[BlindTlk] frustrating home situation

Thu Nov 19 18:02:16 UTC 2020

Funny Jude! I just heard your pasta water thinkening tip on Good Eats with Alton Brown yesterday.  Good to know real people do that.

Ericka Nelson

> On Nov 18, 2020, at 11:58 AM, Jude DaShiell via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Only when stoves are turned off.  They can be warm or hot when turned
> on.
> 
> When I learned to do pasta every so often I'd take a piece out as it
> cooked and test it with my teeth.  That way I knew when it was done.  A
> little oil around the inside top of the pot prevented boil overs and you
> don't throw all of the pasta water out if you like thick pasta.  Some of
> that you keep back and mix in to help thicken the pasta or macaroni.
> For my taste, if the macaroni is too thin to use as a weapon in a dire
> emergency, it's too thin.
> 
>> On Wed, 18 Nov 2020, Justin Williams via BlindTlk wrote:
>> 
>> Date: Wed, 18 Nov 2020 12:45:28
>> From: Justin Williams via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Justin Williams <justin.williams2 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> Yes, I agree.and macaroni, I'm just givine another tactic.
>> 
>> I'm also short on all the cool cookware, but I get buy.
>> 
>> Again, just another tactic.
>> 
>> Stoves are cool.
>> 
>> 
>> Justin
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 12:32 PM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> But there are things that you need a stove for, as far as I know, like for instance, cooking a pot of spaghetti.  My friend's family is Italian, and she was never even allowed to learn to fill the pot with water and put it on to boil, put the macaroni in it, and stand over it stirring until it's done.
>> Pam.
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Justin Williams via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:34 AM
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>> Cc: Justin Williams
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> I've  used the stove myself, and can do so when I want.  It's not my favorite thing to do.
>> I love the oven!
>> 
>> Love it!
>> I use the crock pot, a blender, toaster, a bullet, and other kitchen appliances I bought for mixing health shakes.
>> I can use the stove, but I find it more annoying then not because I'me not someone who wants to stand there and cook.
>> 
>> But, I can do it.  I am willing to adjust my routeen to not have to, and I eat for health, but, I can do it.
>> 
>> You can also by an instapot and or a toster oven to cook things as well.
>> 
>> There are a lot of ways to do things independently.
>> 
>> You don't have to use a stove, but you can and do so rather well if necessary.
>> 
>> I 2012, a woman who was blind one shef of the year.
>> 
>> Justin
>> 
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk [mailto:blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Pamela Dominguez via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Wednesday, November 18, 2020 10:23 AM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Pamela Dominguez <pammygirl99 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> Now, here's something I have never understood.  The friend I mentioned who was never allowed to learn how to use the stove or the oven, had a sister who was alive, then, who had a bad back.  Virginia had to get out the pans and bowls and stuff for her because her sister couldn't doo all the reaching and bending.  So,she had to get the stuff out, get the ingredients out, put the pan in the oven take the pan out of the oven.  I said to her:  "You've done everything but actually make the food."  When her sister was going into the hospital, she taught her brother how to make all the food, not Virginia.
>> So now, her brother makes everything.  I remember she said, when their mother died,  "Now that she can't say anything about it, you can teach me
>> how to cook."   Her sister said:  "No, just keep doing things the way you
>> have been".  She can just make coffee, make sandwiches, use the toaster oven and the microwave that has a few markings on it.  And she didn't learn any of that stuff until they had to teach her because people started being sick, and not being able to be home, so she would be alone.  Not a good way to do stuff at all!  Pam.
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Judy Jones via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 9:04 PM
>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List'
>> Cc: Judy Jones
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> Hi, Ericka and Madison,
>> 
>> My sister was older, but we had our chores.
>> 
>> She went off to college when I was twelve, and we were living overseas.
>> 
>> Mom also had a bad back, so I took on many of the chores around the house, and Dad took on the rest.
>> 
>> Mom was healthy and in every other respect very capable, but couldn't strain the back, so I did any of the heavier lifting like carrying groceries from the car, mopping and buffing the kitchen floor and shared the vacuuming with dad.
