[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Wed Nov 18 13:28:19 UTC 2020

Okay, so you've just taken care of the first two steps.  Pam.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Madison Martin via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 5:52 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

No. Yes I have my own bank account, and I get GST cheques.

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 4:23 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

I understand.  When I was in high school, mom and dad were ready 
transportation
for wherever I needed to go, and that is easy to take for granted when you 
are
growing up.  If you are truly wanting to be thought of as an adult, you will
have to make some changes.  Start small.

An example.  Have you ever gone shopping by yourself?  I'm only asking as I
don't know how things are with you.  But you could have your folks drop you 
off,
then pick you up at a pre-arranged time, say, if you wanted to go grocery
shopping.  Or take para.

Another question, do you have your own money, so you can handle money?
Sorry if this sounds so basic, but these are things you will be doing on 
your
own, and maybe you already are.

Think of small changes you can make for yourself around the house that will 
show
you to be the adult you aspire to be.

Get the people support you need to make the changes you want to make.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 1:21 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

I get driven everywhere, not that I go many places. The main place I go is 
to
the barn where I ride, it's in the country, so a bus or paratransit wouldn't
take me there.

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones via
BlindTlk
Sent: November 16, 2020 5:27 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Hi, Madison,

On a list like this that isn't specific, I don't see any problem in venting,
myself.  Of course it would be up to the list owner.

My very general answer is:  When you are out on your own, most of this will
probably square itself out, and the issues that seem so great now will solve
themselves, or be non-issues.

Now, for the specifics.  When I remember being your age, a long time ago 
hahaha,
I was very anxious to be on my own, not because I didn't love my folks, but
because I was ready.

I was in school in another town, so that automatically had me out taking 
care of
myself, buying what I wanted, managing my money.

At that time, I wasn't working, and mom and dad helped me out each month 
with
some money.  I had worked in the summertimes, but not during college.

I loved going home on the weekends, but it's strange, once you've really 
been
out on your own, it's never the same going back.

It was always nice to visit catch up, enjoy that protective environment with 
mom
and dad, but always good to leave the nest again.

I visited the nest less and less, since I got a teaching job straight out of
college in another state, then married and moved across country.

You haven't left the nest yet, and you are an adult, and sounds like wanting 
to
spread your wings a bit.

You need work in order to fund that, but until you do have a job, just 
curious,
do you do your own shopping?

Do you take bus or Para to go visit friends, shopping, go to a movie, 
whatever
you like to do?

I'm thinking that if you are doing things by yourself more and more, your
parents are bound to see your independence, and will maybe work into letting 
go.

I know about that, I'm a mom, and one has to work at that as a mom.

My folks did that very well, but am not saying it is easy for a parent to do
this.

Can you discuss an allowance from your folks, if you are not already getting
one, then budgeting it for things you want and trips you want to take?

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison Martin via
BlindTlk
Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Hi all,
Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent.
I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get away 
from
the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest issue is that her 
and
Mom are too much a like, so they're always at each other and she thinks that 
Mom
is always mad at her when she isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I 
think
he watches and reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much
coffie and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to 
nag
me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already have two 
parents I
don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I think I should be allowed to 
make
my own decisions and not get told what to do. Mom also loves to be in 
control
all the time which is very annoying. None of us are very good at talking 
about
and sharing our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk 
about
this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve 
our
problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that
needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.
I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla even 
wants
to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to move out, 
but
I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think that Dad and I 
should go
live together, but now I'm not so sure. I already told you about his issues, 
and
he also nags me about stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly 
showiering. I
don't go anywhere so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the 
less
we shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As an
adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when it comes to
personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more like a kid then the
adult that I am and should be allowed to be. Makayla would probably just 
yell at
me, she wouldn't actually teach me how to do something. She quite often just
says "If you want something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She 
also
bugs me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really 
bad at
just taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys 
something
for themselves or for someone else (that's not her), but she just sees 
things
and assumes she can eat or use them, when she can't always. If she'd just 
ask
then chances are she could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but 
she
doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months 
ago,
and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so 
Mom
would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she didn't ask 
the
first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the last few times she's 
made
stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would unless it's 
plain.
It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't really 
get
any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to start hiding stuff 
in
my room, which would be weird, if it gets to that then I think we have a 
real
problem on our hands. Plus she's good at noticing/finding things that Mom 
has
tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she says no 
then
I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our names on things, which
Makayla did yesterday, when she got this macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which 
I
didn't get. If she wants her own then that's fine, but I like them too, so I
should've gotten one too. I've learned that if someone gets something for 
me,
whether it's a dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else 
there
might not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at me when
we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I just 
wait
for her to finish washing and then I dry.
I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She thought 
that I
was talking about some particular time or decision that I want to make, but 
I
was just talking about in general. I still collect animal figurenes, and she 
has
this weird thing that if it's too close to my birthday or Christmas then I 
can't
buy anything, even though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month
until either event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of 
the
figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless of how 
much
I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this particular husky, well she
didn't buy it for me because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was 
too
pointy, but the
2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my money,
should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, so if 
no
one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
Madison

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