[Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind

Sarah Baughn sarahb006 at comcast.net
Fri May 29 06:23:09 UTC 2009


Oh, I hate when people ask me if I have someone at home who can read the 
information to me.  I always tell them that they can tell me the info, and I 
will remember it till I get home where I can write it down myself.
Sarah
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Chasity Jackson" <chasityvanda at charter.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 2:57 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind


>I don't like that, "Where are you trying to go?" business when I am on a 
>bus or metrolink train, and someone who doesn't even know me asks, "Where 
>are you trying to go?" or, "What stop are you getting off at?" Sometimes, I 
>want to say something sarcastic, but I just usually respond, "I got it, 
>thank you."
>
> Speaking of directions, getting around and such, I got a story for ya. 
> This doesn't happen too often, in fact, I can count on one hand how much 
> it's actually happened. I'll recap the other story in a separate e-mail. 
> Anyway, I have been going to an allergist for the past 2 years getting 
> allergy shots. There used to be this overly helpful lady there named 
> Donna. She gave the injections. When I go there, the procedure is that I 
> have to get my two shots, and wait 20-30 minutes. At that time, they have 
> to check my arms before I leave to make sure there is no reaction. This 
> was a year ago when this happen. So I had just gotten my shots and was 
> headed out to the waiting room to wait. I had to use the restroom, so I 
> asked Donna if she could give me directions to the restroom. Instead of 
> giving me verbal instructions as I had requested, she took my arm and 
> showed me. The hall was very busy with patients, doctors and nurses going 
> through. Donna says to me, "You need to leave the door unlocked in case 
> you can't find your way out." I explained to her that I come up to the 8th 
> floor and find the office by myself every time that I come, and that I get 
> around independently all the time. She then said I needed to leave it 
> unlocked in case I slipped or couldn't find my way out. I again tried to 
> explain to her that I traveled independently all the time. She just kept 
> persisting. I didn't know what else to say, so I said okay, that I would, 
> but when I went in and heard her voice down the hall, I knew she walked 
> away, and I locked it before using the restroom. I heard her yell to 
> another nurse down the hall, "I told Chasity to leave the bathroom door 
> unlocked in case she can't find her way out of there." I am so thankful 
> that she left and took another position, because if she kept that up, we 
> would have had words eventually. Another time, she wrote something down on 
> a card for me. I asked her to simply tell me the information. She did tell 
> me, and then she asked, "Do you have a helper at home who reads stuff for 
> you?" I said I didn't, and there was no need to write anything down 
> because she had already told me the information. She said, "Oh, I'm going 
> to write it down anyway." I'm just glad to be rid of her. LOL.
>
> Chasity
> Twitter: kidrockgroupie
> Skype: ronnievanzantfan4ever
> My MySpace page: www.myspace.com/chasityandvanda
> Check out the tribute page I created for my guide dog Vanda at:
> www.myspace.com/vandaandchasity
> Listen to my podcast at:
> http://www.gcast.com/u/Chasityvanda/main.xml
> Or by phone at: (559) 553-4627
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Mike Sivill" <mike.sivill at viewplus.com>
> To: "'NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 2:18 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>
>
>> Yes! I hate "where are you trying to go" too. It's like a blind person 
>> would
>> never be able to get anywhere so what are you doing?
>> Lol
>> Mike
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Sarah Baughn
>> Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 10:30 AM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>
>> Oh, yeah, I hate it when people tell you things like "over there", even
>> after you've told them that you can't see where they're pointing. 
>> Another
>> thing I hate is when people ask me where I'm trying to go.  It's like, 
>> uh,
>> hello, I'm not trying to go anywhere, I'm actually going there.  I don't
>> know, the wording just bugs me.
>> Sarah
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Jeffrey Schwartz" <sidney.schwartz at sbcglobal.net>
>> To: "'NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 6:05 PM
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>
>>
>>> Diane,
>>> This woman at the bus stop is clearly concerned about your welfare and
>>> trying to be helpful.  If it is a situation where she can be of
>>> assistance,
>>> I suggest that you be assertively courteous and instruct  her on how she
>>> could help in a way that would be comfortable for both of You.  (See my
>>> earlier post about the arm pullers).  If you absolutely don't need any
>>> help
>>> from her, I suggest that you tell her so in a nice way, acknowledging 
>>> her
>>> kind desire to help you and thanking her for it.
>>>
>>> Changing the topic a bit here.  There's the comical routine where 
>>> someone
>>> is
>>> facing you and wanting to give you directions.  They will tell you to 
>>> turn
>>> right without realizing that their right is your left.  Amazing how 
>>> often
>>> this happens.  They can't all be dummies.  I think that they just get
>>> confused or sort of choke up.  The ones who really drive me nuts are the
>>> folks who tell you" it's right over there", presumably pointing in a
>>> certain
>>> direction.  These jerks make me really angry.  The lack of empathy is
>>> appalling.  I think that they just don't want to be bothered.  Their 
>>> tone
>>> of
>>> voice usually  reflects this.
