[BlindTlk] [BlTlk] frustrating home situation

Wed Nov 18 16:11:22 UTC 2020

My motherr did, when she could.  But we had to find ways to either do it when my father was not home, or to keep him out of the kitchen.  He would yell stuff like “Take that knife away from her!  She is going to cut herself!”  I mean, really!  Pam.

From: Judy Jones via BlindTlk 
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 11:55 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List ; 'Blind Talk Mailing List' 
Cc: Judy Jones 
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] [BlTlk] frustrating home situation

I always loved trying out recipes, and am glad mom gave me free reign in the kitchen. Was a good learning experience I needed.

----- Original Message -----
From: Madison Martin via BlindTlk 
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' 
Date: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 08:31 PM
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

I already have a bunch, which I'm more then happy to share if anyone is interested. Most aren't ones that I've actually tried; they're ones that people on other lists have shared to the list!

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Judy Jones via BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 8:10 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' 
Cc: Judy Jones 
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Hahaha, start collecting some recipes.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Madison Martin via BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 5:34 PM
To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' 
Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Glad you had people to help you!! If my consultant hadn't had to retire then I might have started to learn some daily living skills. I can bake dog treats though!

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Ericka via BlindTlk
Sent: November 17, 2020 6:55 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List 
Cc: Ericka 
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

My parents didn't either. That's why other blind folks why people on this lisr are so crucial. CNIB has members that can help family ad well as you. A local NFB member was helping me with some thech until she moved. I so appreciative that! I don't know tech andmy family including my husband don't know braille. Sometimes the angels are hiding. Remember that. Pursue answers and you'll eventually find them. Had I not brought my need for help up and kept asking Stacy wouldn't have helped me. I couldn't read enough of the braille manual to do it myself.

