[Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support

Jeanette Fortin jeanette at fortin-home.com
Thu Dec 9 22:30:43 UTC 2010 

i am from the south and honey and sweetie are so much a part of the culture 
i have never thougt of it in any other way than normal but have friends from 
the midwest and north who find it demeaning and annoying, jeanette
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Julie J" <julielj at windstream.net>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 3:25 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support


> Ray,
>
> I vacationed in New Orleans about a year ago.  It was odd to hear grown 
> ups call each other honey, sweetie and the like.  You are correct this is 
> not something done in the north in the same way those terms are used in 
> the south.   I wasn't offended at all because everyone talks that way to 
> everyone else.  It was normal and natural there.
>
> I have always lived in the Midwest.  Here, terms like honey and sweetie 
> are used for small children, animals and people in a socially inferior 
> status. Elderly people seem to get a free pass to call anyone under 40 
> sweetie.  And of course those terms might be appropriate in an intimate 
> setting between romantic partners. Waitresses seem to use those terms a 
> lot, which I find annoying but as long as they are treating all the 
> customers at the same level of annoying I let it go.
>
> HTH
> Julie
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Ray Foret Jr" <rforetjr at att.net>
> To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 3:48 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support
>
>
>> With respect to names like Honey and Sweetie, I should like to make one 
>> remark.  Down here in the South, this tends to be an affectation of 
>> speaking we use; so, that's the context in which I myself might use it. 
>> However, am I correct in guessing that this is not the context to which 
>> is being refred? ?  IF so, then we have an issue here with the use of 
>> them. My point is simply this.  To those north of the Mason dixon line, 
>> don't get offended if you're down here in thees parts and those names get 
>> used on you.  That's just our way of speaking.  I wanted to set the 
>> record straight because there is a massive cultural difference which 
>> might get lost and perhaps be misunderstood here.
>>
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>>
>> Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>>
>> Skype Name:
>> barefootedray
>>
>> On Dec 9, 2010, at 10:52 AM, Constance Canode wrote:
>>
>>> Diane, I agree with Ray.  If the chat doesn't work, you might want to 
>>> file a formal complaint.  As far as the names are concerned, there is a 
>>> physician where I worked who insisted on calling me sweetie or honey.  I 
>>> politely informed him that he must have misread my name tag because it 
>>> did not say either of those names on it.  He apologized and resorted to 
>>> calling me by name.
>>>
>>> Connie
>>> At 09:37 AM 12/9/2010, you wrote:
>>>> Diane,
>>>>
>>>> First things first.  Have you tried a nice quiet chat with this 
>>>> particular antagonist?  Seems to me it's high time you gave that a try. 
>>>> Sure, you don't want to go blowing up at her like an explosion or 
>>>> something.  Now, that would be wrong for you to do.  That might make 
>>>> you feel good for a very short time, but, frankly, I reckon that in the 
>>>> long term, you come off as a bitch.  I suppose you really do not want 
>>>> to do that.  Leaves a bad taste in the mouth; and, frankly, on the 
>>>> heart as well.  The thing of it is, YOu don't want to just give in 
>>>> either.  I'd start with a nice quiet chat.  I don't mean just get her 
>>>> in the break room or over by the water cooler for a second or so.  I 
>>>> mean you actually need to schedule her in for an appointment and 
>>>> frankly say to her that you need to have a serious talk with her.  You 
>>>> want to talk alone, if possible; but, if you since that  she's being a 
>>>> you know what about it, you might want to include the boss.  For sure, 
>>>> you want the boss involved anyhow, especially if it may involve work 
>>>> matters, (as I kind of suspect this might).  Seems to me you've let 
>>>> this fester for much too long already.  You should have done this 
>>>> nearer the beginning of the issue.  IF the nice quiet chat fails to 
>>>> resolve, you might resort to using a formal memorandum or something.
>>>>
>>>> It will be interesting to see what others have to say.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Sincerely,
>>>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>>>>
>>>> Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>>>>
>>>> Skype Name:
>>>> barefootedray
>>>>
>>>> On Dec 9, 2010, at 8:01 AM, Graves, Diane wrote:
>>>>
>>>> >
>>>> > Hello Federationists.
>>>> >
>>>> > First of all, let me apologize if I have posted this question here 
>>>> > before. I have been on the list, and dealing with the same issue for 
>>>> > a good number of years, and my memory is not what it used to be. So, 
>>>> > I'm hoping I'm not being repetitious, but here we go.
>>>> >
>>>> > Most of you who know me know that I am a long time federationist, and 
>>>> > am someone who has been blind since I was a toddler. Even so, I'm 
>>>> > afraid I still have not mastered the art of dealing with 
>>>> > condescending comments and behavior from my sighted colleagues in an 
>>>> > effective, graceful manner. I tend to have two modes. One is passive, 
>>>> > the other is aggressive. Each of these modes has a negative impact, 
>>>> > and neither is appropriate. I'm hoping I can get some good 
>>>> > suggestions here.
>>>> >
>>>> > The ironic thing about this as it relates to my coworkers is that I 
>>>> > work for a local civil rights agency. Some of those who are dishing 
>>>> > out this treatment are people who have likely experienced similar 
>>>> > treatment themselves, or have been commissioned to eradicate this 
>>>> > treatment.  Anyway, the list of instances is infinite and stretches 
>>>> > back to the onset of my blindness, but, in the interest of time, I'll 
>>>> > just give you the latest example.
>>>> >
>>>> > The office is having a holiday pitch-in on Friday and each staff 
>>>> > member was asked to sign up and bring a dish.  When I informed the 
>>>> > coordinator that I would be baking bread, she asked me "Oh, are you 
>>>> > sure you want to cook?" Duhhh? Now I would bet my life that no other 
>>>> > staff person who signed up to bring a dish (virtually all of us) was 
>>>> > asked this question. Even as I say it, it sounds a bit minor, but 
>>>> > these things add up and happen all the time.
>>>> >
>>>> > This same person is always volunteering to bring things to my desk so 
>>>> > that I don't have to come to her and pick them up or sign a card for 
>>>> > a staff member or whatever. She is always calling me "honey/sweetie, 
>>>> > and using a tone that one might use when talking with a child. ." I 
>>>> > have never heard her talk to another staff person in this way. I 
>>>> > talked to a group of high school students who came to the office a 
>>>> > few months ago about my job and what I do, and this same person 
>>>> > proceeded to tell me how very amazing I was. What? I'm amazing 
>>>> > because I can tell a group of kids what I do for a living?
>>>> >
>>>> > I have tried to talk to others about the treatment before and have 
>>>> > been told that people were just "trying to help," and that I was 
>>>> > making too much out of things. I have also had major melt downs over 
>>>> > these types of things before, and caused myself to be alienated.
>>>> >
>>>> > I don't want to be alienated. I want to have friends. I just want to 
>>>> > be viewed and treated as an equal, and not talked down to as if I 
>>>> > were a child or somehow less capable. It wouldn't be appropriate on 
>>>> > the basis of race, national origin or any other protected class, and 
>>>> > it isn't appropriate on the basis of blindness either.
>>>> >
>>>> > Anyway, how do the rest of you deal with things like this 
>>>> > effectively? Any feedback would really be appreciated.
>>>> >
>>>> > [cid:image002.gif at 01CB977C.AE939EC0]
>>>> >
>>>> > Diane Graves
>>>> > Civil Rights Specialist
>>>> > Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>>>> > Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>>>> > 317-232-2647
>>>> >
>>>> > "It is service that measures success."
>>>> > George Washington Carver
>>>> >
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>>>
>>>
>>>
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>>
>>
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>
>
>
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