>> 
>> I also did the dusting and did windows, and around age sixteen, started doing a lot of the cooking, as mom went back to school.  From then on, we would always take turns cooking and cleaning up.
>> 
>> Judy
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Ericka via BlindTlk
>> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 5:03 PM
>> To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>> Cc: Ericka <dotwriter1 at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>> 
>> I?m the oldest of three kids. And the only one with a disability. I was plenty responsible for my younger sisters. Every vacation break I was mom, housekeeper, entertainer and more. Once all three of us were in school Nighttime stories and putnighttime stories and put her to bed because I was willing to read the book she loved over and over plus I did voice is for the characters. mom went back to work. Three months was a long time to keep them from getting into trouble. I?m grateful my younger siblings are both girls.
>> At least I didn?t have to do anything like change boys diapers. I did get to help with my sisters when they were babies. It was kind of cool to do that.
>> My baby sister always loved it when I read
>> 
>> 
>> Totally apologize if something went nuts here. My finger touch the screen and when you?re in mid dictate you don?t realize that he interfered. LOL
>> 
>> apologize fo
>> Ericka Nelson
>> 
>>> On Nov 17, 2020, at 6:32 PM, Madison Martin via BlindTlk
>>> <blindtlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> 
>>> I didn't think you did. I never really had to help her with anything
>>> though.
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
>>> via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: November 17, 2020 6:06 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Correct, and I don't mean that at all negatively.
>>> 
>>> I'm guessing with that age difference, you may have been responsible
>>> for her at times when growing up.
>>> 
>>> My sister is five-and-a-half years older than I am.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Judy
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
>>> Martin via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 3:49 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> By acting like an adult you mean?
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
>>> via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: November 17, 2020 5:00 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> O my goodness!  You should be setting the example then.
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
>>> Martin via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:56 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Yes I'm the oldest, by 6 years.
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
>>> via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: November 17, 2020 4:46 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> I was just trying to think of things.
>>> 
>>> It really would be worth talking to them.
>>> 
>>> By chance, are you the oldest?
>>> 
>>> I can tell you that having been a parent, sometimes, with the oldest,
>>> parents are still going through firsts.  The first to graduate from
>>> high school, etc.
>>> They're growing along with their older children, so if you are the
>>> eldest, you can set the tone, it's almost an advantage for you.
>>> 
>>> You've hit milestones of graduating from high school and becoming an
>>> adult, so you will have to help them along with that, too.
>>> 
>>> Judy
>>> 
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
>>> Martin via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 2:38 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Mom does all the cleaning except for vacuuming which Dad does. Dad
>>> does all the cooking. I'm a picky eater so I don't generally eat Dad
>>> cooks.
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
>>> via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: November 17, 2020 4:15 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Hi, Madison,
>>> 
>>> First of all, I'm sure we're all behind you on this list.
>>> 
>>> One thing I have seen in common from your responses on this list and
>>> others, that when suggestions are given, they are summarily rejected.
>>> 
>>> Granted, we're not in your living situation, but you need to start
>>> thinking like a problem-solver.  If any of our suggestions aren't
>>> working for you, then you will have to come up with your own solutions
>>> that will work for you.
>>> 
>>> Take the problems out of the way.  You'll have to be your own
>>> problem-solver, that is what we all have had to learn to do in order
>>> to make it in life.
>>> 
>>> you would need to persuade your folks by your actions maybe at first,
>>> if not by your words.  Examples.  Take on more of the cooking, or cook
>>> for yourself.  Do more of the household chores, take on more personal
>>> grooming and schedule para to go out, or anything else you can do to
>>> show them the adult you are.
>>> 
>>> You've basically had a two year "break" from high school, so you
>>> should seriously look at ways of becoming more independent, and now.
>>> 
>>> Talk to a CNIB counselor, talk to Mary Ellen, I can send you her
>>> information again if you need it, but get some support for what you
>>> are trying to do.
>>> You are going to have to use the resources available.  If you need it,
>>> get yourself into a center for daily living skills to equip you to be
>>> out on your own.  You've got to do this for you.
