[Blindtlk] blind people being loners

Mon Jan 28 21:30:42 UTC 2013

Hi Garry and Judy
Sorry, I only joined this list today, but when I saw this thread I
really felt like writing to give my thoughts on this. By the way, as
an intro, I am Ari, and I'm a totally blind student from South Africa.
I look forward chatting about being blind, problems, issues and
successes with you all.
Why I am writing is to totally agree with Judy. It is interesting how
even if one lives in a smallish town where walking is possible, most
people will go in their cars even if they are just driving down 3 or 4
streets. Unfortunately here we have a huge car culture, but that is
also because for the most part in many areas public transport is
non-existent.
What I find interesting is you and Garry's stories, because whenever I
picture America, I really never dreamed that places without transport
could exist. When I finish studying I definitely want to move to a
larger city or to another country where I can learn how to use public
transport, improve my life skills and travel more independently.
Having said that, many blind people here who actually do live in
cities here and have some access to public transport often feel quite
scared and vulnerable because things have just become quite unsafe and
many people don't obey road rules etc. My friend once remarked to me
that a few years ago he used to walk to work as if it was the most
natural thing in the world, whereas now everyday when he walks to work
it makes him so tense and stressed, like the act of just getting to
and from work each day feels like this great achievement.
I also think that it is unfortunately very easy for many blind people
to fall into the trap of loneliness. I know many people here who are
incredibly lonely, including myself to a certain extent, and I put it
down to two things:
 1. Blind people here are not mainstreamed, so they leave their
communities from when they are young and stay at a blind school. They
then don't really get to know people their own age in the community
where they actually live, so when they leave school and come back to
their own communities they have to try get involved in activities or
find strategies to get to know people.
2. This one is especially my problem. My mom drives me to uni which is
about an hour there and back each day. I've met and managed to make
quite good friends, but because they live so far from me, it is
difficult for me to socialise with them outside of uni, especially in
a country where the car is king.
My best advice I can give to people who really feel like loners is
basically, even if you live in a small town, try join something like a
group or a church or something. I know many people for example who are
not even really religious but they go to church in their towns to meet
people, but it doesn't have to be a church, as long as you can somehow
find a group activity you can participate in. And in some ways, maybe
the smaller the town actually the better it is because like Judy said,
the community all sort of gets to know one another.
Ari
On 1/28/13, Gary Wunder <gwunder at earthlink.net> wrote:
> Hi, Mark. If you have cabs and a bus, you have more than I had in Cleveland
> Missouri. In my town there was no industry, no office jobs--it was very
> much
> a bedroom community, and jobs would have been 30 to 45 minutes away at
> best.
>
> Warmly,
>
> Gary
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mark
> Tardif
> Sent: Saturday, January 26, 2013 2:28 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>
> My experience seems to be more like your experience, Judy.  I sometimes
> think I should have moved to the big city to maintain independence with
> issues like transportation and shopping.  But when our company in Florida
> went out of business last summer, and given serious life and death
> questions
> about my father's health last year, I determined that I would move closer
> to
> family so I could at least spend more time with my parents and siblings.
> As
> a result I live in a very small town, and legend has it that there are only
> two seasons here, winter and the Fourth of July.  The winter here is indeed
> quite fierce, and transportation options are  limited.  But there are cabs
> and there is a door-to door bus that takes people to one of the larger
> towns
> and to Walmart.  We also have a well-stocked general store here which also
> serves as an inexpensive restaurant with good homemade food, and the people
> kind of get to know you and can't do enough for you regarding
> transportation
> once they do know you.  Here, also, people do ride together a lot, whether
> it involves shopping, going to church, whatever.  I also happen to be
> fortunate enough to have a neighbor who was a cab driver and even though he
> is retired now, he and his wife still carry on their own little ride
> business for people in our building.  It's really quite nice, but having
> said this, I have lived in large cities with good bus transportation,
> especially Cleveland, Ohio, and sometimes I wonder if I have sacrificed
> flexibility and independence by no longer living in that kind of
> environment.
>
> Mark Tardif
> Nuclear arms will not hold you.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Judy Jones
> Sent: Saturday, January 26, 2013 12:11 AM
> To: gwunder at earthlink.net ; Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>
> My small town experience years ago was quite different.  I taught school in
> a town of 300, and was the only blind person in the community.  However,
> everyone did the ride-sharing thing, whether it was for getting hair done
> or
> buying groceries.  What really amazed me was that, in such a small town,
> everyone drove everywhere, even if only the five or so blocks across town.
> We had a well-stocked general store, but the super market was 12 miles
> away,
> as was any kind of shopping or commerce.
>
> Now I'm living in a town of about 42 thousand, with limited transportation,
> but, for the size of the town, it works out fine.  An interesting fact.
