[Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence

Wed Mar 2 06:18:10 UTC 2011

I had a doctor tell me and my husband that he didn't know how to talk to me
because of my blindness. He also told us that he would talk with the two of
us instead of me. This happened after I told him that his receptionist was
very rood after I signed in for my appointment.. Needless to say, I changed
doctors and glad that I did.

Gloria Whipple
Corresponding Secretary
Inland Empire chapter
nfb of WA

cell: 509-475-4993

-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Chasity Jackson
Sent: Tuesday, March 01, 2011 9:59 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence

Diane,

Loved your story about your experiences. I definitely agree with you that a 
lot is about the messages people receive and the idea from people that more 
vision equals more capability. I saw this implied just a  couple weeks ago, 
in fact. I accompanied a close friend / house mate  to an appointment to be 
evaluated by a general surgeon. He was going to have a herniotomy - a 
surgery to repair a hernia. Before we went back to the room where he would 
be seen, the receptionist informed us that our appointment would likely be 
about ten minutes, as most of the surgeon's appointments were usually that 
long for an evaluation before a surgery.

Once the surgeon stepped in and introduced himself, it puzzled me why he was

taking two or three minutes out of a ten minute appointment to ask me 
questions about how far I could see and how well I could see. He asked 
question after question: Can you see across the room? What color shirt do I 
have on? Can you see the shape of my face? Can you see shadows or more than 
that? etc. Finally, I politely asked him what was the point of his 
questions, was it curiosity or some kind of concern. I told him if it was 
simply curiosity, I would be glad to answer questions after the appointment.

He replied, "No, it's just curiosity. I could tell by the way that you 
confidently moved and walked that you must see some, but I am just trying to

figure out how much you can see, because I don't understand, between the two

of you, who is helping who today?" I replied that no one was necessarily 
helping anyone. LOL. I said that like any other two people who might come to

an appointment together, I was just there to be there with a friend, nothing

more than that. That seemed to be a satisfactory answer, at least enough to 
stop his questions and lead him in the direction he should have been going, 
which was to do the evaluation before the surgery.

Not to stereotype, but I see that a lot with people in the medical field 
actually. When I have my 3-month check ups at my allergy appointments, often

a fellow which is a student studying under the allergist who sees his 
patients before he does, a fellow might ask me a lot of indirect questions 
about my degree of vision, rather than directly asking me the question they 
really want to know, can you make it across the room or here or there, etc.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Graves, Diane" <dgraves at icrc.IN.gov>
To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, March 01, 2011 3:44 PM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence

> Kelby,
>
> I agree with you.  There are many outside the federation who have positive

> federation-like attitudes, and are born to parents who have the drive and 
> the know-how to give a child what they need from a young age. The 
> federation isn't a guarantee. In fact, I was going to say earlier, and 
> then decided against it, that the attendance at an NFB training center 
> doesn't necessarily guarantee confidence. The program will certainly do 
> its utmost to be sure that the student has every possible skill and 
> opportunity to build that confidence, but the confidence and security has 
> to come from within.
>
> Now, getting back to the first point. I was raised in a time and place 
> where students weren't given white canes until we were teenagers. As I'm 
> sure you know, this is a time when there are all kinds of uncertainties 
> and insecurities going on for many kids whether blind or sighted. By the 
> time I reached my teens, I had already received messages, in many subtle 
> ways that vision spelled hierarchy. The more vision you had, the more 
> capable you were. I saw kids who should have been reading Braille be 
> forced to read print because of their miniscule amount of residual vision.

