[Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

Sun Sep 28 15:00:40 UTC 2014

totally agree, i couldnt put it any better.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Judy Jones via blindtlk" <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
To: "Carly Mihalakis" <carlymih at comcast.net>; "Blind Talk Mailing List" 
<blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2014 9:52 AM
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle


> Well, I can say that moms want to be useful, still feel needed.  We may do 
> it in the wrong way sometimes, but just because she does things like that 
> may not necessarily have to do with the fact that she is sighted and you 
> guys are blind.  I am a blind mom, yet I have been guilty of straightening 
> up for my older daughter, when, in fact, I disrupted her housekeeping 
> pattern.  By the way, as you know, I am the blind mom, she the sighted 
> daughter, yet I caused the same problem.  She was very nice about it, but 
> was a good lesson for me.
>
> Remembering back, when my mom would come to visit and used our kitchen, 
> for a week afterwards, I was still trying to find stray small appliances 
> and kitchen items.  However, when I visited them, I ended up doing the 
> same thing, and we would both laugh about how we disorganized each other's 
> kitchens.
>
> It's all about parents getting used to their children's housekeeping 
> styles, adapting to them being out of the house, no matter what age, and 
> growing into the relationship with adult children.
>
> Judy
>
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Carly Mihalakis via blindtlk
> Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2014 6:46 AM
> To: Brandon A. Olivares ; Blind Talk Mailing List ; Blind Talk Mailing 
> List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle
>
> Good morning, Brandon, and everyone,
>
> Something about the sensibilities of Ol'Sighty, particularly when
> Ol'Sighty is also your parent! My boyfriend and I are also totals. My
> Mom doesn't come up so much anymore but when she did, she would do
> the same thing, moving things, "putting things away" all in the name
> of you guessed it, neatening up! One time, we have a little bowl
> containing quarters for laundry, and there is also a container of
> sundry coins. She put the quarters in with the change! I mean, do you
> really need too much of an imagination to suspect a bowl full of
> quarters maybe having some purpose for being segregated like that?
> So, Sunday morning when we got up to do our laundry and seeing that
> and having to dig through all the change in search of our quarters,
> Upon asking her about it later, however, she gave that old tired
> line, "I was just trying to help..."
> As has been said by many: Some people you just can't reach! 05:16 AM
> 9/28/2014, Brandon A. Olivares via blindtlk wrote:
>>Hello,
>>
>>My wife and I are just looking for a bit of advice on how to handle a 
>>difficult situation.
>>
>>We're both in our mid-twenties. We live on our own in her own home town, 
>>about 250 miles from my own family. By all accounts, we keep a nice house. 
>>It's not perfect, but it's clean enough, as confirmed also by several of 
>>her family and friends.
>>
>>But still, every. single. time my mother comes up to visit, she finds 
>>something to complain about. The worst thing is that I think she believes 
>>she is doing it out of love, but on our end it feels like she is being 
>>condescending and disrespectful.
>>
>>I've tried before telling her before she visited to please not say 
>>anything because Christine worked very hard on the house to make it nice 
>>for her. But still she says or does something every time, without fail.
>>
>>I'll provide two examples to illustrate:
>>
>>The first happened a few months ago when she came up to visit. Christine 
>>was out somewhere, but told me not to let my mother try to touch anything. 
>>I said okay. So my mother visits, and pretty soon, she says the table is 
>>cluttered and wants to clean it up. I say no, please don't. We have it 
>>handled just fine. But then she starts and just says she's only putting 
>>some things in the end-table drawer so the coffee table looked nicer. I 
>>asked her not to, but she kept doing it. I figured it was just small 
>>things here and there she was putting away, but when Christine looked 
>>later on, every single item on the table was put into the drawer, messing 
>>up our organization completely. It took us a while to put everything back 
>>in its proper place.
>>
>>Case #2: It was my birthday just last week and my mother came up to visit. 
>>Again I asked her not to say anything, and she said she wouldn't. She made 
>>a few attempts which I successfully headed off. But then she said the 
>>bedroom floor had cat hair on it and needed to be vacuumed, and asked if 
>>she could do it. I said no, thanks for letting us know and we'll take care 
>>of it. Well five minutes later, I hear the vacuum being turned on. 
>>Apparently she told Christine behind my back she was going to do it 
>>anyway, and not to tell me. Christine was a bit intimidated I think so 
>>didn't speak up. But it was very hurtful that I specifically asked her not 
>>to, but she did anyway.
>>
>>The ironic part is that before we moved out here, we stayed with her for 
>>over a year, and she was never a neat-freak. Her own house was often worse 
>>than ours would ever be.
>>
>>So we're not sure how to handle it. I didn't want to make a big fuss about 
>>it last weekend because it was my birthday and I didn't want drama. But 
>>she might come up for Christmas and we really don't want this to keep 
>>happening. Unfortunately as said, every time we mention something, she 
>>agrees, but then ends up doing it anyway. At this point we're tempted to 
>>just not let her visit our house, but she'd be very hurt by that. But we 
>>feel disrespected and degraded, because it seems like she thinks we don't 
>>know what we're doing just because we're blind. I'm 26 and Christine is 
>>24, and we're both quite capable to handle things on our own.
>>
>>Sorry about the lengthy message, but any advice would be appreciated.
>>
>>Brandon
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>
>
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