[Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?

Tue Mar 1 07:18:06 UTC 2011

Jessica,
I completely don't mean to sound harsh, but as to the first issue you
raised, he'll just have to put up with the dirty looks. As I said, I
completely don't mean to sound harsh, but if you can handle it and he
can handle it, then it doesn't matter what looks he's getting. I have
plenty of experience with this for a different reason. I was born with
a very rare birthdefect called a Tessier Cleft and have had 66
reconstructive surgeries to close my face and build up bone structure.
People stare all the time, it just comes with the territory, so the
only two options are to deal with it or never go out in public. In
your case, the option would be to use your cane anyway or not use it
and lose your independence.
As to the second question, that's why it is important to use the cane
no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. I even use it in
crowds along with some sighted guide assistance as needed.
When we went to marte gra last Febuary when I was in la, there wasn't
a ton of sighted guide going on. There was some, but not alot. It was
mostly up to us to keep up with our groups and if you weren't there
when the group hit the next corner, they'd stop and wait for you to
catch up.

On 2/28/11, Jessica Kostiw <jessicac.kostiw at gmail.com> wrote:
> Jeanette, this is exactly the type of situation I am trying to avoid
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Jeanette Fortin
> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 6:02 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List  I want to maintain my independence.
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>
> Jessica, I was married to a sighted man for 20 years, in thos eyears i did
> ot carry my cane, i didn't really go much of anywhere on my own and I still
> do nt go much of anywhere on my own, I usually have achild with me. But
> since I started with NFB a year ago i drug out my old cane from  high school
>
> and carry it with me, my friends have a mixed response, some of them
> haven'really said anything, others are concerned i don't trust them and
> others don't see the need.
> Although I have some vision I find that having the cane withme makes me feel
>
> safer and makes me wish I had sued it through the years, my skills are rusty
>
> and when I went to the national convention last year I used it a lot
> wondering around the big hotel in Dallas.
>  I personally think after having been married to a sighted person who felt
> no need for my cane, that i wished i had used it, i lost a lot of my
> independance and confidence in my ability to get around alone.
> Previous to marrying i had lived and worked in Dallas and went everywhere on
>
> my own and I am looking forward to developing that confidence and
> independance again. Jeanette
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Brian Miller" <brian-r-miller at uiowa.edu>
> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 4:28 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>
>
>> Hi Jessica,
>>
>> Thank you for sharing what I'm sure is a common dilemma.  I think it often
>> makes more sense to take your sighted partner's elbow and go sighted guide
>> in crowded public spaces, plus it's sometimes just nice to walk together.
>> However, I always use my cane in addition to taking a friend or family
>> member's elbow.  It's when they say, "Hey, can't you put that cane away
>> while I'm guiding you?" that you have a problem.  This signals deeper
>> issues
>> with blindness and social stigma that needs to be address.
>>
>> The key is making sure you always have your cane with you, and do as much
>> on
>> your own as you can to maintain skills, confidence, and independence.  I
>> believe one does lose fluency with the cane the less you use it.
>>
>> Just as your boyfirend doesn't want to feel like he's simply barking
>> directions at a dog, and feeling like a jerk, you also don't want to feel
>> like an appendage of your boyfriend, or for him to feel as though he's
>> your
>> assistant, not your boyfirend.  These are tricky things to navigate, and
>> the
>> more openly you can discuss it, the better. Its' actually good that your
>> boyfirend is being so frank with you about how he feels in this regard, so
>> long as he's sharing his concerns sincerely and with openness to your
>> needs.
>>
>>
>> Good luck,
>> Brian Miller
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Michelle Medina
>> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 5:34 PM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>>
>> I just returned from San Antonio TX, and was with my friend, but I to used
>> my cane often, even in crowds, especially in crowds, and alot of the time,
>
>> I
>> tried to just walk near her.
>>
>> On 2/27/11, Marion Gwizdala <blind411 at verizon.net> wrote:
>>> Jessica,
>>>     when I was dating my ex-wife who is sighted, she would always
>>> encourage me to put my cane away when we were together and just hold
>>> her hand. One day we were walking through the mall and she turned to
>>> look at something. Just as she did, she ran me into one of those metal
>>> signs a business had parked in the walkway. It fell to the ground with
>>> a crash that was probably heard from one end of the mall to the other.
>>> "That's why I use my cane!" I told her as I took it out of my pocket
>>> and unfolded it. She never complained about me using my cane after that.
