[BlindTlk] [BlTlk] frustrating home situation

Wed Nov 18 17:16:38 UTC 2020

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On Wed, 18 Nov 2020, Judy Jones via BlindTlk wrote:

> Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2020 07:17:50
> From: Judy Jones via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>,
>     'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] [BlTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> That's all very good, and a good start. Ask to take on more, citing that you'll be leaving home someday and need the experience.
>
> Sounds like what you already do is a good start.
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Madison Martin via BlindTlk
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Date: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 08:55 PM
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> I took some career development courses, but I never actually talked to a career counselor. I dry dishes and empty the dishwasher and vacuum and dust, but I don't do any cooking or laundry, other
> then baking dog treats and taking my basket downstairs.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Judy Jones via BlindTlk
> Sent: November 17, 2020 7:47 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Cc: Judy Jones
> Subject : Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> Wow, that's a luxury in my mind, and glad you had someone
>
> Another thought I had.
>
> When you look back on your high school years, did you ever visit with a career counselor as a junior/senior, who may have indicated a field you could get into, or an area of expertise you would be
> good at where you could earn a living?
>
> I'm also asking only because I don't know. Have you been in volved much or at all in cooking, cleaning, laundry, the things adults do to maintain a home?
>
> Sighted or blind, some get out of high school with none of these experiences. If you need to I would work to get into an orientation training center to get these things done, and, by all means,
> talk to Mary Ellen. Sighted kids don't have the luxury of a center like that where you can get comprehensive independence training, but we blind folks do, especially transition age, in the US
> between the ages of 14 and 24. There is funding for adults transitioning from school into a career. After that, there is very little or none if you are not on the vocational track with an agency.
>
> The other way to succeed is to do it on your own without agency help, which can be done, but harder now than when I was growing up, due to the cost of technology pieces now.
>
> I never had the help of an agency, but the technology of today didn't exist back then, and I had all my braille skills. Everyone, sighted and blind, was familiar with the typewriter, too.
>
> All these things, these moves to independence and schooling, and earning a living can support the dream of dog grooming, keep that dream, but make sure you know how to support it.
>
> Judy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Madison Martin via BlindTlk
> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 4:28 PM
> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> Cc: madd ymartin at mymts.net
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> Yes I went to public school, but I had a consultant who came and taught me Braille, Jaws, mobility, and made sure I had my schoolwork in Braille and helped my teachers. Then she got cancer and had
> to retire and the lady that came wasn't as good.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Ericka via BlindTlk
> Sent: November 17, 2020 6:11 PM
> To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> Cc: Ericka
> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>
> Normally I wouldn't say anything Judy, but when you've been under surgery and then been loopy from medication since Friday that is a big appreciate a complement.
>
> Hang in there Madison. Did you go to public school or did you go to the state school for the blind? I think it does make a difference. Half of me wishes I had gone to the st ate school for the
> blind and half of me is very very grateful I went to public school. I was one of those students who was the first person to be in public school. I realize you're in Canada, not in the states. The
> choice didn't come up until the mid 70s and I was born in 1971. I have a little bit of vision which has changed over the years so I have less than I did when I was in public school. But I do want
> you to know that you can pick up whatever you've missed and move on. I learned Braille, can't travel and those skills that are much harder for a parent to teach later in life. I have worked, been
> married and had a busy volunteer life. Use this time please so that you can B were you want to be at 49 not like me who with limited skills has kind of limited me to career choices. And remember,
> there's always sighted people having some of the same problems you are. Believe it or not there's a lot of parents who don't teach their kids how to cook, clean, or have any expectations for the
> m. Then they go out into the world and think there are the cats meow. How do I know? My ex-husband had lots of academics but none of the street smarts shall we say. He's in the dust and I'm
> keeping him there. My current husband is totally blind, a wonderful caretaker for me with my foot surgery recovery now and wish I had married him instead. When I met him he had vision in only one
> eye and not much over 30 years ago. I guess this is a roundabout way of just stating that if you want to get out of the situation plan carefully. I had great parents. I still fell into the trap of
> marrying somebody cited because I thought it would be easier. O'Brien contract themselves until loving anybody. But what ended up being an abusive situation. You already can see an abusive
> situation so be very careful. Your province might be able to get you some counseling.
>
> Ericka Nelson
>
> > On Nov 17, 2020, at 4:48 PM, Judy Jones via BlindTlk wrote:
> > Very well sa id.
> >
> > Judy
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Ericka via
> > BlindTlk
> > Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:44 PM
> > To: Blind Talk Mailing List
> > Cc: Ericka
> > Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >
> > My community in rural WI didn't either so I moved to a bigger community. If you can't get help from parents what about other family like grandparents or aunties? Maybe you could live with them
> until you can get some services contacted and practice with people who may be more receptive to your steps to independence.
> >
> >
> > We really do care but can't fix the situation, that's your Ljob" right now.
> >
> > Ericka Nelson
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >> On Nov 17, 2020, at 3:20 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk wrote:
> >>
> >> I get driven everywher e, not that I go many places. The main place I
> >> go is to the barn where I ride, it's in the country, so a bus or
> >> paratransit wouldn't take me there.
> >>
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Judy Jones
> >> via BlindTlk
> >> Sent: November 16, 2020 5:27 PM
> >> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
> >> Cc: Judy Jones
> >> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >>
> >> Hi, Madison,
> >>
> >> On a list like this that isn't specific, I don't see any problem in
> >> venting, myself. Of course it would be up to the list owner.
> >>
