[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Wed Nov 18 14:26:43 UTC 2020

Yes.  And Madison, I agree with the people who said get your own counseling, 
and don't wait for family who you know will not.  Don't let that stop you 
from straightening out your life.  You have to get yours inspite of them. 
Because you have to learn how to deal with their inabilities.  You also have 
to start learning to think of yourself as your own person.  Pam.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Ericka via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 7:10 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List
Cc: Ericka
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Normally I wouldn’t say anything Judy, but when you’ve been under surgery 
and then been loopy from medication since Friday that is a big  appreciate a 
complement.

Hang in there Madison. Did you go to public school or did you go to the 
state school for the blind? I think it does make a difference. Half of me 
wishes I had gone to the state school for the blind and half of me is very 
very grateful I went to public school. I was one of those students who was 
the first person to be in public school. I realize you’re in Canada, not in 
the states. The choice didn’t come up until the mid 70s and I was born in 
1971. I have a little bit of vision which has changed over the years so I 
have less than I did when I was in public school. But I do want you to know 
that you can pick up whatever you’ve missed and move on. I learned Braille, 
can’t travel and those skills that are much harder for a parent to teach 
later in life. I have worked, been married and had a busy volunteer life. 
Use this time please so that you can B were you want to be at 49 not like me 
who with limited skills has kind of limited me to career choices. And 
remember, there’s always sighted people having some of the same problems you 
are. Believe it or not there’s a lot of parents who don’t teach their kids 
how to cook, clean, or have any expectations for them. Then they go out into 
the world and think there are the cats meow. How do I know? My ex-husband 
had lots of academics but none of the street smarts shall we say. He’s in 
the dust and I’m keeping him there. My current husband is totally blind, a 
wonderful caretaker for me with my foot surgery recovery now and wish I had 
married him instead. When I met him he had vision in only one eye and not 
much over 30 years ago. I guess this is a roundabout way of just stating 
that if you want to get out of the situation plan carefully. I had great 
parents. I still fell into the trap of marrying somebody cited because I 
thought it would be easier. O’Brien contract themselves until loving 
anybody. But what ended up being an abusive situation. You already can see 
an abusive situation so be very careful. Your province might be able to get 
you some counseling.

Ericka Nelson

> On Nov 17, 2020, at 4:48 PM, Judy Jones via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> 
> wrote:
> Very well said.
>
> Judy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via 
> BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:44 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> My community in rural WI didn’t either so I moved to a bigger community. 
> If you can’t get help from parents what about other family like 
> grandparents or aunties? Maybe you could live with them until you can get 
> some services contacted and practice with people who may be more receptive 
> to your steps to independence.
>
>
> We really do care but can’t fix the situation, that’s your Ljob” right 
> now.
>
> Ericka Nelson
>
>
>
>
>> On Nov 17, 2020, at 3:20 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk 
>> <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>> I get driven everywhere, not that I go many places. The main place I
>> go is to the barn where I ride, it's in the country, so a bus or
>> paratransit wouldn't take me there.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
>> via BlindTlk
>> Sent: November 16, 2020 5:27 PM
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>
>> Hi, Madison,
>>
>> On a list like this that isn't specific, I don't see any problem in
>> venting, myself.  Of course it would be up to the list owner.
>>
>> My very general answer is:  When you are out on your own, most of this
>> will probably square itself out, and the issues that seem so great now
>> will solve themselves, or be non-issues.
>>
>> Now, for the specifics.  When I remember being your age, a long time
>> ago hahaha, I was very anxious to be on my own, not because I didn't
>> love my folks, but because I was ready.
>>
>> I was in school in another town, so that automatically had me out
>> taking care of myself, buying what I wanted, managing my money.
>>
>> At that time, I wasn't working, and mom and dad helped me out each
>> month with some money.  I had worked in the summertimes, but not during 
>> college.
>>
>> I loved going home on the weekends, but it's strange, once you've
>> really been out on your own, it's never the same going back.
>>
>> It was always nice to visit catch up, enjoy that protective
>> environment with mom and dad, but always good to leave the nest again.
>>
>> I visited the nest less and less, since I got a teaching job straight
>> out of college in another state, then married and moved across country.
>>
>> You haven't left the nest yet, and you are an adult, and sounds like
>> wanting to spread your wings a bit.
>>
>> You need work in order to fund that, but until you do have a job, just
>> curious, do you do your own shopping?
>>
>> Do you take bus or Para to go visit friends, shopping, go to a movie,
>> whatever you like to do?
>>
>> I'm thinking that if you are doing things by yourself more and more,
>> your parents are bound to see your independence, and will maybe work into 
>> letting go.
>>
>> I know about that, I'm a mom, and one has to work at that as a mom.
>>
>> My folks did that very well, but am not saying it is easy for a parent
>> to do this.
>>
>> Can you discuss an allowance from your folks, if you are not already
>> getting one, then budgeting it for things you want and trips you want to 
>> take?
>>
>> Judy
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
>> Martin via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>> Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>
>> Hi all,
>> Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent.
>> I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get
>> away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest
>> issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at
>> each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she
>> isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and
>> reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie
>> and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to
>> nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already have
>> two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I think I
>> should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told what to
>> do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is very
>> annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing our
>> feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about this
>> stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our 
>> problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one 
>> that needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.
>> I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla
>> even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right 
>> therapist.
>> There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to
>> move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think
>> that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so sure. I
>> already told you about his issues, and he also nags me about stuff
>> mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go anywhere
>> so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the less we
>> shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As
>> an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when it
>> comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more like
>> a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to be. Makayla
>> would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach me how to
>> do something. She quite often just says "If you want something then
>> why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs me about stuff
>> and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really bad at just
>> taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys
>> something for themselves or for someone else (that's not her), but she
>> just sees things and assumes she can eat or use them, when she can't
>> always. If she'd just ask then chances are she could eat some of or
>> use some of whatever it is, but she doesn't. Dad does this too, not as 
>> much though. We made fudge a few months ago, and she ate a few pieces 
>> without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a few 
>> pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
>> Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she
>> didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the
>> last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not 
>> that I would unless it's plain.
>> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't
>> really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to
>> start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it gets to
>> that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus she's good
>> at noticing/finding things that Mom has tried to hide, in particular 
>> chocolate.
>> Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she
>> says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our
>> names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this
>> macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her own
>> then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
>> I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a
>> dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there might
>> not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at me when
>> we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I just 
>> wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
>> I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She
>> thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision that
>> I want to make, but I was just talking about in general. I still
>> collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if it's
>> too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy anything, even
>> though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month until either
>> event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of the
>> figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless of
>> how much I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this particular
>> husky, well she didn't buy it for me because she said that she didn't
>> like it's face, it was too pointy, but the
>> 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my
>> money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
>> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent,
>> so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it 
>> anyway.
>> Madison
>>
>>
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