>>>     I would still hold her hand and she would give me direction
>>> through our hand-holding but I used my cane in conjunction with her
>>> sighted guide. Still today, whenever I use sighted guide, I always use my
>> cane too!
>>>
>>> fraternally yours,
>>> Marion Gwizdala
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Jessica Kostiw" <jessicac.kostiw at gmail.com>
>>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>; "'Pamela Allen'"
>>> <pallen at lcb-ruston.com>
>>> Sent: Sunday, February 27, 2011 4:41 PM
>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] To Cane or Not To Cane?
>>>
>>>
>>>> Hello List,
>>>> This is Jessica Kostiw.  I have been on this list for quite a while,
>>>> but do not post very often.  I am hoping to get some good advice on
>>>> an issue that I am sure we have all faced.
>>>>
>>>> I am a Louisiana Center for the Blind graduate, and well appreciate
>>>> the important of the travel skills I acquired there.
>>>> If you are like me though, the significant majority of your time is
>>>> spent with other sighted people.  My longtime boyfriend Jon is
>>>> sighted.  He has actually purchased a cane from the NFB and wants to
>>>> go under sleep shades to see what it is like.  The thing is on the
>>>> one hand he is very supportive, but more and more when we are
>>>> together in a store or something would very much rather that I just
>>>> take his hand.  He says it's quicker and makes more sense, but I want
>>>> to be able to be independent.  I don't see why he can't just walk by
>>>> me and give me directions or something.  When we do that though, he
>>>> says he feels like he is just calling a dog.  He may as well ring a
>>>> cowbell.  He can't keep up chatter all the time and becomes harder
>>>> for me to follow.  People give dirty looks like "why isn't that guy
>>>> helping that blind lady?"  Part of me understands what he is saying,
>>>> I have heard the same arguments from my mom.  My sister is so
>>>> impatient and always just insists that I take her elbow.  I live in
>>>> Virginia.  There is no public transportation where I live, and I am
>>>> concerned that always being around sighted people with this attitude
>>>> will eventually cause me to lose my skills.  This Email is focusing
>>>> on the situation with Jon only because I am concerned about our
>>>> future.  We are definitely working towards marriage and children and
>>>> all that and I don't want to feel like I am completely dependent on
>>>> my husband and can't equally contribute when we take any future
>>>> children out in public.  We have already agreed that we will live in
>>>> an area with good public transportation so I won't feel dependent and
>>>> can do things
>>>> on my own, but again what about when we are together?   Do I have to
>>>> sacrifice my independence to make it easier on him?
>>>>
>>>> Any incite would be greatly appreciated!!
>>>> Jessica
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Judd
>>>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 2:31 AM
>>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>>>
>>>> I tried accessing the facebook lite site, and it worked.
>>>> http://lite.facebook.com
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: "Bonnie Lucas" <lucas.bonnie at gmail.com>
>>>> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Thursday, February 10, 2011 12:47 AM
>>>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Not sure what has happened but we discovered the same thing today as
>> well.
>>>> Perhaps it is something that will be fixed soon. My daughter and I
>>>> tried everything to get it to let us click on things but it would
>>>> not. Not sure what's up!
>>>> Bonnie
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of humberto
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, February 09, 2011 7:35 PM
>>>> To: gui-talk at nfbnet.org; nfbcs at nfbnet.org
>>>> Cc: blindTlk at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>>>
>>>> ---- Original Message ------
>>>> From: Michelle Abadia <michelle.abadia at verizon.net
>>>> Subject: [PM] Facebook with jaws
>>>> Date sent: Wed, 09 Feb 2011 06:40:45 -0500
>>>>
>>>> Hi.
>>>>
>>>> I apologize for the unrelated topic.
>>>> I've been using Facebook successfully on my windows 7 laptop, using
>>>> (www.m.facebook.com), which I think our litt moderator suggested
>>>> because (www.facebook.com) wasn't very accessible with jaws.
>>>> This morning, I come to find that now, m.facebook.com isn't
>>>> accessible either! Everything is preceeded by "same page link", and
>>>> when I click on something or try to write a message, the system won't
>>>> let me. This happened overnight, because I was able to work on
>>>> Facebook just 24 hours ago.
>>>>
>>>> Could someone please give me some assistance with this off list at
>>>> Michelle.abadia at verizon.net ?
>>>>
>>>> Thanks so much in advance.
>>>>
>>>> Michelle Abadia
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>>>
>>>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> I'm trying to understand the choices you made as a young man, Dad. I'm
>> trying and failing and in agony because I must go back to a home that is
>> not
>> my home.
>> San Antonio:
>> I love you and I miss you already and I haven't even left yet.
>>
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-- 
I'm trying to understand the choices you made as a young man, Dad. I'm
trying and failing and in agony because I must go back to a home that
is not my home.
San Antonio:
I love you and I miss you already and I haven't even left yet.