[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Wed Nov 18 15:00:52 UTC 2020

Good morning, Madison,

It'll get better. . -----Original Message----- 
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On 
Behalf Of Ericka via BlindTlk Sent: November 17, 
2020 6:32 PM To: Blind Talk Mailing List 
<blindtlk at nfbnet.org> Cc: Ericka 
<dotwriter1 at gmail.com> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] 
frustrating home situation Contact them instead 
of assuming. Unless you have magic powers you. 
Canâ€™t read minds. If rhings are. So awful then 
the further away you are the better. Many filks 
go to training centers very far from family so 
nobody can interfer. Not suggesting anything 
here. Do you have a school friend whoâ€™s on 
their own that you could live with? Make 3 lists: 
long range goals on one (futur), mid-term (can be 
accomplished in 6 to 12 months), and short term 
which are something that you can do in the next 2 
to 3 months to change your situation. Breaking it 
down always makes a problem easier. I think 
whatâ€™s going on here is that youâ€™re so damn 
frustrated and I apologize for language, that 
your brain shut off and problem-solving skills 
you may have had before went out the window. This 
allows you to dream in small bites. And you can 
do that hiding in your own bedroom! Ericka 
Nelson > On Nov 17, 2020, at 4:54 PM, Madison 
Martin via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> 
wrote: > > ï»¿None that are close to us. They're 
probably too busy with their own lives to help, 
many of them have kids of their own. > > 
-----Original Message----- > From: BlindTlk 
<blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka 
via > BlindTlk > Sent: November 17, 2020 4:44 
PM > To: Blind Talk Mailing List 
<blindtlk at nfbnet.org> > Cc: Ericka 
<dotwriter1 at gmail.com> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] 
frustrating home situation > > My community in 
rural WI didnâ€™t either so I moved to a bigger 
community. If you canâ€™t get help from parents 
what about other family like grandparents or 
aunties? Maybe you could live with them until you 
can get some services contacted and practice with 
people who may be more receptive to your steps to 
independence. > > > We really do care but canâ€™t 
fix the situation, thatâ€™s your Ljobâ€ right 
now. > > Ericka Nelson > > > > >> On Nov 17, 
2020, at 3:20 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk 
<blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote: >> >> ï»¿I get 
driven everywhere, not that I go many places. The 
main place I >> go is to the barn where I ride, 
it's in the country, so a bus or >> paratransit 
wouldn't take me there. >> >> -----Original 
Message----- >> From: BlindTlk 
<blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy 
Jones >> via BlindTlk >> Sent: November 16, 2020 
5:27 PM >> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' 
<blindtlk at nfbnet.org> >> Cc: Judy Jones 
<sonshines59 at gmail.com> >> Subject: Re: 
[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation >> >> Hi, 
Madison, >> >> On a list like this that isn't 
specific, I don't see any problem in >> venting, 
myself.  Of course it would be up to the list 
owner. >> >> My very general answer is:  When you 
are out on your own, most of >> this will 
probably square itself out, and the issues that 
seem so >> great now will solve themselves, or be 
non-issues. >> >> Now, for the specifics.  When I 
remember being your age, a long time >> ago 
hahaha, I was very anxious to be on my own, not 
because I didn't >> love my folks, but because I 
was ready. >> >> I was in school in another town, 
so that automatically had me out >> taking care 
of myself, buying what I wanted, managing my 
money. >> >> At that time, I wasn't working, and 
mom and dad helped me out each >> month with some 
money.  I had worked in the summertimes, but not 
during college. >> >> I loved going home on the 
weekends, but it's strange, once you've >> really 
been out on your own, it's never the same going 
back. >> >> It was always nice to visit catch up, 
enjoy that protective >> environment with mom and 
dad, but always good to leave the nest 
again. >> >> I visited the nest less and less, 
since I got a teaching job straight >> out of 
college in another state, then married and moved 
across country. >> >> You haven't left the nest 
yet, and you are an adult, and sounds like >> 
wanting to spread your wings a bit. >> >> You 
need work in order to fund that, but until you do 
have a job, >> just curious, do you do your own 
shopping? >> >> Do you take bus or Para to go 
visit friends, shopping, go to a movie, >> 
whatever you like to do? >> >> I'm thinking that 
if you are doing things by yourself more and 
more, >> your parents are bound to see your 
independence, and will maybe work into letting 
go. >> >> I know about that, I'm a mom, and one 
has to work at that as a mom. >> >> My folks did 
that very well, but am not saying it is easy for 
a >> parent to do this. >> >> Can you discuss an 
allowance from your folks, if you are not 
already >> getting one, then budgeting it for 
things you want and trips you want to take? >> >> 
Judy >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: 
BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf 
Of Madison >> Martin via BlindTlk >> Sent: 
Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM >> To: 
blindtlk at nfbnet.org >> Cc: 
maddymartin at mymts.net >> Subject: [BlindTlk] 
frustrating home situation >> >> Hi all, >> Hope 
this is okay to talk about hear, I just really 
need to vent. >> I forgot to say that Dad and I 
went out for super on Saturday to get >> away 
from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. 
