[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

maddymartin at mymts.net maddymartin at mymts.net
Wed Nov 18 04:53:14 UTC 2020 

I took some career development courses, but I never actually talked to a career counselor. I dry dishes and empty the dishwasher and vacuum and dust, but I don't do any cooking or laundry, other then baking dog treats and taking my basket downstairs.  

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 7:47 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Wow, that's a luxury in my mind, and glad you had someone

Another thought I had.

When you look back on your high school years, did you ever visit with a career counselor as a junior/senior, who may have indicated a field you could get into, or an area of expertise you would be good at where you could earn a living?

I'm also asking only because I don't know.  Have you been in volved much or at all in cooking, cleaning, laundry, the things adults do to maintain a home?

Sighted or blind, some get out of high school with none of these experiences.  If you need to I would work to get into an orientation training center to get these things done, and, by all means, talk to Mary Ellen.  Sighted kids don't have the luxury of a center like that where you can get comprehensive independence training, but we blind folks do, especially transition age, in the US between the ages of 14 and 24.  There is funding for adults transitioning from school into a career.  After that, there is very little or none if you are not on the vocational track with an agency.

The other way to succeed is to do it on your own without agency help, which can be done, but harder now than when I was growing up, due to the cost of technology pieces now.

I never had the help of an agency, but the technology of today didn't exist back then, and I had all my braille skills.  Everyone, sighted and blind, was familiar with the typewriter, too.

All these things, these moves to independence and schooling, and earning a living can support the dream of dog grooming, keep that dream, but make sure you know how to support it.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 4:28 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Yes I went to public school, but I had a consultant who came and taught me Braille, Jaws, mobility, and made sure I had my schoolwork in Braille and helped my teachers. Then she got cancer and had to retire and the lady that came wasn't as good.

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 6:11 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Normally I wouldn’t say anything Judy, but when you’ve been under surgery and then been loopy from medication since Friday that is a big  appreciate a complement.

Hang in there Madison. Did you go to public school or did you go to the state school for the blind? I think it does make a difference. Half of me wishes I had gone to the state school for the blind and half of me is very very grateful I went to public school. I was one of those students who was the first person to be in public school. I realize you’re in Canada, not in the states. The choice didn’t come up until the mid 70s and I was born in 1971. I have a little bit of vision which has changed over the years so I have less than I did when I was in public school. But I do want you to know that you can pick up whatever you’ve missed and move on. I learned Braille, can’t travel and those skills that are much harder for a parent to teach later in life. I have worked, been married and had a busy volunteer life. Use this time please so that you can B were you want to be at 49 not like me who with limited skills has kind of limited me to career choices. And remember, there’s always sighted people having some of the same problems you are. Believe it or not there’s a lot of parents who don’t teach their kids how to cook, clean, or have any expectations for them. Then they go out into the world and think there are the cats meow. How do I know? My ex-husband had lots of academics but none of the street smarts shall we say. He’s in the dust and I’m keeping him there. My current husband is totally blind, a wonderful caretaker for me with my foot surgery recovery now and wish I had married him instead. When I met him he had vision in only one eye and not much over 30 years ago. I guess this is a roundabout way of just stating that if you want to get out of the situation plan carefully. I had great parents. I still fell into the trap of marrying somebody cited because I thought it would be easier. O’Brien contract themselves until loving anybody. But what ended up being an abusive situation. You already can see an abusive situation so be very careful. Your province might be able to get you some counseling.

