[Blindtlk] Navigating Cafeteria Lines

Tue Aug 9 16:14:27 UTC 2011

I find that smiling a lot, even when I don’t necessarily feel like 
smiling, and being generally good natured helps avoid people taking 
offense too casually.  I mean, y'all know me around here.  When I 
want to be, which is probably more often than is good for me, I can 
be a real, well, you know…

So even when I’m feeling like I’d really like to tell some hapless 
moron off, and any hapless moron will do (and of course the whole 
world is full of hapless morons when I’m in such a mood), I really 
have to force myself to be civil.  Mostly.  *innocent smile*

I get asked all the time if I need help carrying a tray.  Some couple 
of months ago, I responded with, "Nah!  If I don’t carry it myself, 
you’ll never get to see my awesome blind person carrying a tray 
without spilling his full cup technique!"  The guffaw in response to 
that one told me I had not offended in the least!

Consequently, upon relating that story to my Godmother, she told me 
that I really needed to see the movie Kung Fu Panda, which she and 
her best friend Mary had recently watched together.  They had two 
reactions: It was incredibly funny, and the main character reminded 
them an awful lot of somebody.  No idea who that might have been, 
nope!  *grin*

Just Sunday, I was working with other Knights of Columbus at a 
barbecue.  Well, there were stakes with tape streamers directing 
people where to park and where not to park, and the people in the car 
with me ran over to step on the tape to give me an unubstructed path.  
I tried to explain carefully as I was walking over the now opened 
spot that I could go under or over just like anyone else.  Dunno if 
that sank in or not.  But y'know, the truth is that it doesn’t really 
much matter either way.  Most people do if they spend much time 
around me, and he really hasn’t yet.

Just one more ferinstance.  The whole situation with TSA coming back 
from Orlando.  My dignity was not "stripped", even though I was 
required literally to remove articles of clothing and be subjected to  
an invasive pat down in full view of other passengers as punishment 
for refusing to take someone’s arm and be led around.  I left there 
with my head held high.  They did not humiliate me, because I would 
not allow myself to be humiliated by their treatment of me.  If 
anything, their attempts to punish me for refusing a sighted guide 
backfired as to whatever effect it was supposed to have on me.  Maybe 
other passengers were shamed, but I was not.

I am coming to believe that dignity is very hard to take from a 
person if they’re unwilling to let it be taken.  In fact, I suspect 
it may even be impossible.  A loss of dignity comes only when you let 
yourself be embarrassed, humiliated, or otherwise shamed.  If you are 
not willing to allow those things, then it is the other’s dignity 
that suffers, and not your own.

If you are not shamed by the foolish things other people do around 
you because of their own silly assumptions about blindness, then what 
dignity have you lost?  Be confident in yourself and know that they 
are embarrassing themselves—not you—and you will walk away with your 
head high as well.