> The
> bus system here is for everyone, disabled or not, and is door-to-door, and
> has been that way for several years.  Five to ten miles one way will take
> you across town.
>
> Judy
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Gary Wunder" <gwunder at earthlink.net>
> To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 4:00 PM
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>
>
>> Hello, Steve.  As usual you have written a wonderful response which
>> reflects
>> a great deal of thoughtfulness and life experience.  I don't find myself
>> disagreeing with anything you say.  As much is anything I think I would
>> like
>> to see RJ say what he believes and the problems he may be having rather
>> than
>> assuming that blindness is the reason for being lonely or alone or
>> whatever
>> he meant.
>>
>> I think that very often blindness in and of itself doesn't cause a
>> problem
>> but that often it can exacerbate problems that are all too common.  I
>> think
>> it is more difficult to live as an impoverished blind person than it is
>> an
>> impoverished sighted person.  I think it is harder to find good
>> counseling
>> if one is depressed and blind than if she is simply depressed.
>> Transportation certainly does isolate us, and I think that where one
>> chooses
>> to live must be significantly influenced by blindness if one is not to
>> find
>> him or herself at the mercy of family and friends.
>>
>> I grew up in a town that had 216 people living in it when I was there.
>> It
>> still has less than 1000.  When I go home to visit, it doesn't take long
>> for
>> me to realize how few options I have in going where I want to go and in
>> going when I say I want to go.  I need a town with some transportation
>> infrastructure.  I need enough money to be able to use that
>> transportation.
>>
>>
>> I can't tell you how many people call here who struggle with not being
>> able
>> to get an education or find a job, but they will not consider moving
>> because
>> most of the people they know live in their little town, or they already
>> have
>> equity in their house, or they would find learning a new area too much of
>>
>> a
>> challenge.  It is hard to know how to help them.
>>
>> People who have significant medical needs are best served when they lived
>> near a major hospital. This is a physical reality that won't change just
>> because someone says it isn't fair that where one lives can determine the
>> timeliness and effectiveness of the care they can reasonably access. I
>> think
>> the same may be true of being blind. One can live wherever he or she
>> wants,
>> but there are consequences in deciding to live or stay in a small town. I
>> experience some sadness when I go home and realize the visit is over and
>> I
>> live three hours from my family, but I also know that I couldn't live
>> independently in that small farming community where every trip to get
>> groceries, go to the hardware store, or visit the bank is determined by
>> the
>> schedule of another.
>>
>>
>> Gary
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Steve
>> Jacobson
>> Sent: Friday, January 25, 2013 11:00 AM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>
>> My guess is that he probably had something in mind when he asked this
>> question.  While I don't think all blind persons are loners, I definitely
>> think that there are definite barriers to become a part of a group of
>> sighted persons.  In my case, some of the barriers may well be of my own
>> making, I won't claim otherwise, but not all of them.  I also think that
>> blind kids are often forced to find their own way of entertaining
>> themselves
>> unless they are particularly lucky.  There are many variables involved in
>> looking at what makes each of us what we are, and there are many dangers
>> in
>> drawing conclusions based upon one characteristic, but I think it is
>> wrong
>> to deny that blindness can sometimes isolate one even if one is not
>> naturally a loner.  Transportation can by itself be a key factor in being
>> isolated.  While I don't think it makes sense that being isolated is
>> something that should be denied or swept under the rug, I also don't feel
>> one should just sit around being isolated and feeling sorry for oneself.
>> There are things that one can do about it.  Also, realizing that it
>> simply
>> happens sometimes and not getting all bent out of shape about it helps.
>> Finally, I believe strongly that being comfortable with other blind
>> people
>> is not a bad thing.  I am not saying that one needs to stick to
>> socializing
>> with blind people and forget about those who are sighted, but neither
>> should
>> one feel that getting support from others who share one's characteristic
>> is
>> a bad thing.
>>
>> Best regards,
>>
>> Steve Jacobson
>>
>> On Fri, 25 Jan 2013 01:03:15 -0600, Chasity Jackson wrote:
>>
>>>I do not agree with this either.
>>>----- Original Message -----
>>>From: "Gary Wunder" <gwunder at earthlink.net>
>>>To: "'Blind Talk Mailing List'" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>>Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2013 4:00 PM
>>>Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>
>>
>>>> Hi, RJ. I do not. Do you?
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of RJ
>>>> Sandefur
>>>> Sent: Thursday, January 24, 2013 3:48 PM
>>>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>>>> Subject: [Blindtlk] blind people being loners
>>>>
>>>> Why do you think a lot of blind people are loners? In other words
>>>> isolated?
>>>> RJ _______________________________________________
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