>>> Jeff
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
>>> On
>>> Behalf Of Steve P. Deeley
>>> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 11:55 AM
>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>> Have you told the lady at the bus stop that you don't appreciate her
>>> interference?
>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>> From: "Graves, Diane" <dgraves at icrc.IN.gov>
>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:41 AM
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>
>>>
>>>> HI Paul,
>>>>
>>>> This is an interesting topic and it also gets pretty complicated, at
>>>> least where I am concerned.
>>>>
>>>> As far as your question about making that initial contact, I would say
>>>> it is very appropriate.  I would most certainly prefer a light touch on
>>>> my shoulder than having someone talk to someone who is with me,
>>>> inquiring as to what I might like to order, as if I weren't there, or 
>>>> as
>>>> if I were a child.  I do not  object to this at all.
>>>>
>>>> I have noted in this discussion that there are several people who have
>>>> said they don't like to be touched.  I have the opposite problem.
>>>> Whether it has anything to do with blindness or not, I really don't
>>>> know, but I am a person who is tactile, and or affectionate with people
>>>> that I know.
>>>>
>>>> This is gotten me crossways with several people, as I have learned,
>>>> sometimes the hard way, that some of us don't' appreciate being 
>>>> touched.
>>>>
>>>> As a tactile person myself, that is something that I have a real hard
>>>> time fathoming or remembering.  I don't grab and cling to strangers by
>>>> any means, but when there is a person who I know, like or associate
>>>> with, it is not uncommon for me to reach out and want to hug someone or
>>>> look at their hairstyle, or place a hand gently on their arm or 
>>>> shoulder
>>>> when speaking to them.  I also welcome warm handshakes, hugs, and the
>>>> like from those whom I consider friends and associates. I have had to
>>>> learn that some people object to this, and it isn't always easy to
>>>> remember.
>>>>
>>>> Now, like I said, it gets complicated, because  what I do object to is
>>>> those well meaning sighted people, many of them strangers, who want to
>>>> grab me or my clothes or coat or whatever, thinking that they are
>>>> helping to guide me or saving me from falling off a curb or something
>>>> like that.
>>>>
>>>> There is a lady who does this every day at the bus stop in the evening,
>>>> and I just want to slap her sometimes.  They wouldn't take liberties
>>>> with and/or manhandle a sighted person like that, and I do not
>>>> appreciate it either.
>>>>
>>>> Diane Graves
>>>> Civil Rights Specialist
>>>> Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>>>> Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>>>> 317-232-2647
>>>>
>>>> "IT is service that measures success."
>>>> George Washington Carver
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>> On Behalf Of Weingartner, Paul
>>>> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 10:02 AM
>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>
>>>> This is an interesting topic that is very helpful because of the
>>>> candidness of the respondents.  Because of that I would like to ask a
>>>> question.
>>>> Sighted people use eye contact to initiate communication.  Obviously,
>>>> that does not work for initiating communication with a person who is
>>>> blind.  That is why it is awkward for a waitress in a restaurant or for
>>>> a stranger in a mall to make first contact in a way to know the speaker
>>>> is addressing the person who is blind.
>>>> A number of totally blind friends recommend a light quick touch to let
>>>> them know they are the person being addressed, so that is what I
>>>> recommend.  I was wondering what some or you think.
>>>> Also, many people who are totally blind like to hold and cling during a
>>>> conversation.  That can get pretty awkward and down right embarrassing 
>>>> a
>>>> times.
>>>> I would appreciate your thoughts.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Paul Weingartner
>>>> Making the Cross Accessible
>>>> Center for the Blind of the Assemblies of God
>>>> P 417.831.1964   F 417.862.5120
>>>> www.blind.ag.org
>>>> www.blindonline.ag.org
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>> On Behalf Of Steve P. Deeley
>>>> Sent: Tuesday, May 26, 2009 7:47 AM
>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>
>>>> It has nothing to do with blindness in my case.  I just hate being
>>>> touched.
>>>>
>>>> Steve
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: "dewey bradley" <dewey.bradley at gmail.com>
>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 8:40 PM
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> Allot of sighted people think that they can't talk to us without
>>>> putting
>>>>> there hands on us.
>>>>> The thing is allot of people like my self really hate to be touched,
>>>> When
>>>>> we
>>>>> ask them to please take there hands off, they get mad.
>>>>> I guess there is no across the board answer for things like this.
