[Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support
Constance Canode
satin-bear at sbcglobal.net
Fri Dec 10 00:35:25 UTC 2010
I have been in different areas in the South on many occasions and was
not offended by honey or whatever, but in the workplace, I think it
is quite offensive, especially when done by a male to a woman, to use
those names. I have always been a true womens' lib type person and I
don't think that it is right for a male boss or in my case a
physician with whom I worked to use that type of an endearment. Some
men to it to all women and I am truly offended by that, as in my
mind, it is very condescending. On the other hand, if I am friends
with a person, male or female, it is okay. I agree that wait staff
can be quite annoying with that kind of thing, but I usually just
ignore it as well. However, when in Rome, as they say, do what the
Romans do...smile. I love Southern food, so call me what you will,
especially when seafood is involved.
Connie
At 04:30 PM 12/9/2010, you wrote:
>i am from the south and honey and sweetie are so much a part of the
>culture i have never thougt of it in any other way than normal but
>have friends from the midwest and north who find it demeaning and
>annoying, jeanette
>----- Original Message ----- From: "Julie J" <julielj at windstream.net>
>To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 3:25 PM
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support
>
>
>>Ray,
>>
>>I vacationed in New Orleans about a year ago. It was odd to hear
>>grown ups call each other honey, sweetie and the like. You are
>>correct this is not something done in the north in the same way
>>those terms are used in the south. I wasn't offended at all
>>because everyone talks that way to everyone else. It was normal
>>and natural there.
>>
>>I have always lived in the Midwest. Here, terms like honey and
>>sweetie are used for small children, animals and people in a
>>socially inferior status. Elderly people seem to get a free pass to
>>call anyone under 40 sweetie. And of course those terms might be
>>appropriate in an intimate setting between romantic partners.
>>Waitresses seem to use those terms a lot, which I find annoying but
>>as long as they are treating all the customers at the same level of
>>annoying I let it go.
>>
>>HTH
>>Julie
>>
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Ray Foret Jr" <rforetjr at att.net>
>>To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 3:48 PM
>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support
>>
>>
>>>With respect to names like Honey and Sweetie, I should like to
>>>make one remark. Down here in the South, this tends to be an
>>>affectation of speaking we use; so, that's the context in which I
>>>myself might use it. However, am I correct in guessing that this
>>>is not the context to which is being refred? ? IF so, then we
>>>have an issue here with the use of them. My point is simply
>>>this. To those north of the Mason dixon line, don't get offended
>>>if you're down here in thees parts and those names get used on
>>>you. That's just our way of speaking. I wanted to set the record
>>>straight because there is a massive cultural difference which
>>>might get lost and perhaps be misunderstood here.
>>>
>>>
>>>Sincerely,
>>>The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>>>
>>>Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>>>
>>>Skype Name:
>>>barefootedray
>>>
>>>On Dec 9, 2010, at 10:52 AM, Constance Canode wrote:
>>>
>>>>Diane, I agree with Ray. If the chat doesn't work, you might
>>>>want to file a formal complaint. As far as the names are
>>>>concerned, there is a physician where I worked who insisted on
>>>>calling me sweetie or honey. I politely informed him that he
>>>>must have misread my name tag because it did not say either of
>>>>those names on it. He apologized and resorted to calling me by name.
>>>>
>>>>Connie
>>>>At 09:37 AM 12/9/2010, you wrote:
>>>>>Diane,
>>>>>
>>>>>First things first. Have you tried a nice quiet chat with this
>>>>>particular antagonist? Seems to me it's high time you gave that
>>>>>a try. Sure, you don't want to go blowing up at her like an
>>>>>explosion or something. Now, that would be wrong for you to
>>>>>do. That might make you feel good for a very short time, but,
>>>>>frankly, I reckon that in the long term, you come off as a
>>>>>bitch. I suppose you really do not want to do that. Leaves a
>>>>>bad taste in the mouth; and, frankly, on the heart as well. The
>>>>>thing of it is, YOu don't want to just give in either. I'd
>>>>>start with a nice quiet chat. I don't mean just get her in the
>>>>>break room or over by the water cooler for a second or so. I
>>>>>mean you actually need to schedule her in for an appointment and
>>>>>frankly say to her that you need to have a serious talk with
>>>>>her. You want to talk alone, if possible; but, if you since
>>>>>that she's being a you know what about it, you might want to
>>>>>include the boss. For sure, you want the boss involved anyhow,
>>>>>especially if it may involve work matters, (as I kind of suspect
>>>>>this might). Seems to me you've let this fester for much too
>>>>>long already. You should have done this nearer the beginning of
>>>>>the issue. IF the nice quiet chat fails to resolve, you might
>>>>>resort to using a formal memorandum or something.
