[Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

Wed Oct 1 02:26:37 UTC 2014

Understood.

Judy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Brandon A. Olivares via blindtlk
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2014 7:23 PM
To: Cindy Ray ; Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

Indeed some odd stories. But as Cindy says, I think it is based on 
blindness. There’s a lot of history I haven’t mentioned. It wasn’t until I 
was in college that I really learned how to start being independent, and 
still it took meeting my now wife to get a lot better at it. My mother just 
preferred to do everything for me. Sure I have some responsibility in that, 
but the point is that there was always some codling going on.

On Sep 30, 2014, at 8:48 PM, Cindy Ray via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> 
wrote:

> That is truly bizarre. However, I suspect that Brandon's situation was 
> more based on blindness though, of course, there is no real way to prove 
> that, especially since Brandon is an only child I think.
> Cindy
>
> On Sep 30, 2014, at 7:16 PM, Judy Jones via blindtlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> 
> wrote:
>
>> So true.  This seems to be more about parents and their relationships 
>> with their adult children.
>>
>> I'm about to mention incidents with sighted children and parents.
>>
>> We actually know a couple here in the area, three wonderful sons.  The 
>> middle one finally got married this past summer, and has left the nest. 
>> But the other two range from mid-twenties to mid-thirties.  For whatever 
>> reason, they manage seemingly to stay under their parents' thumb.  Both 
>> are still living at home, although would like to get out and have a place 
>> of their own.  Both are working.  Money is not a problem for the parents, 
>> but they have burdened the nice loving guys with their care and 
>> responsibilities, and trying to run their lives.
>>
>> The parents themselves are, believe it or not, nice to be around and 
>> relate to.  It's just the relationship with their sons that is so 
>> different.  The guys are very hesitant to strike out on their own.  When 
>> the middle one got married, there were all kinds of reprocussions with 
>> the parents, but fortunately, he and his wife are living in another town.
>>
>> The most bizarre parent/adult child relationship I've ever heard of was 
>> in listening to a Focus On The Family broadcast several years ago.  The 
>> topic of that particular show happened to be relationships.  And an 
>> extreme letter was read over the air, with permission, by an adult child 
>> who lived at home with his parents.  He stated that his parents would 
>> still spank him when they saw any difference of opinion as rebellion. 
>> Very bizarre.
>>
>> Judy
>>
>> -----Original Message----- From: Gary Wunder via blindtlk
>> Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2014 9:47 AM
>> To: 'Brandon A. Olivares' ; 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle
>>
>> Hello, Brandon. I am fifty-nine years old, and though I know that my 
>> parents
>> respect me very much, I still don't have the same kind of relationship 
>> with
>> them that I do with friends and other family members. They are parents. 
>> They
>> are used to caretaking. They are absolutely certain I need their advice. 
>> It
>> doesn't matter whether the advice has to do with a cobweb they think I 
>> don't
>> know about or how my grandson buys too much at the store and how they 
>> helped
>> me by putting some of the things from the shopping basket back on the 
>> shelf.
>>
>> I notice that I am speaking of my parents as they, although my mother 
>> died
>> about six years ago. When she came to my house it was not uncommon for 
>> her
>> to walk around with a paper towel grabbing up dog hair. It didn't even
>> matter that my father laughed at her for doing it. She was going to be
>> helpful.
>>
>> I don't know how we do it, but I think many of us figure out that
>> relationships with parents are never going to be relationships among 
>> equals.
>> My father believes that I can write far better than he can. He thinks 
>> that I
>> have people skills that are better than his. But he still thinks I am 
>> naïve
>> when it comes to matters of race, gender, politics, how to spend money, 
>> how
>> to discipline children, and what is involved in having a marriage where 
>> the
>> man is the man and the woman is the woman. Most certainly I tolerate
>> comments and behavior from my father that I would not tolerate from 
>> anyone
>> else. There are things that I let go by without arguing that I would go 
>> to
>> the mat with others about.
>>
>> None of this deals with your question about the house except to say that
>> perhaps the most kind, loving, and helpful parents can at times be high
>> maintenance. I remember what I regard as a particularly funny line from a
>> situation comedy that I saw almost 40 years ago. A young woman tells a
>> friend that she is afraid to go home and spend the night with her parents
>> because her mom is such a caretaker that the main character is afraid 
>> that
>> she would wake up in the morning to find herself in diapers. This is
>> obviously an exaggerated situation comedy that has nothing to do with
>> blindness but everything to do with parents finding it hard to regard 
>> their
>> offspring as truly independent adults.
>>
>> Warmly,
>>
>> Gary
>>
>>
>>
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>
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