[Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support

Fri Dec 10 13:22:33 UTC 2010

Hi Ray,

I completely understand this. I acknowledge that there are some people who just talk that way. Everybody is honey  sweetie, baby and on and on.  There is a woman in our own chapter who uses those terms of endearment for almost everyone she speaks too. She is a really good friend, and I have no problem with this whatsoever. She isn't doing it because I am blind/inferior. She is blind too, and that's just the way she talks to people.

But then there are those who reserve those terms of endearment for children, and the blind or those that they perceive to be inferior. They typically don't speak to other adults in that manner. Those are the people with whom I have major problems. Those are the people who need to "get a clue."

Diane Graves
Civil Rights Specialist
Indiana Civil Rights Commission
Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
317-232-2647

"It is service that measures success."
George Washington Carver

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-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Ray Foret Jr
Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 4:49 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support

With respect to names like Honey and Sweetie, I should like to make one remark.  Down here in the South, this tends to be an affectation of speaking we use; so, that's the context in which I myself might use it.  However, am I correct in guessing that this is not the context to which is being refred? ?  IF so, then we have an issue here with the use of them.  My point is simply this.  To those north of the Mason dixon line, don't get offended if you're down here in thees parts and those names get used on you.  That's just our way of speaking.  I wanted to set the record straight because there is a massive cultural difference which might get lost and perhaps be misunderstood here.

Sincerely, 
The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!

Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!

Skype Name:
barefootedray

On Dec 9, 2010, at 10:52 AM, Constance Canode wrote:

> Diane, I agree with Ray.  If the chat doesn't work, you might want to file a formal complaint.  As far as the names are concerned, there is a physician where I worked who insisted on calling me sweetie or honey.  I politely informed him that he must have misread my name tag because it did not say either of those names on it.  He apologized and resorted to calling me by name.
> 
> Connie
> At 09:37 AM 12/9/2010, you wrote:
>> Diane,
>> 
>> First things first.  Have you tried a nice quiet chat with this particular antagonist?  Seems to me it's high time you gave that a try.  Sure, you don't want to go blowing up at her like an explosion or something.  Now, that would be wrong for you to do.  That might make you feel good for a very short time, but, frankly, I reckon that in the long term, you come off as a bitch.  I suppose you really do not want to do that.  Leaves a bad taste in the mouth; and, frankly, on the heart as well.  The thing of it is, YOu don't want to just give in either.  I'd start with a nice quiet chat.  I don't mean just get her in the break room or over by the water cooler for a second or so.  I mean you actually need to schedule her in for an appointment and frankly say to her that you need to have a serious talk with her.  You want to talk alone, if possible; but, if you since that  she's being a you know what about it, you might want to include the boss.  For sure, you want the boss invo
 lved anyhow, especially if it may involve work matters, (as I kind of suspect this might).  Seems to me you've let this fester for much too long already.  You should have done this nearer the beginning of the issue.  IF the nice quiet chat fails to resolve, you might resort to using a formal memorandum or something.
>> 
>> It will be interesting to see what others have to say.
>> 
>> 
>> Sincerely,
>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>> 
>> Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>> 
>> Skype Name:
>> barefootedray
>> 
>> On Dec 9, 2010, at 8:01 AM, Graves, Diane wrote:
>> 
>> >
>> > Hello Federationists.
>> >
>> > First of all, let me apologize if I have posted this question here before. I have been on the list, and dealing with the same issue for a good number of years, and my memory is not what it used to be. So, I'm hoping I'm not being repetitious, but here we go.
>> >
>> > Most of you who know me know that I am a long time federationist, and am someone who has been blind since I was a toddler. Even so, I'm afraid I still have not mastered the art of dealing with condescending comments and behavior from my sighted colleagues in an effective, graceful manner. I tend to have two modes. One is passive, the other is aggressive. Each of these modes has a negative impact, and neither is appropriate. I'm hoping I can get some good suggestions here.
>> >
>> > The ironic thing about this as it relates to my coworkers is that I work for a local civil rights agency. Some of those who are dishing out this treatment are people who have likely experienced similar treatment themselves, or have been commissioned to eradicate this treatment.  Anyway, the list of instances is infinite and stretches back to the onset of my blindness, but, in the interest of time, I'll just give you the latest example.
>> >
>> > The office is having a holiday pitch-in on Friday and each staff member was asked to sign up and bring a dish.  When I informed the coordinator that I would be baking bread, she asked me "Oh, are you sure you want to cook?" Duhhh? Now I would bet my life that no other staff person who signed up to bring a dish (virtually all of us) was asked this question. Even as I say it, it sounds a bit minor, but these things add up and happen all the time.
>> >
>> > This same person is always volunteering to bring things to my desk so that I don't have to come to her and pick them up or sign a card for a staff member or whatever. She is always calling me "honey/sweetie, and using a tone that one might use when talking with a child. ." I have never heard her talk to another staff person in this way. I talked to a group of high school students who came to the office a few months ago about my job and what I do, and this same person proceeded to tell me how very amazing I was. What? I'm amazing because I can tell a group of kids what I do for a living?
>> >
>> > I have tried to talk to others about the treatment before and have been told that people were just "trying to help," and that I was making too much out of things. I have also had major melt downs over these types of things before, and caused myself to be alienated.
>> >
>> > I don't want to be alienated. I want to have friends. I just want to be viewed and treated as an equal, and not talked down to as if I were a child or somehow less capable. It wouldn't be appropriate on the basis of race, national origin or any other protected class, and it isn't appropriate on the basis of blindness either.
>> >
>> > Anyway, how do the rest of you deal with things like this effectively? Any feedback would really be appreciated.
>> >
>> > [cid:image002.gif at 01CB977C.AE939EC0]
>> >
>> > Diane Graves
>> > Civil Rights Specialist
>> > Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>> > Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>> > 317-232-2647
>> >
>> > "It is service that measures success."
>> > George Washington Carver
>> >
>> > Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain confidential and/or legally privileged information intended only for the individual or entity(ies)
>> > named in the E-mail address. If you are not the intended recipient, be advised that any unauthorized disclosure, copying, distribution, or acting in reliance
>> > upon the contents of this E-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this E-mail transmission in error, please reply to sender to arrange for the return and proper delivery of the transmission. Subsequently, delete the message from your system immediately.
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> 
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