[Blindtlk] relationships was Hobbies?

Sat Mar 30 15:52:05 UTC 2013

Peter,

I don't know.  It doesn't sound healthy to me, but if it's working for you 
then that is your business.

How my husband and I do things here is that most everything has a place or a 
reasonable number of possible places where stuff goes.  Take the food for 
example, I can reasonably expect to find the ketchup in the refrigerator, 
however there is no absolute specific place in there for it.  So I look in 
the door first, then way back on the middle shelves.  If I can't find it 
there I'll check in the cabinet for an unopened bottle.  If it's no where 
then I will ask the other family members if they finished the last bottle 
and we forgot to buy more.  Ketchup is just an example.  For the most part 
this is how it works around here.

If someone moves the stuff belonging to another person the move is 
communicated.  My son picked up my shoes from the living room and put them 
away for me this morning.  Yesterday I moved his backpack.  If anyone has 
left a crazy large amount of their stuff lying around, I ask that person to 
get it cleaned up or ask where the stuff goes and put it there myself.

My family does not tell me what I can or can't do.  If I am talking about 
doing something particularly dense they will kindly point out the possible 
problems with my plan.  For example, my garden.  My husband is a farmer, so 
he knows about growing things.  So when I have these grand garden plans and 
he says that there might not be enough sun in that spot or that the soil 
will not drain properly, I have learned to listen to him.   However if I 
really wanted my garden in the shady poor soil place, he wouldn't stop me.

We both go and do our separate things each day.  Generally we review the 
days schedule the night before or early in the morning before he sets out. 
He does his thing and I do mine.  If we are doing something together we try 
to plan that so neither of us has to reschedule our individual plans.

If my plans will affect his plans then I ask very nicely if he will be able 
to help or alter his schedule or whatever I need, with the understanding 
that he isn't obligated.  For example in two weeks I have a three day 
conference out of town.  I will take my guide dog but my older dog will be 
staying here.  I asked if he and my teen age son could work out between them 
the care and feeding of the dog.  He is a farmer and planting is coming up 
shortly, if he wasn't able to help with the dog care, I would have made 
arrangements for her to go to the dog sitter lady's house.  I appreciate his 
flexibility and willingness to help, but I recognize that he has other 
obligations.

Sometimes he will recognize a situation that may be difficult for me because 
of my blindness and offer his help.  The thing that comes to mind is when it 
is super windy.  I'm talking about 40 mph and over winds.  I have a lot of 
trouble hearing traffic well enough to cross some streets.  He will offer to 
drive me.  I'm sure it brings him peace of mind knowing I'm safe, but if I 
refused his help he wouldn't forbid me to leave the house or cross those 
streets.

It's just what works for us.  Other people do things differently.  As long 
as everyone involved is satisfied with the arrangements, then that's all 
that matters.

Julie

-----Original Message----- 
From: Peter Wolfe
Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2013 9:35 AM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Hobbies?

Julie,

    Whas your experience been with the talking meat therometer? I
bought one but wasn't allowed to use it to cook with. I really miss
cooking for six years that my life has been like denied rights of
cooking just cold meals is all I'm allowed to do like simple salads,
sandwiches, tuna and peanut butter crap. I like cooking cause it
allows me to be the little helper who I like to be in the house just
can't in this realtionship.

    I have a question in inner personal relationships for everyone to
consider on my situation. What would you say after numerous attempts
of trying to find something that has been moved everywhere that your
partner says "As soon as we move to somewhere new so that everything
isn't moved all the time then you can be more independent". This has
happened to me for four going on five years of relentless controls on
everything even my messages and riffling through my laptop. I don't
seem to have any privacy, however, age might play a role cause they
are twice as old as me. Nobody should be treating someone like an
animal like arguing to go to stores or insisting maybe pleading to
attend me wherever I go on paratransit. I'm just so tired of all this
and have no where to go from here with numerous other medical
obligations like dental and savings to do that I can't afford yet to
move. By the way, this is all because I cheated on her with a man like
a year and a half ago and she thinks that I'm mentally ill for being
gay. Tired just tired of her damn nephew saying gay jokes about me
just ridicule doesn't put its right name on it just horrible.

