, or in some
>> situations, embraces and or kisses, all of which seem to me to 
be
>> quite germ spreading!  I like the bowing idea a lot!

>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>From: Joel Zimba <jzimba at cavtel.net
>>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>Date sent: Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:35 -0400
>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

>>>Hi,

>>>I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or
>> sighted
>>>is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch
>> someone
>>>or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what
>> you are
>>>doing and your motivation for it.

>>>The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.
>> It's not
>>>so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a
>> means of
>>>communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with
>> yurself to
>>>touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into
>> your
>>>paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.

>>>For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily
>> donw with
>>>the back of the hand and making solid contact.

>>>When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative
>> early
>>>and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out
>> there and
>>>then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention
>> to the
>>>fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I
>> was
>>>taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long
>> ago I
>>>decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad
>> handing as
>>>well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
>>>sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older
>> someone
>>>is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
>>>conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.
>> Maybe
>>>we all need to go back to finishing school.

>>>Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that
>> my Asian
>>>friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be
>> very
>>>greatful.

>>>Joel

>>>On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>>>> Hi Gerardo,
>>>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.
>> My vision
>>>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27
>> and did not
>>>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about
>> 40.  Now, at
>>>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I
>> was often
>>>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching
>> out to shake
>>>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid
>> this problem
>>>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover
>> that the
>>>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.
>> I have had
>>>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences
>> in such
>>>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of
>> what is
>>>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close
>> they stand to
>>>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which
>> is common
>>>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness
>> has led you to
>>>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have
>> felt bad for
>>>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person
>> had
>>>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as
>> blindisms.  We all
>>>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we
>> would not do
>>>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one
>> loses their
>>>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often
>> surprised
>>>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see
>> something others can
>>>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by
>> performing these
>>>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when
>> I am walking
>>>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with
>> someone, I
>>>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on
>> suppressing this
>>>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as
>> strange.  Behavior
>>>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some
>> peculiar ones.
>>>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd
>> or
>>>> idiosyncratic.
>>>> Jeff

>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>>>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind

>>>> Gerardo,

>>>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a
>> sighted person, I

>>>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.

>>>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.
>> When do you do
>>>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be
>> necessary, since
>>>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all
>> experienced a
>>>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked
>> away.  Now, if

>>>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're
>> still there

>>>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's
>> something
>>>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands
>> and touch my

>>>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so
>> unusual.

>>>> Cindy
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx
>>>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind


>>>> Hi listers:
>>>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working
>> on my own
>>>> in my private practice.
>>>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you
>> guys,
>>>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>>>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to
>> RP; since I
>>>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the
>> arm of the
>>>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there.  I continued
>> to do this
>>>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this
>> behavior isn't
>>>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago.  I'm still shocked
>> by this
>>>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is
>> still there?
>>>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as
>> if they're
>>>> there but aren't there.  How have you coped with this situation
>> in that you
>>>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has
>> happened to
>>>> some of you?
>>>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand
>> to shake if
>>>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>>>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn
>> about
>>>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>>>> Gerardo


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>> 
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