[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Tue Nov 17 22:57:28 UTC 2020

O that is good and is something you can plan a budget on, if you haven't
done so.

At least you can save some while you are still at home.

Maybe your folks could also help you figure out a budget of things you want
to purchase and do that costs money.  They could give you an idea of how
much housing is now, and you can find all sorts of ideas online that would
prepare you for budgeting when on your own.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:52 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

No. Yes I have my own bank account, and I get GST cheques. 

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 4:23 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

I understand.  When I was in high school, mom and dad were ready
transportation for wherever I needed to go, and that is easy to take for
granted when you are growing up.  If you are truly wanting to be thought of
as an adult, you will have to make some changes.  Start small.

An example.  Have you ever gone shopping by yourself?  I'm only asking as I
don't know how things are with you.  But you could have your folks drop you
off, then pick you up at a pre-arranged time, say, if you wanted to go
grocery shopping.  Or take para.

Another question, do you have your own money, so you can handle money?
Sorry if this sounds so basic, but these are things you will be doing on
your own, and maybe you already are.

Think of small changes you can make for yourself around the house that will
show you to be the adult you aspire to be.

Get the people support you need to make the changes you want to make.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 1:21 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

I get driven everywhere, not that I go many places. The main place I go is
to the barn where I ride, it's in the country, so a bus or paratransit
wouldn't take me there. 

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
BlindTlk
Sent: November 16, 2020 5:27 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Hi, Madison,

On a list like this that isn't specific, I don't see any problem in venting,
myself.  Of course it would be up to the list owner.

My very general answer is:  When you are out on your own, most of this will
probably square itself out, and the issues that seem so great now will solve
themselves, or be non-issues.

Now, for the specifics.  When I remember being your age, a long time ago
hahaha, I was very anxious to be on my own, not because I didn't love my
folks, but because I was ready.

I was in school in another town, so that automatically had me out taking
care of myself, buying what I wanted, managing my money.

At that time, I wasn't working, and mom and dad helped me out each month
with some money.  I had worked in the summertimes, but not during college.  

I loved going home on the weekends, but it's strange, once you've really
been out on your own, it's never the same going back.

It was always nice to visit catch up, enjoy that protective environment with
mom and dad, but always good to leave the nest again.

I visited the nest less and less, since I got a teaching job straight out of
college in another state, then married and moved across country.

You haven't left the nest yet, and you are an adult, and sounds like wanting
to spread your wings a bit.

You need work in order to fund that, but until you do have a job, just
curious, do you do your own shopping?

Do you take bus or Para to go visit friends, shopping, go to a movie,
whatever you like to do?

I'm thinking that if you are doing things by yourself more and more, your
parents are bound to see your independence, and will maybe work into letting
go.

I know about that, I'm a mom, and one has to work at that as a mom.

My folks did that very well, but am not saying it is easy for a parent to do
this.

Can you discuss an allowance from your folks, if you are not already getting
one, then budgeting it for things you want and trips you want to take?

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
BlindTlk
Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Hi all,
Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent. 
I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get away
from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest issue is that
her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at each other and she
thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she isn't. Dad takes
anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and reads way too much news. I
also think he drinks way too much coffie and alcohol, and he also needs to
lose weight. Makayla also likes to nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't
bug me about, I already have two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm
an adult so I think I should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get
told what to do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is very
annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing our
feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about this stuff,
but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our problems,
but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that needs the
most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.  
I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla even
wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to move out,
but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think that Dad and I
should go live together, but now I'm not so sure. I already told you about
his issues, and he also nags me about stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff,
mainly showiering. I don't go anywhere so I really don't care how I look or
if I smell. Plus the less we shower the less water we use, and the less
product we have to buy. As an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own
decsions even when it comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm
treated more like a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to
be. Makayla would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach me
how to do something. She quite often just says "If you want something then
why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs me about stuff and
tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really bad at just taking things
without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys something for themselves
or for someone else (that's not her), but she just sees things and assumes
she can eat or use them, when she can't always. If she'd just ask then
chances are she could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she
doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months
ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the
fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she didn't ask
the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the last few times
she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would
unless it's plain.
It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't really
get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to start hiding
stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it gets to that then I think we
have a real problem on our hands. Plus she's good at noticing/finding things
that Mom has tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she says no
then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our names on things,
which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this macaronie dinner from Sobeys,
which I didn't get. If she wants her own then that's fine, but I like them
too, so I should've gotten one too. I've learned that if someone gets
something for me, whether it's a dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it
right away or else there might not be any/one left when I really want
it/some.  She yells at me when we're doing dishes because apparently I don't
dry them right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She thought
that I was talking about some particular time or decision that I want to
make, but I was just talking about in general. I still collect animal
figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if it's too close to my
birthday or Christmas then I can't buy anything, even though when I'm
looking at stuff it usually over a month until either event. I do it because
I worry that she won't like the look of the figurine that I'm asking for so
she won't buy it for me, regardless of how much I want it. Like last
Christmas I asked for this particular husky, well she didn't buy it for me
because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was too pointy, but the
2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my money,
should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, so if
no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
Madison   

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