Joseph - kf7qzc

On Tue, Aug 09, 2011 at 09:23:37AM -0400, Graves, Diane wrote:
>Hi Guys,
>
>Okay now my question is this. I am not the most assertive person in the world. I find that when I make attempts to overcome this I usually end up offending someone and going more towards the aggressive. However, my experience is that usually when I ask for help and often when I don't, I'll have a tray or whatever taken out of my hands by someone who is meaning to be helpful, but just kind of takes over. How do you handle this, while keeping your dignity, and that of the other person in tact? When I try to refuse the assistance, or simply explain that some verbal directions will do, they often want to argue, which just makes me angry. Does anyone else experience this?
>
>
>
>Diane Graves
>Civil Rights Specialist
>Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>317-232-2647
>
>"It is service that measures success."
>George Washington Carver
>
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>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of T. Joseph Carter
>Sent: Tuesday, August 09, 2011 5:00 AM
>To: nimerjaber1 at gmail.com; Blind Talk Mailing List
>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Navigating Cafeteria Lines
>
>We actually teach people in our training centers to ask for what they
>need.  Certainly, we teach them skills so that they will need less
>than they used to, but the point stands.
>
>I still often order what someone else is having at restaurants to
>avoid the accessible menu hassle.  Particularly with menu boards.
>
>I also ask people for directions, for information about layouts of
>cafeterias, and lots of questions about what and where things are.
>It works, as long as I generally assume that the people around me
>don’t owe me anything and I ought not take advantage of their
>willingness to answer overly much.  That is, just because you told me
>what something was doesn’t turn you into my personal assistant.
>
>I generally carry my own tray, though out at a picnic fund raiser I
>was working this weekend, the ground was very uneven and I’d rather
>wished once or twice that I’d accepted the offer made to carry it for
>me.  I almost spilled my drink about half a dozen times!  I didn’t
>because I’m quite able to carry my own.  Besides, as one of the cooks
>I was both aware of the frenzied pace and the effect of leaving the
>service line short a pair of hands.  I managed, I just had to walk
>far more slowly than I otherwise would.  I got the job done without
>spilling but the first drop.
>
>Basically, you do whatever works.  *smile*
>
>Joseph - kf7qzc
>
>
>On Mon, Aug 08, 2011 at 02:38:15PM -0500, Nimer M. Jaber, IC³ wrote:
>>Dave, Gary and all,
>>
>>My comments stemmed from my experience with a few NFB members who
>>believe that asking for assistance when it's needed, even though not
>>doing so could result in them doing something foolish or causing pain
>>to someone else, is not something they do. It wasn't intended to be a
>>negative characterization of the NFB or any other organization, I was
>>just basing my statements from experiences.
>>
>>Thanks.
>>
>>On 08.08.2011, David Evans <drevans at bellsouth.net> wrote:
>>> Dear Kelby,
>>>
>>> Here are some tips I have found useful.
>>> Ask someone to give you a description of the layout of the area and maybe
>>> walk you around the first time so you can get an idea of the arrangement of
>>> the room, the lanes and the locations of such things as the soda machines,
>>> the salad bar, the entrees and so on.
>>> Use a tray if you can and you can likely slide it along the food serving
>>> tables as you find what you want and place it on the tray.
>>> I always lead the tray with one hand to keep from running the tray into
>>> other people's trays and so I do not push the tray off the end of the slide
>>> and on to the floor.
>>> If I can, I try to follow another person and I may even engage them in
>>> conversation and use this to give me clues as to when to move up or which
>>> way to turn and when.
>>>   I might even ask them for some help if I need it.  Never be to proud to
>>> ask for help if you need it.
>>> When I carry a tray, I place the heaviest objects closest to my hand nearest
>>> me.  This lets me balance the tray and the load on it better and keep it
>>> under control.
>>> I generally hold my cane in my right hand and also one side of the tray.  I
>>> can still swing my cane to help me find my way and keep a balance on the
>>> tray.
>>> Finding a place to sit can sometimes be a challenge, but I ask other people
>>> if there is an open seat in the area and generally do okay.  I sometimes ask
>>> the casher if there is a seat nearby and to give me some rough directions.
>>> I always carry my own food, but I ask for help when I feel I need it and
>>> conditions warnt it.
>>> I am sure that there are many other tips out there.  I never had anyone show
>>> me how to do it and just had to figure it out for myself.
>>> Use caps or covers on drinks when ever you can to cut down on spills.  I
>>> usually place my drink next to my left hand, at the corner of the tray, so I
>>> can place a finger on it to help keep it from sliding and spilling.
>>>   I hope others have some tips that help you out also.
>>>
>>> David Evans, NFBF and GD Jack.
>>> Nuclear/Aerospace Materials Engineer
>>> Builder of the Lunar Rovers and the F-117 Stealth Fighter
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Gary Wunder" <GWunder at earthlink.net>
>>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Monday, August 08, 2011 12:39 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Navigating Cafeteria Lines
>>>
>>>
>>>> Hi Kelby. You may get some answers here, but you might also try posting to
>>>> the blind student's list.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>>> Behalf Of Kelby Carlson
>>>> Sent: Monday, August 08, 2011 9:23 AM
>>>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Navigating Cafeteria Lines
>>>>
>>>> Hey, list.
>>>>
>>>> I'll be starting college mobility soon, and one of the things I
>>>> am wondering about is navigating cafeteria lines.  I haven't done
>>>> this much in high school (I brought my own lunch.) Have any of
>>>> you worked out ways of navigating the lines in the cafeteria that
>>>> don't require a ton of sighted guide? How do you get information
>>>> on items away from the main buffet line?
>>>>
>>>>
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>>
>>
>>--
>>Nimer M. Jaber
>>
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