[Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support

Thu Dec 9 19:03:40 UTC 2010

Diane, thank you.  I didn't mean to be witty when I said it because I 
wasn't smiling, but when I think about it now, I smile.  I sure hope 
things get better for you.

Connie
At 10:56 AM 12/9/2010, you wrote:
>Connie,
>
>That is funny. What a witty response. That is part of my problem 
>too, is that I don't always think quickly on my feet so that I can 
>offer those witty comebacks.
>
>I like that.
>
>Diane Graves
>Civil Rights Specialist
>Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>317-232-2647
>
>"It is service that measures success."
>George Washington Carver
>
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>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org 
>[mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Constance Canode
>Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 11:53 AM
>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support
>
>Diane, I agree with Ray.  If the chat doesn't work, you might want to
>file a formal complaint.  As far as the names are concerned, there is
>a physician where I worked who insisted on calling me sweetie or
>honey.  I politely informed him that he must have misread my name tag
>because it did not say either of those names on it.  He apologized
>and resorted to calling me by name.
>
>Connie
>At 09:37 AM 12/9/2010, you wrote:
> >Diane,
> >
> >First things first.  Have you tried a nice quiet chat with this
> >particular antagonist?  Seems to me it's high time you gave that a
> >try.  Sure, you don't want to go blowing up at her like an explosion
> >or something.  Now, that would be wrong for you to do.  That might
> >make you feel good for a very short time, but, frankly, I reckon
> >that in the long term, you come off as a bitch.  I suppose you
> >really do not want to do that.  Leaves a bad taste in the mouth;
> >and, frankly, on the heart as well.  The thing of it is, YOu don't
> >want to just give in either.  I'd start with a nice quiet chat.  I
> >don't mean just get her in the break room or over by the water
> >cooler for a second or so.  I mean you actually need to schedule her
> >in for an appointment and frankly say to her that you need to have a
> >serious talk with her.  You want to talk alone, if possible; but, if
> >you since that  she's being a you know what about it, you might want
> >to include the boss.  For sure, you want the boss involved anyhow,
> >especially if it may involve work matters, (as I kind of suspect
> >this might).  Seems to me you've let this fester for much too long
> >already.  You should have done this nearer the beginning of the
> >issue.  IF the nice quiet chat fails to resolve, you might resort to
> >using a formal memorandum or something.
> >
> >It will be interesting to see what others have to say.
> >
> >
> >Sincerely,
> >The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
> >
> >Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
> >
> >Skype Name:
> >barefootedray
> >
> >On Dec 9, 2010, at 8:01 AM, Graves, Diane wrote:
> >
> > >
> > > Hello Federationists.
> > >
> > > First of all, let me apologize if I have posted this question
> > here before. I have been on the list, and dealing with the same
> > issue for a good number of years, and my memory is not what it used
> > to be. So, I'm hoping I'm not being repetitious, but here we go.
> > >
> > > Most of you who know me know that I am a long time federationist,
> > and am someone who has been blind since I was a toddler. Even so,
> > I'm afraid I still have not mastered the art of dealing with
> > condescending comments and behavior from my sighted colleagues in
> > an effective, graceful manner. I tend to have two modes. One is
> > passive, the other is aggressive. Each of these modes has a
> > negative impact, and neither is appropriate. I'm hoping I can get
> > some good suggestions here.
> > >
> > > The ironic thing about this as it relates to my coworkers is that
> > I work for a local civil rights agency. Some of those who are
> > dishing out this treatment are people who have likely experienced
> > similar treatment themselves, or have been commissioned to
> > eradicate this treatment.  Anyway, the list of instances is
> > infinite and stretches back to the onset of my blindness, but, in
> > the interest of time, I'll just give you the latest example.
> > >
> > > The office is having a holiday pitch-in on Friday and each staff
> > member was asked to sign up and bring a dish.  When I informed the
> > coordinator that I would be baking bread, she asked me "Oh, are you
> > sure you want to cook?" Duhhh? Now I would bet my life that no
> > other staff person who signed up to bring a dish (virtually all of
> > us) was asked this question. Even as I say it, it sounds a bit
> > minor, but these things add up and happen all the time.
> > >
> > > This same person is always volunteering to bring things to my
> > desk so that I don't have to come to her and pick them up or sign a
> > card for a staff member or whatever. She is always calling me
> > "honey/sweetie, and using a tone that one might use when talking
> > with a child. ." I have never heard her talk to another staff
> > person in this way. I talked to a group of high school students who
> > came to the office a few months ago about my job and what I do, and
> > this same person proceeded to tell me how very amazing I was. What?
> > I'm amazing because I can tell a group of kids what I do for a living?
> > >
> > > I have tried to talk to others about the treatment before and
> > have been told that people were just "trying to help," and that I
> > was making too much out of things. I have also had major melt downs
> > over these types of things before, and caused myself to be alienated.
> > >
> > > I don't want to be alienated. I want to have friends. I just want
> > to be viewed and treated as an equal, and not talked down to as if
> > I were a child or somehow less capable. It wouldn't be appropriate
> > on the basis of race, national origin or any other protected class,
> > and it isn't appropriate on the basis of blindness either.
> > >
> > > Anyway, how do the rest of you deal with things like this
> > effectively? Any feedback would really be appreciated.
> > >
> > > [cid:image002.gif at 01CB977C.AE939EC0]
> > >
> > > Diane Graves
> > > Civil Rights Specialist
> > > Indiana Civil Rights Commission
> > > Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
> > > 317-232-2647
> > >
> > > "It is service that measures success."
> > > George Washington Carver
> > >
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