[Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

[Michael Capelle]

I was not  trying to say let them baby you, but remember, as I said, you are 
her child in her eyes, and she will always try to help probably til the day 
she passes on, trust me, i had a lot of family issues, but since they have 
seen me live on my own, they realize that i can do things for myself.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Carly Mihalakis
Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2014 8:27 AM
To: Michael Capelle ; Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

Yes.  That is what I try to do, too.
   That is what At 05:18 AM 9/28/2014, you wrote:
>I have this happen a lot when my parents come up here.  What I have learned 
>to do, is pick your battle, let her maybe vacumn, or let her organize the 
>table, but have her tell you and christine where she is putting things.
>remember, you will always be her baby, and she truely is just trying to 
>help.
>
>-----Original Message----- From: Brandon A. Olivares via blindtlk
>Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2014 7:16 AM
>To: Blind Talk Mailing List
>Subject: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle
>
>Hello,
>
>My wife and I are just looking for a bit of advice on how to handle a 
>difficult situation.
>
>We're both in our mid-twenties. We live on our own in her own home town, 
>about 250 miles from my own family. By all accounts, we keep a nice house. 
>It's not perfect, but it's clean enough, as confirmed also by several of 
>her family and friends.
>
>But still, every. single. time my mother comes up to visit, she finds 
>something to complain about. The worst thing is that I think she believes 
>she is doing it out of love, but on our end it feels like she is being 
>condescending and disrespectful.
>
>I've tried before telling her before she visited to please not say anything 
>because Christine worked very hard on the house to make it nice for her. 
>But still she says or does something every time, without fail.
>
>I'll provide two examples to illustrate:
>
>The first happened a few months ago when she came up to visit. Christine 
>was out somewhere, but told me not to let my mother try to touch anything. 
>I said okay. So my mother visits, and pretty soon, she says the table is 
>cluttered and wants to clean it up. I say no, please don't. We have it 
>handled just fine. But then she starts and just says she's only putting 
>some things in the end-table drawer so the coffee table looked nicer. I 
>asked her not to, but she kept doing it. I figured it was just small things 
>here and there she was putting away, but when Christine looked later on, 
>every single item on the table was put into the drawer, messing up our 
>organization completely. It took us a while to put everything back in its 
>proper place.
>
>Case #2: It was my birthday just last week and my mother came up to visit. 
>Again I asked her not to say anything, and she said she wouldn't. She made 
>a few attempts which I successfully headed off. But then she said the 
>bedroom floor had cat hair on it and needed to be vacuumed, and asked if 
>she could do it. I said no, thanks for letting us know and we'll take care 
>of it. Well five minutes later, I hear the vacuum being turned on. 
>Apparently she told Christine behind my back she was going to do it anyway, 
>and not to tell me. Christine was a bit intimidated I think so didn't speak 
>up. But it was very hurtful that I specifically asked her not to, but she 
>did anyway.
>
>The ironic part is that before we moved out here, we stayed with her for 
>over a year, and she was never a neat-freak. Her own house was often worse 
>than ours would ever be.
>
>So we're not sure how to handle it. I didn't want to make a big fuss about 
>it last weekend because it was my birthday and I didn't want drama. But she 
>might come up for Christmas and we really don't want this to keep 
>happening. Unfortunately as said, every time we mention something, she 
>agrees, but then ends up doing it anyway. At this point we're tempted to 
>just not let her visit our house, but she'd be very hurt by that. But we 
>feel disrespected and degraded, because it seems like she thinks we don't 
>know what we're doing just because we're blind. I'm 26 and Christine is 24, 
>and we're both quite capable to handle things on our own.
>
>Sorry about the lengthy message, but any advice would be appreciated.
>
>Brandon
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