Makayla's biggest >> issue is that her and Mom 
are too much a like, so they're always at >> each 
other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at 
her when she >> isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant 
meds, but I think he watches and >> reads way too 
much news. I also think he drinks way too much 
coffie >> and alcohol, and he also needs to lose 
weight. Makayla also likes to >> nag me about 
stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I 
already >> have two parents I don't want or need 
a third. I'm an adult so I >> think I should be 
allowed to make my own decisions and not get 
told >> what to do. Mom also loves to be in 
control all the time which is >> very annoying. 
None of us are very good at talking about and 
sharing >> our feelings, if we were a normal 
family then we could talk about >> this stuff, 
but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't 
necessarily solve our problems, but hopefully 
they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one 
that needs the most help, but we know that she 
wouldn't go or talk. >> I don't know that Mom 
would ever join us, and I don't know if 
Makayla >> even wants to go. I'd consider it, but 
only if we found the right therapist. >> There 
are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. 
I'd love to >> move out, but I don't think I want 
to live by myself. I used to think >> that Dad 
and I should go live together, but now I'm not so 
sure. I >> already told you about his issues, and 
he also nags me about stuff >> mainly personal 
hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go 
anywhere >> so I really don't care how I look or 
if I smell. Plus the less we >> shower the less 
water we use, and the less product we have to 
buy. As >> an adult, should I not be allowed to 
make my own decsions even when >> it comes to 
personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm 
treated more >> like a kid then the adult that I 
am and should be allowed to be. >> Makayla would 
probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually 
teach >> me how to do something. She quite often 
just says "If you want >> something then why not 
just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs >> 
me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's 
also gotten really >> bad at just taking things 
without asking, mainly food. Sometimes >> someone 
buys something for themselves or for someone else 
(that's not >> her), but she just sees things and 
assumes she can eat or use them, >> when she 
can't always. If she'd just ask then chances are 
she could >> eat some of or use some of whatever 
it is, but she doesn't. Dad does this too, not as 
much though. We made fudge a few months ago, and 
she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be 
kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a few 
pieces and put them out to warm up a bit. >> Now 
if we make it again she's not allowed to have any 
because she >> didn't ask the first time, she 
blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the >> last 
few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if 
I'd like any, not that I would unless it's 
plain. >> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys 
me something and then I don't >> really get any 
because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to 
have to >> start hiding stuff in my room, which 
would be weird, if it gets to >> that then I 
think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus 
she's >> good at noticing/finding things that Mom 
has tried to hide, in particular chocolate. >> 
Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I 
just ask and if she >> says no then I don't touch 
it. We might have to start putting our >> names 
on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she 
got this >> macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I 
didn't get. If she wants her >> own then that's 
fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten 
one too. >> I've learned that if someone gets 
something for me, whether it's a >> dinner or 
snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else 
there might >> not be any/one left when I really 
want it/some.  She yells at me when >> we're 
doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them 
right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing 
and then I dry. >> I've tried talking to Mom, but 
that didn't really work/help. She >> thought that 
I was talking about some particular time or 
decision >> that I want to make, but I was just 
talking about in general. I still >> collect 
animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing 
that if it's >> too close to my birthday or 
Christmas then I can't buy anything, even >> 
though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over 
a month until either >> event. I do it because I 
worry that she won't like the look of the >> 
figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it 
for me, regardless >> of how much I want it. Like 
last Christmas I asked for this >> particular 
husky, well she didn't buy it for me because she 
said that >> she didn't like it's face, it was 
too pointy, but the >> 2 that she got me looked 
way more like wolves then huskies. It's my >> 
money, should I not be allowed to spend it when 
and how I want? >> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like 
I said, I just really needed to vent, >> so if no 
one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting 
me do it anyway. >> Madison   >> >> >> 
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