[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Judy Jones sonshines59 at gmail.com
Tue Nov 17 22:59:15 UTC 2020 

So then you will have to figure out your own support system, but like Ericka says, you have to do this for yourself.

Do some thinking, and just for exercise, write us back with solutions you have come up that would work for you.  You have to go into problem-solving mode, instead of coming back with what won't work.

Come back with what will work.

Judy


-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:55 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

None that are close to us. They're probably too busy with their own lives to help, many of them have kids of their own.

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 4:44 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

My community in rural WI didn’t either so I moved to a bigger community. If you can’t get help from parents what about other family like grandparents or aunties? Maybe you could live with them until you can get some services contacted and practice with people who may be more receptive to your steps to independence.


We really do care but can’t fix the situation, that’s your Ljob” right now. 

Ericka Nelson




> On Nov 17, 2020, at 3:20 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> I get driven everywhere, not that I go many places. The main place I 
> go is to the barn where I ride, it's in the country, so a bus or 
> paratransit wouldn't take me there.
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
> via BlindTlk
> Sent: November 16, 2020 5:27 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> Hi, Madison,
> 
> On a list like this that isn't specific, I don't see any problem in 
> venting, myself.  Of course it would be up to the list owner.
> 
> My very general answer is:  When you are out on your own, most of this 
> will probably square itself out, and the issues that seem so great now 
> will solve themselves, or be non-issues.
> 
> Now, for the specifics.  When I remember being your age, a long time 
> ago hahaha, I was very anxious to be on my own, not because I didn't 
> love my folks, but because I was ready.
> 
> I was in school in another town, so that automatically had me out 
> taking care of myself, buying what I wanted, managing my money.
> 
> At that time, I wasn't working, and mom and dad helped me out each 
> month with some money.  I had worked in the summertimes, but not during college.
> 
> I loved going home on the weekends, but it's strange, once you've 
> really been out on your own, it's never the same going back.
> 
> It was always nice to visit catch up, enjoy that protective 
> environment with mom and dad, but always good to leave the nest again.
> 
> I visited the nest less and less, since I got a teaching job straight 
> out of college in another state, then married and moved across country.
> 
> You haven't left the nest yet, and you are an adult, and sounds like 
> wanting to spread your wings a bit.
> 
> You need work in order to fund that, but until you do have a job, just 
> curious, do you do your own shopping?
> 
> Do you take bus or Para to go visit friends, shopping, go to a movie, 
> whatever you like to do?
> 
> I'm thinking that if you are doing things by yourself more and more, 
> your parents are bound to see your independence, and will maybe work into letting go.
> 
> I know about that, I'm a mom, and one has to work at that as a mom.
> 
> My folks did that very well, but am not saying it is easy for a parent 
> to do this.
> 
> Can you discuss an allowance from your folks, if you are not already 
> getting one, then budgeting it for things you want and trips you want to take?
> 
> Judy
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison 
> Martin via BlindTlk
> Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> Hi all,
> Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent. 
> I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get 
> away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest 
> issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at 
> each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she 
> isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and 
> reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie 
> and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to 
> nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already have 
> two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I think I 
> should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told what to 
> do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is very 
> annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing our 
> feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about this 
> stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.
> I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla 
> even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
> There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to 
> move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think 
> that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so sure. I 
> already told you about his issues, and he also nags me about stuff 
> mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go anywhere 
> so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the less we 
> shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As 
> an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when it 
> comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more like 
> a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to be. Makayla 
> would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach me how to 
> do something. She quite often just says "If you want something then 
> why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs me about stuff 
> and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really bad at just 
> taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys 
> something for themselves or for someone else (that's not her), but she 
> just sees things and assumes she can eat or use them, when she can't 
> always. If she'd just ask then chances are she could eat some of or 
> use some of whatever it is, but she doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
> Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she 
> didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the 
> last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would unless it's plain.
> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't 
> really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to 
> start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it gets to 
> that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus she's good 
> at noticing/finding things that Mom has tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
> Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she 
> says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our 
> names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this 
> macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her own 
> then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
> I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a 
> dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there might 
> not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at me when 
> we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
> I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She 
> thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision that 
> I want to make, but I was just talking about in general. I still 
> collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if it's 
> too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy anything, even 
> though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month until either 
> event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of the 
> figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless of 
> how much I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this particular 
> husky, well she didn't buy it for me because she said that she didn't 
> like it's face, it was too pointy, but the
> 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my 
> money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, 
> so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
> Madison   
> 
> 
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