[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Tue Nov 17 22:37:33 UTC 2020

Mom does all the cleaning except for vacuuming which Dad does. Dad does all the
cooking. I'm a picky eater so I don't generally eat Dad cooks. 

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 4:15 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Hi, Madison,

First of all, I'm sure we're all behind you on this list.

One thing I have seen in common from your responses on this list and others,
that when suggestions are given, they are summarily rejected.

Granted, we're not in your living situation, but you need to start thinking like
a problem-solver.  If any of our suggestions aren't working for you, then you
will have to come up with your own solutions that will work for you.

Take the problems out of the way.  You'll have to be your own problem-solver,
that is what we all have had to learn to do in order to make it in life.

you would need to persuade your folks by your actions maybe at first, if not by
your words.  Examples.  Take on more of the cooking, or cook for yourself.  Do
more of the household chores, take on more personal grooming and schedule para
to go out, or anything else you can do to show them the adult you are.  

You've basically had a two year "break" from high school, so you should
seriously look at ways of becoming more independent, and now.

Talk to a CNIB counselor, talk to Mary Ellen, I can send you her information
again if you need it, but get some support for what you are trying to do.
You are going to have to use the resources available.  If you need it, get
yourself into a center for daily living skills to equip you to be out on your
own.  You've got to do this for you.

Another thing a VR counselor can do is give you an interest test that may bring
out some surprising positive results of interests you have you didn't realize,
and can move forward with plans for your life and moving forward.

It sounds like stuck at home is getting to you, and that will not change unless
you take control of your situation yourself.  If any of us could wave a wand and
make it happen for you, I'm sure we would love to, we all want to see our blind
brothers and sisters succeed.

We're here to advise and help, but you have to do the work.

You have a golden time window, being a couple years out of high school, but the
older you get, the harder it will be to pick up the reins of your life again,
you've got to make it happen for yourself and get people behind you to support
you, and this list will support you inasmuch as a listserv can.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 1:18 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

I'm not sure they'd listen to me, or at least not Mom.

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
BlindTlk
Sent: November 16, 2020 5:36 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Another thought.

Can you sit down with your folks, and discuss your need for more independence, a
possible modest allowance, if you don't already have one?
Your need to have your own things be yours?

For about three years, our older daughter came back to the "nest," for about
five years until she got married in 2015.  

Chris was newly retired then, I was starting back to work, and Jada had her own
job.  Of course we would have provided groceries for her, had she needed that,
but she got work right away.

We would share our groceries with her, and she shared some of hers with us, but
we would check with each other before we ate.

We also would eat sometimes at different times.  Jada, of course, could use the
kitchen any time she liked anyway.

One time we were talking about this, and our relationship with her at that time
was more like housemates.

We all had our own schedules, our own errands, our own things we did, but we
also enjoyed each other's company.

When trying to explain this to our younger daughter, it was hard for her to
understand, because the last time she was living with us was as a minor.
She started fulltime work at age eighteen, had her own place, and kept that job
until she was 25.  She married at 27, and is now 30, hard to believe.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
BlindTlk
Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Hi all,
Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent. 
I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get away from
the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest issue is that her and
Mom are too much a like, so they're always at each other and she thinks that Mom
is always mad at her when she isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think
he watches and reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much
coffie and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to nag
me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already have two parents I
don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I think I should be allowed to make
my own decisions and not get told what to do. Mom also loves to be in control
all the time which is very annoying. None of us are very good at talking about
and sharing our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about
this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our
problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that
needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.  
I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla even wants
to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to move out, but
I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think that Dad and I should go
live together, but now I'm not so sure. I already told you about his issues, and
he also nags me about stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I
don't go anywhere so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the less
we shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As an
adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when it comes to
personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more like a kid then the
adult that I am and should be allowed to be. Makayla would probably just yell at
me, she wouldn't actually teach me how to do something. She quite often just
says "If you want something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She also
bugs me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really bad at
just taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys something
for themselves or for someone else (that's not her), but she just sees things
and assumes she can eat or use them, when she can't always. If she'd just ask
then chances are she could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she
doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months ago,
and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so Mom
would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she didn't ask the
first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the last few times she's made
stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would unless it's plain.
It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't really get
any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to start hiding stuff in
my room, which would be weird, if it gets to that then I think we have a real
problem on our hands. Plus she's good at noticing/finding things that Mom has
tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she says no then
I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our names on things, which
Makayla did yesterday, when she got this macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I
didn't get. If she wants her own then that's fine, but I like them too, so I
should've gotten one too. I've learned that if someone gets something for me,
whether it's a dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there
might not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at me when
we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I just wait
for her to finish washing and then I dry.
I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She thought that I
was talking about some particular time or decision that I want to make, but I
was just talking about in general. I still collect animal figurenes, and she has
this weird thing that if it's too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't
buy anything, even though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month
until either event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of the
figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless of how much
I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this particular husky, well she
didn't buy it for me because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was too
pointy, but the
2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my money,
should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, so if no
one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
Madison   

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