>>>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>>>> From: "Steve P. Deeley" <stevep.deeley at insightbb.com>
>>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> Sent: Monday, May 25, 2009 10:42 AM
>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>> This is a very complicated topic.  There are those, like me, who
>>>> don't
>>>>>> like being touched during conversations with individuals I really
>>>> don't
>>>>>> know very well.  I'm wondering if blind individuals understand
>>>> spacial
>>>>>> concepts during conversations.  You don't want to be too close during
>>>> a
>>>>>> conversation or too far away.  I suspect most of us who understand
>>>> this
>>>>>> art have had some coaching from sighted individuals whom they trust.
>>>>>> \
>>>>>> Steve
>>>>>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>>>>>> From: "trishs" <slosser at metrocast.net>
>>>>>> To: "NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>>>> Sent: Sunday, May 24, 2009 10:46 PM
>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>I was raised giving and receiving warm hand shakes, or in some
>>>>>>> situations, embraces and or kisses, all of which seem to me to be
>>>>>>> quite germ spreading!  I like the bowing idea a lot!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>>From: Joel Zimba <jzimba at cavtel.net
>>>>>>>>To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>Date sent: Sat, 23 May 2009 17:08:35 -0400
>>>>>>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings; Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Hi,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>I love these kinds of topics.  I believe the issue of blind or
>>>>>>> sighted
>>>>>>>>is mostly meaningless when it comes to whether you should touch
>>>>>>> someone
>>>>>>>>or not.  It comes down more to how comfortable you are with what
>>>>>>> you are
>>>>>>>>doing and your motivation for it.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>The examples of folks talking with their hands is a great one.
>>>>>>> It's not
>>>>>>>>so much that they talk with their hands, but that touching is a
>>>>>>> means of
>>>>>>>>communication.  In fact, if you are comfortable enough with
>>>>>>> yurself to
>>>>>>>>touch someone else while speaking to them, you'll pull them into
>>>>>>> your
>>>>>>>>paradigm.  This is common wisdom in the sales world.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>For the blind among us, (myself included) this is most easily
>>>>>>> donw with
>>>>>>>>the back of the hand and making solid contact.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>When it comes to shaking hands, I decided to take the initiative
>>>>>>> early
>>>>>>>>and often.  When someone doesn't take my hand, I leave it out
>>>>>>> there and
>>>>>>>>then eventually start snapping my fingers.  This calls attention
>>>>>>> to the
>>>>>>>>fact that the other people are not playing the social game.  I
>>>>>>> was
>>>>>>>>taught that it is not obligatory for women to shake hands.  Long
>>>>>>> ago I
>>>>>>>>decided that if women want equal rights, they can do the glad
>>>>>>> handing as
>>>>>>>>well, so I expect them to shake and I do the snapping as well.  I
>>>>>>>>sometimes let the elderly off the hook, though oddly, the older
>>>>>>> someone
>>>>>>>>is, the more likely they are to initiate or take my hand.  Proper
>>>>>>>>conduct seems to not always be taught to the younger generation.
>>>>>>> Maybe
>>>>>>>>we all need to go back to finishing school.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Now, if someone could explain the bowing protocol to me so that
>>>>>>> my Asian
>>>>>>>>friends would be surprised and pleased by my manners, I would be
>>>>>>> very
>>>>>>>>greatful.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Joel
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>On 5/23/2009 12:40 PM, Jeffrey Schwartz wrote:
>>>>>>>>> Hi Gerardo,
>>>>>>>>> I am also blind as a result of RP and a clinical psychologist.
>>>>>>> My vision
>>>>>>>>> deteriorated at a different pace.  I drove a car until I was 27
>>>>>>> and did not
>>>>>>>>> require adaptive technology to read and write until I was about
>>>>>>> 40.  Now, at
>>>>>>>>> 61, I have little more than light perception.  When younger, I
>>>>>>> was often
>>>>>>>>> embarrassed when my wife kindly noted that someone was reaching
>>>>>>> out to shake
>>>>>>>>> my hand and I was not noticing.  Eventually, I learned to avoid
>>>>>>> this problem
>>>>>>>>> by taking the initiative.  On occasion I reach out to discover
>>>>>>> that the
>>>>>>>>> person has quickly turned their back or departed, no big deal.