>>>>>
>>>>>It will be interesting to see what others have to say.
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>Sincerely,
>>>>>The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>>>>>
>>>>>Skype Name:
>>>>>barefootedray
>>>>>
>>>>>On Dec 9, 2010, at 8:01 AM, Graves, Diane wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> >
>>>>> > Hello Federationists.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > First of all, let me apologize if I have posted this question
>>>>> here > before. I have been on the list, and dealing with the
>>>>> same issue for > a good number of years, and my memory is not
>>>>> what it used to be. So, > I'm hoping I'm not being repetitious, but here we go.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > Most of you who know me know that I am a long time
>>>>> federationist, and > am someone who has been blind since I was
>>>>> a toddler. Even so, I'm > afraid I still have not mastered the
>>>>> art of dealing with > condescending comments and behavior from
>>>>> my sighted colleagues in an > effective, graceful manner. I
>>>>> tend to have two modes. One is passive, > the other is
>>>>> aggressive. Each of these modes has a negative impact, > and
>>>>> neither is appropriate. I'm hoping I can get some good > suggestions here.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > The ironic thing about this as it relates to my coworkers is
>>>>> that I > work for a local civil rights agency. Some of those
>>>>> who are dishing > out this treatment are people who have likely
>>>>> experienced similar > treatment themselves, or have been
>>>>> commissioned to eradicate this > treatment. Anyway, the list
>>>>> of instances is infinite and stretches > back to the onset of
>>>>> my blindness, but, in the interest of time, I'll > just give
>>>>> you the latest example.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > The office is having a holiday pitch-in on Friday and each
>>>>> staff > member was asked to sign up and bring a dish. When I
>>>>> informed the > coordinator that I would be baking bread, she
>>>>> asked me "Oh, are you > sure you want to cook?" Duhhh? Now I
>>>>> would bet my life that no other > staff person who signed up to
>>>>> bring a dish (virtually all of us) was > asked this question.
>>>>> Even as I say it, it sounds a bit minor, but > these things add
>>>>> up and happen all the time.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > This same person is always volunteering to bring things to my
>>>>> desk so > that I don't have to come to her and pick them up or
>>>>> sign a card for > a staff member or whatever. She is always
>>>>> calling me "honey/sweetie, > and using a tone that one might
>>>>> use when talking with a child. ." I > have never heard her talk
>>>>> to another staff person in this way. I > talked to a group of
>>>>> high school students who came to the office a > few months ago
>>>>> about my job and what I do, and this same person > proceeded to
>>>>> tell me how very amazing I was. What? I'm amazing > because I
>>>>> can tell a group of kids what I do for a living?
>>>>> >
>>>>> > I have tried to talk to others about the treatment before and
>>>>> have > been told that people were just "trying to help," and
>>>>> that I was > making too much out of things. I have also had
>>>>> major melt downs over > these types of things before, and
>>>>> caused myself to be alienated.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > I don't want to be alienated. I want to have friends. I just
>>>>> want to > be viewed and treated as an equal, and not talked
>>>>> down to as if I > were a child or somehow less capable. It
>>>>> wouldn't be appropriate on > the basis of race, national origin
>>>>> or any other protected class, and > it isn't appropriate on the
>>>>> basis of blindness either.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > Anyway, how do the rest of you deal with things like this >
>>>>> effectively? Any feedback would really be appreciated.
>>>>> >
>>>>> > [cid:image002.gif at 01CB977C.AE939EC0]
>>>>> >
>>>>> > Diane Graves
>>>>> > Civil Rights Specialist
>>>>> > Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>>>>> > Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>>>>> > 317-232-2647
>>>>> >
>>>>> > "It is service that measures success."
>>>>> > George Washington Carver
>>>>> >
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>>>>>
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>
>>
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>
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