[Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

Mon Sep 29 18:46:41 UTC 2014

There is a difference between being respected and putting your foot down. 

Those people were taught and never got services or don't want services to
live the life they want. But the life that there family and friends want.

It is never to late to do that, many people still rely  on others, we have a
member, who is going through the same thing, his mother is ill, she babied
him, now he can wind up in a nursing home because he doesn't know how to
take care of himself and has a sister that will put him away because she
doesn't want to take care of him.

Um, we are blind and do not have other disabilities, most of us anyway. Plus
it gives us a bad look, we want to be independent, and most people see
people who want to be babied.

Again, this has nothing to do with respect. Those that can take care of
themselves and are very independent, probably go through it as well, but not
getting respect. But if falls back into our lap.

How are we projecting ourselves, and if we don't like something. OMG, then
say something. If they don't get it, then get out of there and don't talk to
them, but leave it with you being respectful.

You can be angry and respectful. Make sure you are not using 4 letter words
to get your point across

Cheryl Echevarria, Vice President
National Federation of the Blind, Greater Long Island Chapter
A proud chapter of the National Federation of the Blind of New York State
631-236-5138
cherylandmaxx at hotmail.com
"Live the Life You Want"

The National Federation of the Blind knows that blindness is not the
characteristic that defines you or your future. Every day we raise the
expectations of blind people, because low expectations create obstacles
between blind people and our dreams. You can have the life you want;
blindness is not what holds you back.

Cheryl Echevarria is also the owner of Echevarria Travel
www.echevarriatravel.com; 631-456-5394 or reservations at echevarriatravel.com
and  has partnered with Braille Smith. www.braillesmith.com for all her
braille needs.  Gail Smith is the Secretary of the NFB of Alabama

-----Original Message-----
From: blindtlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mark Tardif
via blindtlk
Sent: Monday, September 29, 2014 2:36 PM
To: Brandon A. Olivares; Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

Amen!  I suspect she may not even be conscious of how this comes across and
would be shocked if you told her you don't feel respected.  But it's
interesting and sometimes exasperating how we are always the ones who have
to walk on egg shells so we don't hurt the poor precious feelings of that
poor misunderstood sighted person who is just trying to help.  I know this
is all a part of educating the public, but this part of it, frankly, gets
exhausting and gets old after a while.

Mark Tardif
Nuclear arms will not hold you.
-----Original Message-----
From: Brandon A. Olivares via blindtlk
Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2014 9:25 AM
To: Michael Capelle
Cc: Blind Talk Mailing List
Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle

I don't see how it's being sensitive, when we're just asking for simple
respect. There comes a point where you no longer want to put up with being
babied.

On Sep 28, 2014, at 9:17 AM, Michael Capelle <michael.capelle at charter.net>
wrote:

> and she was, people can not be so sensative, be glad she is helping, 
> once she is gone, what will you do? i am always greatful for my 
> parents, and appreciate there help.
>
> -----Original Message----- From: Carly Mihalakis via blindtlk
> Sent: Sunday, September 28, 2014 7:46 AM
> To: Brandon A. Olivares ; Blind Talk Mailing List ; Blind Talk Mailing 
> List
> Subject: Re: [Blindtlk] Being Disrespected: How to Handle
>
> Good morning, Brandon, and everyone,
>
> Something about the sensibilities of Ol'Sighty, particularly when 
> Ol'Sighty is also your parent! My boyfriend and I are also totals. My 
> Mom doesn't come up so much anymore but when she did, she would do the 
> same thing, moving things, "putting things away" all in the name of 
> you guessed it, neatening up! One time, we have a little bowl 
> containing quarters for laundry, and there is also a container of 
> sundry coins. She put the quarters in with the change! I mean, do you 
> really need too much of an imagination to suspect a bowl full of 
> quarters maybe having some purpose for being segregated like that?
> So, Sunday morning when we got up to do our laundry and seeing that 
> and having to dig through all the change in search of our quarters, 
> Upon asking her about it later, however, she gave that old tired line, 
> "I was just trying to help..."
> As has been said by many: Some people you just can't reach! 05:16 AM 
> 9/28/2014, Brandon A. Olivares via blindtlk wrote:
>> Hello,
>>
>> My wife and I are just looking for a bit of advice on how to handle a 
>> difficult situation.
>>
>> We're both in our mid-twenties. We live on our own in her own home 
>> town, about 250 miles from my own family. By all accounts, we keep a 
>> nice house. It's not perfect, but it's clean enough, as confirmed 
>> also by several of her family and friends.
>>
>> But still, every. single. time my mother comes up to visit, she finds 
>> something to complain about. The worst thing is that I think she 
>> believes she is doing it out of love, but on our end it feels like 
>> she is being condescending and disrespectful.
>>
>> I've tried before telling her before she visited to please not say 
>> anything because Christine worked very hard on the house to make it 
>> nice for her. But still she says or does something every time, without
fail.
>>
>> I'll provide two examples to illustrate:
>>
>> The first happened a few months ago when she came up to visit. 
>> Christine was out somewhere, but told me not to let my mother try to 
>> touch anything. I said okay. So my mother visits, and pretty soon, 
>> she says the table is cluttered and wants to clean it up. I say no, 
>> please don't. We have it handled just fine. But then she starts and 
>> just says she's only putting some things in the end-table drawer so 
>> the coffee table looked nicer. I asked her not to, but she kept doing 
>> it. I figured it was just small things here and there she was putting 
>> away, but when Christine looked later on, every single item on the 
>> table was put into the drawer, messing up our organization 
>> completely. It took us a while to put everything back in its proper
place.
>>
>> Case #2: It was my birthday just last week and my mother came up to 
>> visit. Again I asked her not to say anything, and she said she wouldn't.
>> She made a few attempts which I successfully headed off. But then she 
>> said the bedroom floor had cat hair on it and needed to be vacuumed, 
>> and asked if she could do it. I said no, thanks for letting us know 
>> and we'll take care of it. Well five minutes later, I hear the vacuum 
>> being turned on. Apparently she told Christine behind my back she was 
>> going to do it anyway, and not to tell me. Christine was a bit 
>> intimidated I think so didn't speak up. But it was very hurtful that 
>> I specifically asked her not to, but she did anyway.
>>
>> The ironic part is that before we moved out here, we stayed with her 
>> for over a year, and she was never a neat-freak. Her own house was 
>> often worse than ours would ever be.
>>
>> So we're not sure how to handle it. I didn't want to make a big fuss 
>> about it last weekend because it was my birthday and I didn't want drama.
>> But she might come up for Christmas and we really don't want this to 
>> keep happening. Unfortunately as said, every time we mention 
>> something, she agrees, but then ends up doing it anyway. At this 
>> point we're tempted to just not let her visit our house, but she'd be 
>> very hurt by that. But we feel disrespected and degraded, because it 
>> seems like she thinks we don't know what we're doing just because 
>> we're blind. I'm 26 and Christine is 24, and we're both quite capable to
handle things on our own.
>>
>> Sorry about the lengthy message, but any advice would be appreciated.
>>
>> Brandon
>> _______________________________________________
>> blindtlk mailing list
>> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blindtlk:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/carlymih%40comc
>> ast.net
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blindtlk mailing list
> blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blindtlk:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/michael.capelle%
> 40charter.net

_______________________________________________
blindtlk mailing list
blindtlk at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blindtlk:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/markspark%40roadrunner
.com

-----
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 2013.0.3485 / Virus Database: 4031/8285 - Release Date: 09/27/14

_______________________________________________
blindtlk mailing list
blindtlk at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindtlk_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blindtlk:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindtlk_nfbnet.org/cherylandmaxx%40hotmai
l.com