[Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support

Mark J. Cadigan kramc11 at gmail.com
Mon Dec 13 20:41:44 UTC 2010 

You forgot tonic. Lol



----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Ray Foret Jr" <rforetjr at att.net>
To: "Blind Talk Mailing List" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, December 13, 2010 2:45 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support


> Me, I'll take a Sota, pop and a coke too.  All three the same.
>
>
> Sincerely,
> The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>
> Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>
> Skype Name:
> barefootedray
>
> On Dec 13, 2010, at 1:31 PM, Hyde, David W. (ESC) wrote:
>
>> Yes, there are regionalisms. Please be kind to those of us who, through 
>> no fault of our own, weren't born in yours. Now, let see, was I going for 
>> a soda or a pop? I guess it doesn't matter, I don't have a poke to put it 
>> in. You know, mixed marriages do work. I married a women from North 
>> Carolina, so at least I understand a bit of the language.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>> Behalf Of Gary Wunder
>> Sent: Monday, December 13, 2010 12:24 PM
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support
>>
>> There is also the use of Hun in Baltimore, short for honey I guess, but I 
>> hear that frequently at restaurants when I'm there.
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>> Behalf Of Ray Foret Jr
>> Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2010 3:49 PM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Needing Feedback and Support
>>
>> With respect to names like Honey and Sweetie, I should like to make one 
>> remark.  Down here in the South, this tends to be an affectation of 
>> speaking we use; so, that's the context in which I myself might use it. 
>> However, am I correct in guessing that this is not the context to which 
>> is being refred?
>> ?  IF so, then we have an issue here with the use of them.  My point is 
>> simply this.  To those north of the Mason dixon line, don't get offended 
>> if you're down here in thees parts and those names get used on you. 
>> That's just our way of speaking.  I wanted to set the record straight 
>> because there is a massive cultural difference which might get lost and 
>> perhaps be misunderstood here.
>>
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>>
>> Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>>
>> Skype Name:
>> barefootedray
>>
>> On Dec 9, 2010, at 10:52 AM, Constance Canode wrote:
>>
>>> Diane, I agree with Ray.  If the chat doesn't work, you might want to
>>> file
>> a formal complaint.  As far as the names are concerned, there is a 
>> physician where I worked who insisted on calling me sweetie or honey.  I 
>> politely informed him that he must have misread my name tag because it 
>> did not say either of those names on it.  He apologized and resorted to 
>> calling me by name.
>>>
>>> Connie
>>> At 09:37 AM 12/9/2010, you wrote:
>>>> Diane,
>>>>
>>>> First things first.  Have you tried a nice quiet chat with this
>> particular antagonist?  Seems to me it's high time you gave that a try.
>> Sure, you don't want to go blowing up at her like an explosion or 
>> something.
>> Now, that would be wrong for you to do.  That might make you feel good 
>> for a very short time, but, frankly, I reckon that in the long term, you 
>> come off as a bitch.  I suppose you really do not want to do that. 
>> Leaves a bad taste in the mouth; and, frankly, on the heart as well.  The 
>> thing of it is, YOu don't want to just give in either.  I'd start with a 
>> nice quiet chat.  I don't mean just get her in the break room or over by 
>> the water cooler for a second or so.  I mean you actually need to 
>> schedule her in for an appointment and frankly say to her that you need 
>> to have a serious talk with her.  You want to talk alone, if possible; 
>> but, if you since that  she's being a you know what about it, you might 
>> want to include the boss.  For sure, you want the boss involved anyhow, 
>> especially if it may involve work matters, (as I kind of suspect this 
>> might).  Seems to me you've let this fester for much too long already. 
>> You should have done this nearer the beginning of the issue.  IF the nice 
>> quiet chat fails to resolve, you might resort to using a formal 
>> memorandum or something.
>>>>
>>>> It will be interesting to see what others have to say.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Sincerely,
>>>> The Constantly Barefooted Ray!!!
>>>>
>>>> Now A Very Proud and very happy Mac user!!!
>>>>
>>>> Skype Name:
>>>> barefootedray
>>>>
>>>> On Dec 9, 2010, at 8:01 AM, Graves, Diane wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Hello Federationists.
>>>>>
>>>>> First of all, let me apologize if I have posted this question here
>> before. I have been on the list, and dealing with the same issue for a 
>> good number of years, and my memory is not what it used to be. So, I'm 
>> hoping I'm not being repetitious, but here we go.
>>>>>
>>>>> Most of you who know me know that I am a long time federationist,
>>>>> and
>> am someone who has been blind since I was a toddler. Even so, I'm afraid 
>> I still have not mastered the art of dealing with condescending comments 
>> and behavior from my sighted colleagues in an effective, graceful manner. 
>> I tend to have two modes. One is passive, the other is aggressive. Each 
>> of these modes has a negative impact, and neither is appropriate. I'm 
>> hoping I can get some good suggestions here.
>>>>>
>>>>> The ironic thing about this as it relates to my coworkers is that I
>> work for a local civil rights agency. Some of those who are dishing out 
>> this treatment are people who have likely experienced similar treatment 
>> themselves, or have been commissioned to eradicate this treatment. 
>> Anyway, the list of instances is infinite and stretches back to the onset 
>> of my blindness, but, in the interest of time, I'll just give you the 
>> latest example.
>>>>>
>>>>> The office is having a holiday pitch-in on Friday and each staff
>>>>> member
>> was asked to sign up and bring a dish.  When I informed the coordinator 
>> that I would be baking bread, she asked me "Oh, are you sure you want to 
>> cook?"
>> Duhhh? Now I would bet my life that no other staff person who signed up 
>> to bring a dish (virtually all of us) was asked this question. Even as I 
>> say it, it sounds a bit minor, but these things add up and happen all the 
>> time.
>>>>>
>>>>> This same person is always volunteering to bring things to my desk
>>>>> so
>> that I don't have to come to her and pick them up or sign a card for a 
>> staff member or whatever. She is always calling me "honey/sweetie, and 
>> using a tone that one might use when talking with a child. ." I have 
>> never heard her talk to another staff person in this way. I talked to a 
>> group of high school students who came to the office a few months ago 
>> about my job and what I do, and this same person proceeded to tell me how 
>> very amazing I was. What? I'm amazing because I can tell a group of kids 
>> what I do for a living?
>>>>>
>>>>> I have tried to talk to others about the treatment before and have
>>>>> been
>> told that people were just "trying to help," and that I was making too 
>> much out of things. I have also had major melt downs over these types of 
>> things before, and caused myself to be alienated.
>>>>>
>>>>> I don't want to be alienated. I want to have friends. I just want
>>>>> to be
>> viewed and treated as an equal, and not talked down to as if I were a 
>> child or somehow less capable. It wouldn't be appropriate on the basis of 
>> race, national origin or any other protected class, and it isn't 
>> appropriate on the basis of blindness either.
>>>>>
>>>>> Anyway, how do the rest of you deal with things like this effectively?
>> Any feedback would really be appreciated.
>>>>>
>>>>> [cid:image002.gif at 01CB977C.AE939EC0]
>>>>>
>>>>> Diane Graves
>>>>> Civil Rights Specialist
>>>>> Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>>>>> Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>>>>> 317-232-2647
>>>>>
>>>>> "It is service that measures success."
>>>>> George Washington Carver
>>>>>
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