[Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?

Mon Feb 28 00:02:27 UTC 2011

Jessica, I was married to a sighted man for 20 years, in thos eyears i did 
ot carry my cane, i didn't really go much of anywhere on my own and I still 
do nt go much of anywhere on my own, I usually have achild with me. But 
since I started with NFB a year ago i drug out my old cane from  high school 
and carry it with me, my friends have a mixed response, some of them 
haven'really said anything, others are concerned i don't trust them and 
others don't see the need.
Although I have some vision I find that having the cane withme makes me feel 
safer and makes me wish I had sued it through the years, my skills are rusty 
and when I went to the national convention last year I used it a lot 
wondering around the big hotel in Dallas.
 I personally think after having been married to a sighted person who felt 
no need for my cane, that i wished i had used it, i lost a lot of my 
independance and confidence in my ability to get around alone.
Previous to marrying i had lived and worked in Dallas and went everywhere on 
my own and I am looking forward to developing that confidence and 
independance again. Jeanette
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Brian Miller" <brian-r-miller at uiowa.edu>
To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 4:28 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?


> Hi Jessica,
>
> Thank you for sharing what I'm sure is a common dilemma.  I think it often
> makes more sense to take your sighted partner's elbow and go sighted guide
> in crowded public spaces, plus it's sometimes just nice to walk together.
> However, I always use my cane in addition to taking a friend or family
> member's elbow.  It's when they say, "Hey, can't you put that cane away
> while I'm guiding you?" that you have a problem.  This signals deeper 
> issues
> with blindness and social stigma that needs to be address.
>
> The key is making sure you always have your cane with you, and do as much 
> on
> your own as you can to maintain skills, confidence, and independence.  I
> believe one does lose fluency with the cane the less you use it.
>
> Just as your boyfirend doesn't want to feel like he's simply barking
> directions at a dog, and feeling like a jerk, you also don't want to feel
> like an appendage of your boyfriend, or for him to feel as though he's 
> your
> assistant, not your boyfirend.  These are tricky things to navigate, and 
> the
> more openly you can discuss it, the better. Its' actually good that your
> boyfirend is being so frank with you about how he feels in this regard, so
> long as he's sharing his concerns sincerely and with openness to your 
> needs.
>
>
> Good luck,
> Brian Miller
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Michelle Medina
> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 5:34 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>
> I just returned from San Antonio TX, and was with my friend, but I to used
> my cane often, even in crowds, especially in crowds, and alot of the time, 
> I
> tried to just walk near her.
>
> On 2/27/11, Marion Gwizdala <blind411 at verizon.net> wrote:
>> Jessica,
>>     when I was dating my ex-wife who is sighted, she would always
>> encourage me to put my cane away when we were together and just hold
>> her hand. One day we were walking through the mall and she turned to
>> look at something. Just as she did, she ran me into one of those metal
>> signs a business had parked in the walkway. It fell to the ground with
>> a crash that was probably heard from one end of the mall to the other.
>> "That's why I use my cane!" I told her as I took it out of my pocket
>> and unfolded it. She never complained about me using my cane after that.
>>     I would still hold her hand and she would give me direction
>> through our hand-holding but I used my cane in conjunction with her
>> sighted guide. Still today, whenever I use sighted guide, I always use my
> cane too!
>>
>> fraternally yours,
>> Marion Gwizdala
>>
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Jessica Kostiw" <jessicac.kostiw at gmail.com>
>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>; "'Pamela Allen'"
>> <pallen at lcb-ruston.com>
>> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 4:41 PM
>> Subject: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>>
>>
>>> Hello List,
>>> This is Jessica Kostiw.  I have been on this list for quite a while,
>>> but do not post very often.  I am hoping to get some good advice on
>>> an issue that I am sure we have all faced.
>>>
>>> I am a Louisiana Center for the Blind graduate, and well appreciate
>>> the important of the travel skills I acquired there.
>>> If you are like me though, the significant majority of your time is
>>> spent with other sighted people.  My longtime boyfriend Jon is
>>> sighted.  He has actually purchased a cane from the NFB and wants to
>>> go under sleep shades to see what it is like.  The thing is on the
>>> one hand he is very supportive, but more and more when we are
>>> together in a store or something would very much rather that I just
>>> take his hand.  He says it's quicker and makes more sense, but I want
>>> to be able to be independent.  I don't see why he can't just walk by
>>> me and give me directions or something.  When we do that though, he
>>> says he feels like he is just calling a dog.  He may as well ring a
>>> cowbell.  He can't keep up chatter all the time and becomes harder
>>> for me to follow.  People give dirty looks like "why isn't that guy
>>> helping that blind lady?"  Part of me understands what he is saying,
>>> I have heard the same arguments from my mom.  My sister is so
>>> impatient and always just insists that I take her elbow.  I live in
>>> Virginia.  There is no public transportation where I live, and I am
>>> concerned that always being around sighted people with this attitude
>>> will eventually cause me to lose my skills.  This Email is focusing
>>> on the situation with Jon only because I am concerned about our
>>> future.  We are definitely working towards marriage and children and
>>> all that and I don't want to feel like I am completely dependent on
>>> my husband and can't equally contribute when we take any future
>>> children out in public.  We have already agreed that we will live in
>>> an area with good public transportation so I won't feel dependent and
>>> can do things
>>> on my own, but again what about when we are together?   Do I have to
>>> sacrifice my independence to make it easier on him?
>>>
>>> Any incite would be greatly appreciated!!
>>> Jessica
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Judd
>>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 2:31 AM
>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>>
>>> I tried accessing the facebook lite site, and it worked.
>>> http://lite.facebook.com
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Bonnie Lucas" <lucas.bonnie at gmail.com>
>>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 12:47 AM
>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>>
>>>
>>> Not sure what has happened but we discovered the same thing today as
> well.
>>> Perhaps it is something that will be fixed soon. My daughter and I
>>> tried everything to get it to let us click on things but it would
>>> not. Not sure what's up!
>>> Bonnie
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of humberto
>>> Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 7:35 PM
>>> To: gui-talk at nfbnet.org; nfbcs at nfbnet.org
>>> Cc: blindTlk at nfbnet.org
>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>>
>>> ---- Original Message ------
>>> From: Michelle Abadia <michelle.abadia at verizon.net
>>> Subject: [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>> Date sent: Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:40:45 -0500
>>>
>>> Hi.
>>>
>>> I apologize for the unrelated topic.
>>> I've been using Facebook successfully on my windows 7 laptop, using
>>> (www.m.facebook.com), which I think our litt moderator suggested
>>> because (www.facebook.com) wasn't very accessible with jaws.
>>> This morning, I come to find that now, m.facebook.com isn't
>>> accessible either! Everything is preceeded by "same page link", and
>>> when I click on something or try to write a message, the system won't
>>> let me. This happened overnight, because I was able to work on
>>> Facebook just 24 hours ago.
>>>
>>> Could someone please give me some assistance with this off list at
>>> Michelle.abadia at verizon.net ?
>>>
>>> Thanks so much in advance.
>>>
>>> Michelle Abadia
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>>
>>
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>
>
> --
> I'm trying to understand the choices you made as a young man, Dad. I'm
> trying and failing and in agony because I must go back to a home that is 
> not
> my home.
> San Antonio:
> I love you and I miss you already and I haven't even left yet.
>
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