Ericka Nelson

> On Nov 17, 2020, at 6:39 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk wrote:
> 
> I don't have contact with any of my school friends, I didn't have many to begin with. I could contact some of my family, but they don't know how to teach a blind person.
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Ericka via 
> BlindTlk
> Sent: November 17, 2020 6:32 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List 
> Cc: Ericka 
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> 
> Contact them instead of assuming. Unless you have magic powers you. Can't read minds. If rhings are. So awful then the further away you are the better. Many filks go to training centers very far from family so nobody can interfer. Not suggesting anything here. Do you have a school friend who's on their own that you could live with? 
> 
> Make 3 lists: long range goals on one (futur), mid-term (can be accomplished in 6 to 12 months), and short term which are something that you can do in the next 2 to 3 months to change your situation. Breaking it down always makes a problem easier. I think what's going on here is that you're so damn frustrated and I apologize for language, that your brain shut off and problem-solving skills you may have had before went out the window. This allows you to dream in small bites. And you can do that hiding in your own bedroom!
> 
> Ericka Nelson
> 
>> On Nov 17, 2020, at 4:54 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk wrote:
>> 
>> None that are close to us. They're probably too busy with their own lives to help, many of them have kids of their own.
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Ericka via 
>> BlindTlk
>> Sent: November 17, 2020 4:44 PM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List 
>> Cc: Ericka 
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> My community in rural WI didn't either so I moved to a bigger community. If you can't get help from parents what about other family like grandparents or aunties? Maybe you could live with them until you can get some services contacted and practice with people who may be more receptive to your steps to independence.
>> 
>> 
>> We really do care but can't fix the situation, that's your Ljob" right now. 
>> 
>> Ericka Nelson
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>>>> On Nov 17, 2020, at 3:20 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk wrote:
>>> 
>>> I get driven everywhere, not that I go many places. The main place 
>>> I go is to the barn where I ride, it's in the country, so a bus or 
>>> paratransit wouldn't take me there.
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Judy Jones 
>>> via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: November 16, 2020 5:27 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' 
>>> Cc: Judy Jones 
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Hi, Madison,
>>> 
>>> On a list like this that isn't specific, I don't see any problem in 
>>> venting, myself. Of course it would be up to the list owner.
>>> 
>>> My very general answer is: When you are out on your own, most of 
>>> this will probably square itself out, and the issues that seem so 
>>> great now will solve themselves, or be non-issues.
>>> 
>>> Now, for the specifics. When I remember being your age, a long time 
>>> ago hahaha, I was very anxious to be on my own, not because I didn't 
>>> love my folks, but because I was ready.
>>> 
>>> I was in school in another town, so that automatically had me out 
>>> taking care of myself, buying what I wanted, managing my money.
>>> 
>>> At that time, I wasn't working, and mom and dad helped me out each 
>>> month with some money. I had worked in the summertimes, but not during college.
>>> 
>>> I loved going home on the weekends, but it's strange, once you've 
>>> really been out on your own, it's never the same going back.
>>> 
>>> It was always nice to visit catch up, enjoy that protective 
>>> environment with mom and dad, but always good to leave the nest again.
>>> 
>>> I visited the nest less and less, since I got a teaching job 
>>> straight out of college in another state, then married and moved across country.
>>> 
>>> You haven't left the nest yet, and you are an adult, and sounds like 
>>> wanting to spread your wings a bit.
>>> 
>>> You need work in order to fund that, but until you do have a job, 
>>> just curious, do you do your own shopping?
>>> 
>>> Do you take bus or Para to go visit friends, shopping, go to a 
>>> movie, whatever you like to do?
>>> 
>>> I'm thinking that if you are doing things by yourself more and more, 
>>> your parents are bound to see your independence, and will maybe work into letting go.
>>> 
>>> I know about that, I'm a mom, and one has to work at that as a mom.
>>> 
>>> My folks did that very well, but am not saying it is easy for a 
>>> parent to do this.
>>> 
>>> Can you discuss an allowance from your folks, if you are not already 
>>> getting one, then budgeting it for things you want and trips you want to take?
>>> 
>>> Judy
>>> 
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Madison 
>>> Martin via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
>>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>>> Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Hi all,
>>> Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent. 
>>> I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get 
>>> away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest 
>>> issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at 
>>> each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she 
>>> isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and 
>>> reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie 
>>> and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to 
>>> nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already 
>>> have two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I 
>>> think I should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told 
>>> what to do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is 
>>> very annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing 
>>> our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about 
>>> this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or talk.
>>> I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if 
>>> Makayla even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
>>> There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to 
>>> move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to 
>>> think that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so 
>>> sure. I already told you about his issues, and he also nags me about 
>>> stuff mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go 
>>> anywhere so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the 
>>> less we shower the less water we use, and the less product we have 
>>> to buy. As an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions 
>>> even when it comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm 
>>> treated more like a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to be.
>>> Makayla would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach 
>>> me how to do something. She quite often just says "If you want 
>>> something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs 
>>> me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really 
>>> bad at just taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes 
>>> someone buys something for themselves or for someone else (that's 
>>> not her), but she just sees things and assumes she can eat or use 
>>> them, when she can't always. If she'd just ask then chances are she 
>>> could eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
>>> Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she 
>>> didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus 
>>> the last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would unless it's plain.
>>> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I 
>>> don't really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to 
>>> have to start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it 
>>> gets to that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus 
>>> she's good at noticing/finding things that Mom has tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
>>> Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she 
>>> says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our 
>>> names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this 
>>> macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her 
>>> own then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
>>> I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a 
>>> dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there 
>>> might not be any/one left when I really want it/some. She yells at 
>>> me when we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
>>> I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She 
>>> thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision 
>>> that I want to make, but I was just talking about in general. I 
>>> still collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if 
>>> it's too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy 
>>> anything, even though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a 
>>> month until either event. I do it because I worry that she won't 
>>> like the look of the figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy 
>>> it for me, regardless of how much I want it. Like last Christmas I 
>>> asked for this particular husky, well she didn't buy it for me 
>>> because she said that she didn't like it's face, it was too pointy, 
>>> but the
>>> 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my 
>>> money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
>>> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent, 
>>> so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
>>> Madison 
>>> 
>>> 
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