[Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

Mon Sep 9 09:48:37 UTC 2013

Think of it as having to find quality over quantity.  Just go to cultural
events and activity groups where the theme is something you both have in
common, and then it will work.  Remember, quality over quantity. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jason
Terryn
Sent: Sunday, September 08, 2013 11:42 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness

Hello Everyone,

Thanks for all the helpful advice, critiques, and comisseration.

Bernadetta, you have a point: I know of several blind girls who deliberately
wanted to date sighted guys because it's more convenient for them. They
wanted someone who could drive, for one thing. I think that can be an issue
with sighted women too.

Mark, your description of your experiences dating in college sounds right
about like my current dating life. I do have a tendency to screw everything
up by overthinking. I hope I do grow more confident with age. I've tried
very hard to portray myself as a well-rounded and competent person who just
happens to be blind. However, I am naturally more introverted and sometimes
I feel like being blind puts more pressure on me to be extra-confident and
bold, despite the fact that charisma has never been my strongest point. But
that is an area I could use some improvement.

Justin and Judy, thanks for the good reminder. I do believe God has the best
plan for me and I guess I just need to trust him with it.

So it seems like the consensus is: we have it harder in the dating arena
than the average sighted person, but it's not a hopeless situation and I
should toughen up and keep plodding on with the realization that I may
experience more rejections than most sighted people before I meet the right
person. I really appreciate all the suggestions and encouragement. I guess I
should probably branch out a little in my search for the right woman. Up
till now I've primarily been looking at church and similar events. I'm
currently looking into some online dating sites and may end up giving one or
two a try.

Thanks everyone!

Jason

On Sun, Sep 8, 2013 at 9:52 PM, Judy Jones <jtj1 at cableone.net> wrote:

> Hi, Jason,
>
> I believe it's a matter of the right person coming along, sighted or
blind.
>
> I remember back in the day, I asked God for a husband, but also said 
> that if it wasn't in His plans for me to marry, to change the desire 
> of my heart. Well . . . a year later, along came the man who has been 
> my husband now for 33 years.  We were married in our late twenties.
>
> I'm a firm believer thatGod can bring that person who, when they meet 
> you, can't imagine life without you, but it has to be His timing and in
His way.
>
> When my husband, Chris, called me the year after I started praying, I 
> didn't remember him, he said he had known me and our family when we 
> were stationed overseas together with military families.  And the 
> relationship went from there.
>
> Just saying that it can be exciting to imagine what vehicle God will 
> use to bring someone special into your life.  And when He does, you 
> will be glad of the wait, even though it seems very frustrating now.
>
> Judy
>
>
> -----Original Message----- From: Jason Terryn
> Sent: Saturday, September 7, 2013 8:32 PM
>
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>
> Hello,
>
> Thanks so much for the input, everyone. A couple things.
>
> Mike, it might be true that I'm not entirely comfortable with myself 
> as a blind person yet. It's true I haven't been blind all my life, 
> though surely long enough to be comfortable and confident in my own skin,
I'd hoped.
> However, the reason I mention it so many times in my email was because 
> my questions specifically pertained to that. I've definitely looked 
> into other aspects of my life and personality that might be 
> off-putting to women at other times.
>
> From my own experiences I'd tend to agree with those who said that 
> sighted people who accept us are few and far between. The overwhelming 
> majority of people I meet feel awkward around a blind person. It's 
> probably only that they've never or rarely interacted with blind 
> people or the ones they have haven't been stellar examples. I just 
> wish more of them would allow themselves the opportunity to be reeducated.
>
> I think a lot of girls have such an instinct to be "politically correct"
> that they feel like they can't cite blindness as a reason for 
> rejection. So a lot of times I never even have the opportunity to 
> address their concerns about it. I try my best to present myself as 
> confident, self-sufficient, and as a provider rather than someone to 
> be cared for, but all these things take time to establish which no one
seems interested in giving me.
>
> Arielle and Bob, thanks a lot for the detailed advice. And 
> congratulations, Arielle! It's encouraging to hear of other people who 
> have come up against the same hurdles, persevered, and are now happily in
a relationship.
>
> It's true that I've only pursued and dated sighted women. I haven't 
> tried the online route and so I've been limited to my own community of 
> which I'm the only blind person. I think you're right that dating 
> blind women could provide good practice and help me build confidence. 
> To be honest, I've felt a little trepidation in trying to meet women 
> online but it might be helpful to give it a try. Also, if I did try 
> that, do you think its  fair ot to disclose the fact that I'm blind? 
> It's true that keeping back that information might give me a chance to  
> display my other qualities without being automatically ruled out, but 
> I'm also afraid that it would make it only that much more hurtful if I 
> still ultimately ended up rejected. I may give eharmony or a Christian
dating site a chance, though.
>
> Thanks again for all the useful advice!
>
> Jason
>
>
> On Sat, Sep 7, 2013 at 4:43 PM, Mike Freeman <k7uij at panix.com> wrote:
>
>  You're giving up too soon.
>>
>> Mike
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blindtlk 
>> [mailto:blindtlk-bounces@**nfbnet.org<blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org>]
>> On Behalf Of Jason
>> Terryn
>> Sent: Saturday, September 07, 2013 1:22 PM
>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Subject: [Blindtlk] Blindness and Singleness
>>
>> Hello everyone,
>>
>> I am desperately in need of some advice. I am a totally blind 
>> Christian man in my early twenties and I am single. It's been my 
>> experience that it's extremely difficult for me to get dates. The few 
>> girls who do go out with me never turn out to be serious about me. 
>> After several years of being summarily rejected time without number 
>> and spending countless exhausting hours overthinking my approach, I'm 
>> beginning to wonder if it is actually something I'm doing (should I 
>> change my approach) or if its just a fact of being blind and I need 
>> to accept it gracefully.
>>
>> Has anyone else had this experience. I'm honestly unsure if I'm being 
>> rejected because I am blind, or because there is something 
>> undesirable about me. Could it be that blindness isa dealbreaker for most
girls?
>>
>> I feel like, despite my blindness I have a lot to offer. I am steady, 
>> reliable, I have a job, I am tall and physically fit, I have a lot of 
>> different skills and interests. On the whole, I feel that I'm a 
>> fairly well-rounded individual and reasonably well-intergrated in 
>> society. Also it's not like I'm trying to get the most beautiful or 
>> desirable girls out there. I just want ONE nice, pleasant girl who 
>> will like and accept me that I can spend time with, and ultimately 
>> someone to marry. I don't feel like thats asking too much.
>>
>> so if it is my blindness that is scaring girls off is there anything 
>> at all that I could do to offset this reaction? Could it be that I'm 
>> not presenting myself as confident enough or that they have some 
>> false stereotypes in their mind that I need to overcome? Am I just 
>> giving up too soon or is this really an almost hopeless situation?
>>
>> This has all been extremely frustrating to me. Any advice would be 
>> greatly appreciated.
>>
>> Thanks!
>>
>> Jason
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