sad,
Peter

On 3/30/13, Julie J. <julielj at neb.rr.com> wrote:
> Peter,
>
> I cook on the stovetop nearly daily.   I prefer to bake, but I think 
> that's
>
> because I enjoy cookies and cakes more than meat and vegetables! 
> Seriously
>
> though, I haven't found cooking particularly difficult as a blind person.
> Most things I determine doneness by their texture or smell.  Meat smells
> different when it's browned.  I cook vegetables until they feel soft, but
> not soggy, when poked with the wooden spoon.  Same thing with pasta,
> although I usually eat a noodle to double check.  I really don't like
> underdone pasta.
>
> To drain noodles I place the strainer in the sink in a corner so it won't
> slide around.  then I slowly pour into the strainer.  My husband, who is
> sighted, prefers to use the type of strainer spatula thingy that you hold
> against the edge of the pan and pour through.  I don't have enough hand
> strength to do it this way because you have to be able to hold the pan 
> with
>
> only one hand.  the other is holding the spatula strainer.
>
> I've been buying hamburger directly from the butcher for several years 
> now.
>
> The meat is very lean and rarely is there enough fat that it needs to be
> drained.  However in the days of grocery store hamburger, I would use 
> paper
>
> towels to absorb the excess fat.  There are lots of ways to remove the 
> extra
>
> fat.  the paper towels are just what I find easiest.
>
> For flipping I generally use a standard spatula.  although if I anticipate
> that the contents of the pan might splatter or the grease might pop a lot, 
> I
>
> prefer to use tongs.  They give me more control and a firm grip on the 
> piece
>
> of meat.  For flipping things like eggs or pancakes, the trick is to flip
> fast.
>
> We are just moving into spring and our meals will get lighter with more
> fresh ingredients.  For most of the winter we eat things like: beef stew,
> pot roast, chili, chicken and dumplings, spaghetti and variations on 
> these.
>
> In the summer we'll eat a lot more grilled meats and sautéed vegetables.
>
> I have grilled numerous times independently.  It really isn't that much
> different from stovetop cooking.  Getting your heat source going is
> different, of course, but the actual cooking isn't all that different. 
> Then
>
> again I learned to cook on a gas stove, so maybe grilling doesn't bother 
> me
>
> because I'm comfortable with the open flame. I'd suggest starting with
> steak, pork chops or bigger pieces of chicken.  Decent sizes of meat that
> won't roll and won't fall down inside your grill are easiest.  If you 
> grill
>
> vegetables, try putting them in foil or using a grill basket.
>
> I think if I get my garden bed preparation done, I'm going to make a 
> carrot
>
> cake this afternoon.  I'm thinking we'll have Shepherd's Pie for supper to
> use up a lot of the vegetables in the refrigerator. And I agree with you
> cooking and cleaning are basic life skills everyone should know regardless
> of gender roles.  My son actually wants to be a restaurant owner.  He's
> turning out to be a very good cook.  When I met my husband he only knew 
> how
>
> to grill and make frozen pizza.  It's been 9 years, but he does have 
> enough
>
> skill in the kitchen now that he would be okay if something happened to 
> me.
>
> We had to find that out the hard way when I broke my foot.  Microwave
> dinners are not nearly as tasty as the commercials lead one to believe!
>
> It concerns me when you say that your partner won't let you cook or clean
> and that your yoga pants were taken away.  I don't know your situation and
> I'm not trying to be judgmental in any way.  I'm saying this to you 
> because
>
> I value you as a person.  the kind of control you are describing seems
> abusive to me.   Please take care of yourself.  There are organizations 
> that
>
> can help.  Please reach out and let people help you.
>
> Julie
>
>
>
>
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-- 
Cordially,
Peter Q Wolfe, BA
cum laude Auburn University
e-mail: yogabare13 at gmail.com
"If you don't stand up for something your willing to fall for anything"
Peter Q Wolfe
"Stand up for your rights"
Bob Marley

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