Ericka Nelson

> On Nov 17, 2020, at 4:48 PM, Judy Jones via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Very well said.
> 
> Judy
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via 
> BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:44 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> My community in rural WI didn’t either so I moved to a bigger community. If you can’t get help from parents what about other family like grandparents or aunties? Maybe you could live with them until you can get some services contacted and practice with people who may be more receptive to your steps to independence.
> 
> 
> We really do care but can’t fix the situation, that’s your Ljob” right now. 
> 
> Ericka Nelson
> 
> 
> 
> 
>> On Nov 17, 2020, at 3:20 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> 
>> I get driven everywhere, not that I go many places. The main place I 
>> go is to the barn where I ride, it's in the country, so a bus or 
>> paratransit wouldn't take me there.
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
>> via BlindTlk
>> Sent: November 16, 2020 5:27 PM
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> Hi, Madison,
>> 
>> On a list like this that isn't specific, I don't see any problem in 
>> venting, myself.  Of course it would be up to the list owner.
>> 
>> My very general answer is:  When you are out on your own, most of 
>> this will probably square itself out, and the issues that seem so 
>> great now will solve themselves, or be non-issues.
>> 
>> Now, for the specifics.  When I remember being your age, a long time 
>> ago hahaha, I was very anxious to be on my own, not because I didn't 
>> love my folks, but because I was ready.
>> 
>> I was in school in another town, so that automatically had me out 
>> taking care of myself, buying what I wanted, managing my money.
>> 
>> At that time, I wasn't working, and mom and dad helped me out each 
>> month with some money.  I had worked in the summertimes, but not during college.
>> 
>> I loved going home on the weekends, but it's strange, once you've 
>> really been out on your own, it's never the same going back.
>> 
>> It was always nice to visit catch up, enjoy that protective 
>> environment with mom and dad, but always good to leave the nest again.
>> 
>> I visited the nest less and less, since I got a teaching job straight 
>> out of college in another state, then married and moved across country.
>> 
>> You haven't left the nest yet, and you are an adult, and sounds like 
>> wanting to spread your wings a bit.
>> 
>> You need work in order to fund that, but until you do have a job, 
>> just curious, do you do your own shopping?
>> 
>> Do you take bus or Para to go visit friends, shopping, go to a movie, 
>> whatever you like to do?
>> 
>> I'm thinking that if you are doing things by yourself more and more, 
>> your parents are bound to see your independence, and will maybe work into letting go.
>> 
>> I know about that, I'm a mom, and one has to work at that as a mom.
>> 
>> My folks did that very well, but am not saying it is easy for a 
>> parent to do this.
>> 
>> Can you discuss an allowance from your folks, if you are not already 
>> getting one, then budgeting it for things you want and trips you want to take?
>> 
>> Judy
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison 
>> Martin via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>> Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> Hi all,
>> Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent. 
>> I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get 
>> away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest 
>> issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at 
>> each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she 
>> isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and 
>> reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie 
>> and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to 
>> nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already 
>> have two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I 
>> think I should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told 
>> what to do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is 
>> very annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing 
>> our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about 
>> this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.
>> I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla 
>> even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
>> There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to 
>> move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think 
>> that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so sure. I 
>> already told you about his issues, and he also nags me about stuff 
>> mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go anywhere 
>> so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the less we 
>> shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As 
>> an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when 
>> it comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more 
>> like a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to be.
>> Makayla would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach 
>> me how to do something. She quite often just says "If you want 
>> something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs 
>> me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really 
>> bad at just taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes 
>> someone buys something for themselves or for someone else (that's not 
>> her), but she just sees things and assumes she can eat or use them, 
>> when she can't always. If she'd just ask then chances are she could 
>> eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
>> Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she 
>> didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the 
>> last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would unless it's plain.
>> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't 
>> really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to 
>> start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it gets to 
>> that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus she's 
>> good at noticing/finding things that Mom has tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
>> Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she 
>> says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our 
>> names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this 
>> macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her 
>> own then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
>> I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a 
>> dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there might 
>> not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at me when 
>> we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
>> I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She 
>> thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision 
>> that I want to make, but I was just talking about in general. I still 
>> collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if it's 
>> too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy anything, even 
>> though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month until either 
>> event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of the 
>> figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless 
>> of how much I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this 
>> particular husky, well she didn't buy it for me because she said that 
>> she didn't like it's face, it was too pointy, but the
>> 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my 
>> money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
>> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, 
>> so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
>> Madison   
>> 
>> 
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