[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Ericka dotwriter1 at gmail.com
Wed Nov 18 02:10:58 UTC 2020 

Good point Judy.

Ericka Nelson

> On Nov 17, 2020, at 4:47 PM, Judy Jones via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> I was just trying to think of things.
> 
> It really would be worth talking to them.
> 
> By chance, are you the oldest?
> 
> I can tell you that having been a parent, sometimes, with the oldest,
> parents are still going through firsts.  The first to graduate from high
> school, etc.  They're growing along with their older children, so if you are
> the eldest, you can set the tone, it's almost an advantage for you.
> 
> You've hit milestones of graduating from high school and becoming an adult,
> so you will have to help them along with that, too.
> 
> Judy
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
> BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:38 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> Mom does all the cleaning except for vacuuming which Dad does. Dad does all
> the cooking. I'm a picky eater so I don't generally eat Dad cooks. 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
> BlindTlk
> Sent: November 17, 2020 4:15 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> Hi, Madison,
> 
> First of all, I'm sure we're all behind you on this list.
> 
> One thing I have seen in common from your responses on this list and others,
> that when suggestions are given, they are summarily rejected.
> 
> Granted, we're not in your living situation, but you need to start thinking
> like a problem-solver.  If any of our suggestions aren't working for you,
> then you will have to come up with your own solutions that will work for
> you.
> 
> Take the problems out of the way.  You'll have to be your own
> problem-solver, that is what we all have had to learn to do in order to make
> it in life.
> 
> you would need to persuade your folks by your actions maybe at first, if not
> by your words.  Examples.  Take on more of the cooking, or cook for
> yourself.  Do more of the household chores, take on more personal grooming
> and schedule para to go out, or anything else you can do to show them the
> adult you are.  
> 
> You've basically had a two year "break" from high school, so you should
> seriously look at ways of becoming more independent, and now.
> 
> Talk to a CNIB counselor, talk to Mary Ellen, I can send you her information
> again if you need it, but get some support for what you are trying to do.
> You are going to have to use the resources available.  If you need it, get
> yourself into a center for daily living skills to equip you to be out on
> your own.  You've got to do this for you.
> 
> Another thing a VR counselor can do is give you an interest test that may
> bring out some surprising positive results of interests you have you didn't
> realize, and can move forward with plans for your life and moving forward.
> 
> It sounds like stuck at home is getting to you, and that will not change
> unless you take control of your situation yourself.  If any of us could wave
> a wand and make it happen for you, I'm sure we would love to, we all want to
> see our blind brothers and sisters succeed.
> 
> We're here to advise and help, but you have to do the work.
> 
> You have a golden time window, being a couple years out of high school, but
> the older you get, the harder it will be to pick up the reins of your life
> again, you've got to make it happen for yourself and get people behind you
> to support you, and this list will support you inasmuch as a listserv can.
> 
> Judy
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
> BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 1:18 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> I'm not sure they'd listen to me, or at least not Mom.
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
> BlindTlk
> Sent: November 16, 2020 5:36 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> Another thought.
> 
> Can you sit down with your folks, and discuss your need for more
> independence, a possible modest allowance, if you don't already have one?
> Your need to have your own things be yours?
> 
> For about three years, our older daughter came back to the "nest," for about
> five years until she got married in 2015.  
> 
> Chris was newly retired then, I was starting back to work, and Jada had her
> own job.  Of course we would have provided groceries for her, had she needed
> that, but she got work right away.
> 
> We would share our groceries with her, and she shared some of hers with us,
> but we would check with each other before we ate.
> 
> We also would eat sometimes at different times.  Jada, of course, could use
> the kitchen any time she liked anyway.
> 
> One time we were talking about this, and our relationship with her at that
> time was more like housemates.
> 
> We all had our own schedules, our own errands, our own things we did, but we
> also enjoyed each other's company.
> 
> When trying to explain this to our younger daughter, it was hard for her to
> understand, because the last time she was living with us was as a minor.
> She started fulltime work at age eighteen, had her own place, and kept that
> job until she was 25.  She married at 27, and is now 30, hard to believe.
> 
> 
> Judy
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
> BlindTlk
> Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> Hi all,
> Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent. 
> I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get away
> from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest issue is that
> her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at each other and she
> thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she isn't. Dad takes
> anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and reads way too much news. I
> also think he drinks way too much coffie and alcohol, and he also needs to
> lose weight. Makayla also likes to nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't
> bug me about, I already have two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm
> an adult so I think I should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get
> told what to do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is very
> annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing our
> feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about this stuff,
> but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our problems,
> but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that needs the
> most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.  
> I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla even
> wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
> There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to move out,
> but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think that Dad and I
> should go live together, but now I'm not so sure. I already told you about
> his issues, and he also nags me about stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff,
> mainly showiering. I don't go anywhere so I really don't care how I look or
> if I smell. Plus the less we shower the less water we use, and the less
> product we have to buy. As an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own
> decsions even when it comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm
> treated more like a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to
> be. Makayla would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach me
> how to do something. She quite often just says "If you want something then
> why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs me about stuff and
> tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really bad at just taking things
> without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys something for themselves
> or for someone else (that's not her), but she just sees things and assumes
> she can eat or use them, when she can't always. If she'd just ask then
> chances are she could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she
> doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months
> ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the
> fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
> Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she didn't ask
> the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the last few times
> she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would
> unless it's plain.
> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't really
> get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to start hiding
> stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it gets to that then I think we
> have a real problem on our hands. Plus she's good at noticing/finding things
> that Mom has tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
> Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she says no
> then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our names on things,
> which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this macaronie dinner from Sobeys,
> which I didn't get. If she wants her own then that's fine, but I like them
> too, so I should've gotten one too. I've learned that if someone gets
> something for me, whether it's a dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it
> right away or else there might not be any/one left when I really want
> it/some.  She yells at me when we're doing dishes because apparently I don't
> dry them right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
> I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She thought
> that I was talking about some particular time or decision that I want to
> make, but I was just talking about in general. I still collect animal
> figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if it's too close to my
> birthday or Christmas then I can't buy anything, even though when I'm
> looking at stuff it usually over a month until either event. I do it because
> I worry that she won't like the look of the figurine that I'm asking for so
> she won't buy it for me, regardless of how much I want it. Like last
> Christmas I asked for this particular husky, well she didn't buy it for me
> because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was too pointy, but the
> 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my money,
> should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, so if
> no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
> Madison   
> 
> 
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