[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

Thu May 28 17:14:14 UTC 2009

I don't know where that stereotype came from that totally blind people cling 
to people when they talk to them, but I really resent that, because I don't 
cling.  I really try not even to touch people unless I am close to them, 
because I know how some people hate to be touched, and even if they don't 
mind being touched, they don't like to be touched for a long time.
Sarah
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 4:25 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind


> For my contribution, a light touch is acceptable, preferably on the elbow, 
> as apposed to the hand or shoulder.  After all parties are introduced, 
> just speaking the blind person's name, if necessary, is sufficient.
> Think of it as if we were talking on the phone.  As soon as I know someone 
> is calling, the interaction begins.  It's done effectively and 
> successfully, lacking the visuals of facial expressions, which I can 
> perceive any way, at least, to a degree that I can have relationships with 
> family and friends, all-be-it with adaptations.
> I wanted to mention that personally, it's more stressful for me, the blind 
> person, to initiate the first contact, knowing that sighted people 
> require, and are LOST without, eye contact.  If you're not able to see it 
> being done, or if you're unable to roll your eyes in a direction 
> indicating "Come with me, that way," you're immediately at a disadvantage.
> Regarding the totally blind people clinging, I have no experience.  My 
> only advice is do not allow yourself to feel vulnerable, insecure, or 
> uncomfortable with others actions.
>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>>From: "Weingartner, Paul" <PWeingartner at ag.org
>>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>Date sent: Tue, 26 May 2009 09:01:44 -0500
>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>> This is an interesting topic that is very helpful because of the
>>candidness of the respondents.  Because of that I would like to
> ask a
>>question.
>>Sighted people use eye contact to initiate communication.
> Obviously,
>>that does not work for initiating communication with a person who
> is
>>blind.  That is why it is awkward for a waitress in a restaurant
> or for
>>a stranger in a mall to make first contact in a way to know the
> speaker
>>is addressing the person who is blind.
>>A number of totally blind friends recommend a light quick touch
> to let
>>them know they are the person being addressed, so that is what I
>>recommend.  I was wondering what some or you think.
>>Also, many people who are totally blind like to hold and cling
> during a
>>conversation.  That can get pretty awkward and down right
> embarrassing a
>>times.
>>I would appreciate your thoughts.
>
>
>>Paul Weingartner
>>Making the Cross Accessible
>>Center for the Blind of the Assemblies of God
>>P 417.831.1964   F 417.862.5120
>>www.blind.ag.org
>>www.blindonline.ag.org
>
>
>
>
>
>
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>On Behalf Of Steve P.  Deeley
>>Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 7:47 AM
>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>>It has nothing to do with blindness in my case.  I just hate
> being
>>touched.
>
>>Steve
>>----- Original Message -----
>>From: "dewey bradley" <dewey.bradley at gmail.com
>>To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 8:40 PM
>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>>> Allot of sighted people think that they can't talk to us without
>>putting
>>> there hands on us.
>>> The thing is allot of people like my self really hate to be
> touched,
>>When
>>> we
>>> ask them to please take there hands off, they get mad.
>>> I guess there is no across the board answer for things like
> this.
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Steve P.  Deeley" <stevep.deeley at insightbb.com
>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 10:42 AM
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>>>> This is a very complicated topic.  There are those, like me, who
>>don't
>>>> like being touched during conversations with individuals I
> really
>>don't
>>>> know very well.  I'm wondering if blind individuals understand
>>spacial
>>>> concepts during conversations.  You don't want to be too close
> during
>>a
>>>> conversation or too far away.  I suspect most of us who
> understand
>>this
>>>> art have had some coaching from sighted individuals whom they
> trust.
>>>> \
>>>> Steve
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net
>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>> Sent: Sunday, May 24, 2009 10:46 PM
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>>>>>I was raised giving and receiving warm hand shakes, or in some
>>>>> situations, embraces and or kisses, all of which seem to me to
> be
>>>>> quite germ spreading!  I like the bowing idea a lot!
>
>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>From: Joel Zimba <jzimba at cavtel.net
>>>>>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>Date sent: Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:35 -0400
>>>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>>>>>>Hi,
>
>>>>>>I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or
>>>>> sighted
>>>>>>is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch
>>>>> someone
>>>>>>or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what
>>>>> you are
>>>>>>doing and your motivation for it.
>
>>>>>>The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.
>>>>> It's not
>>>>>>so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a
>>>>> means of
>>>>>>communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with
>>>>> yurself to
>>>>>>touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into
>>>>> your
>>>>>>paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.
>
>>>>>>For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily
>>>>> donw with