> Why? Because if you had any vision at all, then that was the way to go. By

> the time they tried to put a cane in my hand, I wanted nothing to do with 
> it. It wasn't that I needed to feel egotistical about the fact that I was 
> blind, I was ashamed of the fact. I felt inferior because of the messages 
> I had received. That insecurity followed me well into my adulthood, and I 
> still fight it sometimes.
>
> If you had parents who knew how and when it was appropriate to advocate, 
> and you got the reinforcement you needed as a child, then I say good for 
> you. That is great. But many of us did not, and I had never heard of such 
> forward thinking before coming involved in the federation. No, it isn't a 
> guarantee, but it has brought me, and many of us a long, long way.
>
> Diane Graves
> Civil Rights Specialist
> Indiana Civil Rights Commission
> Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
> 317-232-2647
>
> "It is service that measures success."
> George Washington Carver
>
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> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
> Behalf Of Kelby Carlson
> Sent: Tuesday, March 01, 2011 4:05 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence
>
> i'd like to add a caveat, and I hope this doesn't come across as
> harsh.  I was born blind and raised with a cane and braille since
> I was very small.  I was not taught these things because I needed
> to be "proud" or anything of that nature.  I was taught these
> things from a young age for the simple reason that they are what
> is required for blind people to function normally in society.
> Furthermore, I was not raised in the Federation, but among a
> family who was determined to see me succeed just the same as
> anyone else.  The Federation is a wonderful organization for many
> people--I myself, though not a member as of yet, may join it
> sometime in the future.  But being raised outside the Federation
> neither guarantees nor disallows that one will be confident and
> successful.
>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>>From: "Graves, Diane" <dgraves at icrc.IN.gov
>>To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>Date sent: Tue, 01 Mar 2011 08:59:26 -0600 (CST)
>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence
>
>>Julie,
>
>>This is so beautifully stated, and so very true.  The really sad
> thing for many of us who didn't always get positive reinforcement
> as children, is that it is much, much harder to acquire as an
> adult.  This is why it is so important to get a cane into the
> hand of a three-year-old, or get them reading Braille as soon as
> possible.  We need to instill in them the knowledge that they
> need to be proud of who they are and not take a backseat to
> anyone.  The more confidence they have as a child, the stronger
> that confidence will be in adulthood.  Those of us who didn't get
> that really have to work hard to acquire and maintain it.  I only
> wish I had half of the confidence that I see in the children who
> grow up in the federation.
>
>>I probably better clarify.  I travel with a cane daily and am
> employed in the mainstream as most of you know.  I manage a home,
> and have a family.  But, as Julie said, confidence is an inner
> feeling.  I fight for and advocate equality, and hold fast to the
> NFB philosophy.  But do I always feel secure and equal? Do I
> always have that sense of inner confidence.  No, and there is
> nothing that can give me that.  I have to develop it on my own.
>
>>Diane Graves
>>Civil Rights Specialist
>>Indiana Civil Rights Commission
>>Alternative Dispute Resolutions Unit
>>317-232-2647
>
>>"It is service that measures success."
>>George Washington Carver
>
>>Confidentiality Notice: This E-mail transmission may contain
> confidential and/or legally privileged information intended only
> for the individual or entity(ies)
>>named in the E-mail address.  If you are not the intended
> recipient, be advised that any unauthorized disclosure, copying,
> distribution, or acting in reliance
>>upon the contents of this E-mail is strictly prohibited.  If you
> have received this E-mail transmission in error, please reply to
> sender to arrange for the return and proper delivery of the
> transmission.  Subsequently, delete the message from your system
> immediately.
>
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org
> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Julie J
>>Sent: Tuesday, March 01, 2011 9:03 AM
>>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>Subject: [Blindtlk] the meaning of confidence
>
>>I've noticed that often we toss out the word "confidence" in our
> discussions, but I often wonder what exactly is "confidence"?
>
>>I've read promotional material for guide dog schools that tell
> you if you get a guide dog you'll increase your confidence and
> independence.  I've seen claims that if you have good blindness
> skills, you'll be confident.  Jeeze, I've even seen deodorant
> commercials claiming increased confidence if you use their
> product.  *smile*
>
>>But if it was that easy wouldn't we all be confident people?  We
> aren't and even those who claim a strong level of confidence
> still have moments of insecurity.  What then is confidence and
> where does it come from?
>
>>I would assert that confidence comes from within.  It isn't based
> on a cane or a dog or a certain number of skills attained.  I
> believe it is an attitude, an inner knowing.  It is being
> comfortable in your own skin.   I don't think there is anything
> or anyone that can give us confidence.  I believe that it is
> something we must claim for ourselves.
>
>>Certainly there are extrinsic circumstances that assist us on the
> road to claiming confidence for ourselves, like good cane skills
> or a guide dog, but I do not believe that those things *give* us
> anything, except for perhaps the opportunity for self discovery.
>
>>Thoughts?
>>Julie
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