>>>>>>> I have had
>>>>>>>>> no experience with the touching.  There are cultural differences
>>>>>>> in such
>>>>>>>>> nonverbal behaviors.  For example, cultures vary in terms of
>>>>>>> what is
>>>>>>>>> regarded as personal space.  Groups vary in terms of how close
>>>>>>> they stand to
>>>>>>>>> each other when speaking, and also with regard to touching which
>>>>>>> is common
>>>>>>>>> in some cultures and taboo in others.  Perhaps your blindness
>>>>>>> has led you to
>>>>>>>>> exceed what is common in your culture or your parents may have
>>>>>>> felt bad for
>>>>>>>>> you when they saw you reach out to touch someone and the person
>>>>>>> had
>>>>>>>>> departed.  There are also a group of behaviors known as
>>>>>>> blindisms.  We all
>>>>>>>>> conduct little rituals of personal hygiene when alone which we
>>>>>>> would not do
>>>>>>>>> in front of others.  There is a tendency, particularly if one
>>>>>>> loses their
>>>>>>>>> vision gradually to assume that others see as we do.  I am often
>>>>>>> surprised
>>>>>>>>> by what others can see.  We assume that if we can't see
>>>>>>> something others can
>>>>>>>>> not either.  This can lead us to embarrass ourselves by
>>>>>>> performing these
>>>>>>>>> grooming rituals in public.  Recently, I have noticed that when
>>>>>>> I am walking
>>>>>>>>> and thinking about a conversation which I had or will have with
>>>>>>> someone, I
>>>>>>>>> am moving my lips as if I were speaking.  I am working on
>>>>>>> suppressing this
>>>>>>>>> behavior as I am certain that the sighted would see it as
>>>>>>> strange.  Behavior
>>>>>>>>> is so ritualized, and blindness can lead us to engage in some
>>>>>>> peculiar ones.
>>>>>>>>> As professionals, in particular, we don't want to be seen as odd
>>>>>>> or
>>>>>>>>> idiosyncratic.
>>>>>>>>> Jeff
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>>>>>>>> Behalf Of Cindy Handel
>>>>>>>>> Sent: Saturday, May 23, 2009 9:55 AM
>>>>>>>>> To: NFBnet Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>>>>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Gerardo,
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Most of the time, when I would like to shake the hand of a
>>>>>>> sighted person, I
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> just extend my hand and they grasp it and we shake hands.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> As far as touching the arm of people, I've never done this.
>>>>>>> When do you do
>>>>>>>>> this?  If you're talking with someone, it shouldn't be
>>>>>>> necessary, since
>>>>>>>>> they're participating in the conversation.  I think we've all
>>>>>>> experienced a
>>>>>>>>> time when we're talking to someone and learn that they walked
>>>>>>> away.  Now, if
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> you're referring to touching a person's arm to make sure they're
>>>>>>> still there
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> as a way to insure that you still have their attention, that's
>>>>>>> something
>>>>>>>>> different.  I have met sighted people who talk with their hands
>>>>>>> and touch my
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> arm or shoulder, for emphasis.  So, that might not be so
>>>>>>> unusual.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Cindy
>>>>>>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>>>>>>> From: "Gerardo Corripio"<gera1027 at prodigy.net.mx
>>>>>>>>> To: "Blind-Talk"<blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>>>>>>> Sent: Friday, May 22, 2009 11:35 PM
>>>>>>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Greetings;Behaviors in adults blind
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> Hi listers:
>>>>>>>>> I'm Gerardo from Mexico; 31 years old and a Psychologist working
>>>>>>> on my own
>>>>>>>>> in my private practice.
>>>>>>>>> Hopefully I'll be able to learn lots of great things from you
>>>>>>> guys,
>>>>>>>>> especially of the NFB way of viewing and living with blindness.
>>>>>>>>> Now for my debut question: I've been blind all my life due to
>>>>>>> RP; since I
>>>>>>>>> was a teenager I remember developing a habbit of touching the
>>>>>>> arm of the
>>>>>>>>> people constanly to be sure he/she was still there.  I continued
>>>>>>> to do this
>>>>>>>>> into adulthood until my family made the observation that this
>>>>>>> behavior isn't
>>>>>>>>> seen well by the sighted only a few days ago.  I'm still shocked
>>>>>>> by this
>>>>>>>>> observation to the point that now how to know if the person is
>>>>>>> still there?
>>>>>>>>> Yes, the voice gives feedback but when people talk it feels as
>>>>>>> if they're
>>>>>>>>> there but aren't there.  How have you coped with this situation
>>>>>>> in that you
>>>>>>>>> have to get rid of the habbit before-mentioned? Surely it has
>>>>>>> happened to
>>>>>>>>> some of you?
>>>>>>>>> also when shaking hands with sighted people how to find the hand
>>>>>>> to shake if
>>>>>>>>> the sighted person doesn't take the initiative?
>>>>>>>>> As you can see I've still have lots of tips and tricks to learn
>>>>>>> about
>>>>>>>>> blindness, thus my interest in joining the list.
>>>>>>>>> Gerardo
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>> blindtlk mailing list
>>>>>>>>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
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>>>>>>>>> .net
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>>>>>> blindtlk mailing list
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>>>>>>>>> sbcglobal.net
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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