>>>>>>the back of the hand and making solid contact.
>
>>>>>>When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative
>>>>> early
>>>>>>and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out
>>>>> there and
>>>>>>then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention
>>>>> to the
>>>>>>fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I
>>>>> was
>>>>>>taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long
>>>>> ago I
>>>>>>decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad
>>>>> handing as
>>>>>>well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
>>>>>>sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older
>>>>> someone
>>>>>>is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
>>>>>>conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.
>>>>> Maybe
>>>>>>we all need to go back to finishing school.
>
>>>>>>Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that
>>>>> my Asian
>>>>>>friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be
>>>>> very
>>>>>>greatful.
>
>>>>>>Joel
>
>>>>>>On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>>>>>>> Hi Gerardo,
>>>>>>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.
>>>>> My vision
>>>>>>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27
>>>>> and did not
>>>>>>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about
>>>>> 40.  Now, at
>>>>>>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I
>>>>> was often
>>>>>>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching
>>>>> out to shake
>>>>>>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid
>>>>> this problem
>>>>>>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover
>>>>> that the
>>>>>>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.
>>>>> I have had
>>>>>>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences
>>>>> in such
>>>>>>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of
>>>>> what is
>>>>>>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close
>>>>> they stand to
>>>>>>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which
>>>>> is common
>>>>>>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness
>>>>> has led you to
>>>>>>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have
>>>>> felt bad for
>>>>>>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person
>>>>> had
>>>>>>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as
>>>>> blindisms.  We all
>>>>>>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we
>>>>> would not do
>>>>>>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one
>>>>> loses their
>>>>>>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often
>>>>> surprised
>>>>>>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see
>>>>> something others can
>>>>>>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by
>>>>> performing these
>>>>>>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when
>>>>> I am walking
>>>>>>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with
>>>>> someone, I
>>>>>>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on
>>>>> suppressing this
>>>>>>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as
>>>>> strange.  Behavior
>>>>>>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some
>>>>> peculiar ones.
>>>>>>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd
>>>>> or
>>>>>>> idiosyncratic.
>>>>>>> Jeff
>
>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>>>>>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>>>>>>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>>>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>
>>>>>>> Gerardo,
>
>>>>>>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a
>>>>> sighted person, I
>
>>>>>>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>
>>>>>>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.
>>>>> When do you do
>>>>>>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be
>>>>> necessary, since
>>>>>>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all
>>>>> experienced a
>>>>>>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked
>>>>> away.  Now, if
>
>>>>>>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're
>>>>> still there
>
>>>>>>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's
>>>>> something
>>>>>>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands
>>>>> and touch my
>
>>>>>>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so
>>>>> unusual.
>
>>>>>>> Cindy
>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx
>>>>>>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>>>>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>>>>>>> Hi listers:
>>>>>>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working
>>>>> on my own
>>>>>>> in my private practice.
>>>>>>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you
>>>>> guys,
>>>>>>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>>>>>>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to
>>>>> RP; since I
>>>>>>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the
>>>>> arm of the
>>>>>>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there.  I continued
>>>>> to do this
>>>>>>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this
>>>>> behavior isn't
>>>>>>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago.  I'm still shocked
>>>>> by this
>>>>>>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is
>>>>> still there?
>>>>>>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as
>>>>> if they're
>>>>>>> there but aren't there.  How have you coped with this situation
>>>>> in that you
>>>>>>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has
>>>>> happened to
>>>>>>> some of you?
>>>>>>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand
>>>>> to shake if
>>>>>>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>>>>>>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn
>>>>> about
>>>>>>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>>>>>>> Gerardo
>
>
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