> >> My very general answer is: When you are out on your own, most of
> >> this will probably square itself out, and the issues that seem so
> >> great now will solve themselves, or be non-issues.
> >>
> >> Now, for the specifics. When I remember being your age, a lo ng time
> >> ago hahaha, I was very anxious to be on my own, not because I didn't
> >> love my folks, but because I was ready.
> >>
> >> I was in school in another town, so that automatically had me out
> >> taking care of myself, buying what I wanted, managing my money.
> >>
> >> At that time, I wasn't working, and mom and dad helped me out each
> >> month with some money. I had worked in the summertimes, but not during college.
> >>
> >> I loved going home on the weekends, but it's strange, once you've
> >> really been out on your own, it's never the same going back.
> >>
> >> It was always nice to visit catch up, enjoy that protective
> >> environment with mom and dad, but always good to leave the nest again.
> >>
> >> I visited the nest less and less, since I got a teaching job straight
> >> out of college in another state, then married and moved across country.
> >>
> >> You haven't left the nest yet, and yo u are an adult, and sounds like
> >> wanting to spread your wings a bit.
> >>
> >> You need work in order to fund that, but until you do have a job,
> >> just curious, do you do your own shopping?
> >>
> >> Do you take bus or Para to go visit friends, shopping, go to a movie,
> >> whatever you like to do?
> >>
> >> I'm thinking that if you are doing things by yourself more and more,
> >> your parents are bound to see your independence, and will maybe work into letting go.
> >>
> >> I know about that, I'm a mom, and one has to work at that as a mom.
> >>
> >> My folks did that very well, but am not saying it is easy for a
> >> parent to do this.
> >>
> >> Can you discuss an allowance from your folks, if you are not already
> >> getting one, then budgeting it for things you want and trips you want to take?
> >>
> >> Judy
> >>
> >>
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: BlindTlk On Behalf Of Madison
> >> Martin via BlindTlk
> >> Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
> >> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
> >> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
> >> Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
> >>
> >> Hi all,
> >> Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent.
> >> I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get
> >> away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest
> >> issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at
> >> each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she
> >> isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and
> >> reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie
> >> and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to
> >> nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already
> >> have two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I
> >> think I should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told
> >> what to do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is
> >> very annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing
> >> our feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about
> >> this stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is the one that needs the most help, but we know that
> she wouldn't go or talk.
> >> I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla
> >> even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right therapist.
> >> There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to
> >> move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think
> >> that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so sure. I
> >> already told you about his issues, and he a lso nags me about stuff
> >> mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go anywhere
> >> so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the less we
> >> shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As
> >> an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when
> >> it comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more
> >> like a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to be.
> >> Makayla would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach
> >> me how to do something. She quite often just says "If you want
> >> something then why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs
> >> me about stuff and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really
> >> bad at just taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes
> >> someone buys something for themselves or for someone else (that's not
> >> her), but she just sees things and assumes she can eat or use them,
> >> when she can't always. If she'd just ask then chances are she could
> >> eat some of or use some of whatever it is, but she doesn't. Dad does this too, not as much though. We made fudge a few months ago, and she ate a few pieces without asking. It had to be kept in
> the fridge so Mom would cut up a few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
> >> Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she
> >> didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the
> >> last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any, not that I would unless it's plain.
> >> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't
> >> really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to
> >> start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it gets to
> >> that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus she's
> >> good at noticing/finding things th at Mom has tried to hide, in particular chocolate.
> >> Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she
> >> says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our
> >> names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this
> >> macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her
> >> own then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
> >> I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a
> >> dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there might
> >> not be any/one left when I really want it/some. She yells at me when
> >> we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
> >> I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She
> >> thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision
> >> that I want to make, but I was just talking a bout in general. I still
> >> collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if it's
> >> too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy anything, even
> >> though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month until either
> >> event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of the
> >> figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless
> >> of how much I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this
> >> particular husky, well she didn't buy it for me because she said that
> >> she didn't like it's face, it was too pointy, but the
> >> 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my
> >> money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
> >> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent,
> >> so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
> >> Madison
> >>
> >>
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> >> m
> >>
> >>
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> >>
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