>>> 
>>> Another thing a VR counselor can do is give you an interest test that
>>> may bring out some surprising positive results of interests you have
>>> you didn't realize, and can move forward with plans for your life and
>>> moving forward.
>>> 
>>> It sounds like stuck at home is getting to you, and that will not
>>> change unless you take control of your situation yourself.  If any of
>>> us could wave a wand and make it happen for you, I'm sure we would
>>> love to, we all want to see our blind brothers and sisters succeed.
>>> 
>>> We're here to advise and help, but you have to do the work.
>>> 
>>> You have a golden time window, being a couple years out of high
>>> school, but the older you get, the harder it will be to pick up the
>>> reins of your life again, you've got to make it happen for yourself
>>> and get people behind you to support you, and this list will support
>>> you inasmuch as a listserv can.
>>> 
>>> Judy
>>> 
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
>>> Martin via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: Tuesday, November 17, 2020 1:18 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> I'm not sure they'd listen to me, or at least not Mom.
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Judy Jones
>>> via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: November 16, 2020 5:36 PM
>>> To: 'Blind Talk Mailing List' <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: Judy Jones <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Another thought.
>>> 
>>> Can you sit down with your folks, and discuss your need for more
>>> independence, a possible modest allowance, if you don't already have one?
>>> Your need to have your own things be yours?
>>> 
>>> For about three years, our older daughter came back to the "nest," for
>>> about five years until she got married in 2015.
>>> 
>>> Chris was newly retired then, I was starting back to work, and Jada
>>> had her own job.  Of course we would have provided groceries for her,
>>> had she needed that, but she got work right away.
>>> 
>>> We would share our groceries with her, and she shared some of hers
>>> with us, but we would check with each other before we ate.
>>> 
>>> We also would eat sometimes at different times.  Jada, of course,
>>> could use the kitchen any time she liked anyway.
>>> 
>>> One time we were talking about this, and our relationship with her at
>>> that time was more like housemates.
>>> 
>>> We all had our own schedules, our own errands, our own things we did,
>>> but we also enjoyed each other's company.
>>> 
>>> When trying to explain this to our younger daughter, it was hard for
>>> her to understand, because the last time she was living with us was as
>>> a minor.
>>> She started fulltime work at age eighteen, had her own place, and kept
>>> that job until she was 25.  She married at 27, and is now 30, hard to
>>> believe.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Judy
>>> 
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Madison
>>> Martin via BlindTlk
>>> Sent: Monday, November 16, 2020 3:01 PM
>>> To: blindtlk at nfbnet.org
>>> Cc: maddymartin at mymts.net
>>> Subject: [BlindTlk] frustrating home situation
>>> 
>>> Hi all,
>>> Hope this is okay to talk about hear, I just really need to vent.
>>> I forgot to say that Dad and I went out for super on Saturday to get
>>> away from the craziness. Plus I don't eat pizza. Makayla's biggest
>>> issue is that her and Mom are too much a like, so they're always at
>>> each other and she thinks that Mom is always mad at her when she
>>> isn't. Dad takes anti-depressant meds, but I think he watches and
>>> reads way too much news. I also think he drinks way too much coffie
>>> and alcohol, and he also needs to lose weight. Makayla also likes to
>>> nag me about stuff that Mom and Dad don't bug me about, I already have
>>> two parents I don't want or need a third. I'm an adult so I think I
>>> should be allowed to make my own decisions and not get told what to
>>> do. Mom also loves to be in control all the time which is very
>>> annoying. None of us are very good at talking about and sharing our
>>> feelings, if we were a normal family then we could talk about this
>>> stuff, but we aren't. I know that a therapist can't necessarily solve
>>> our problems, but hopefully they could give us ways to cope. Mom is
>>> the one that needs the most help, but we know that she wouldn't go or
>>> talk.
>>> I don't know that Mom would ever join us, and I don't know if Makayla
>>> even wants to go. I'd consider it, but only if we found the right
>>> therapist.
>>> There are many I'm sure, but they're not all the same. I'd love to
>>> move out, but I don't think I want to live by myself. I used to think
>>> that Dad and I should go live together, but now I'm not so sure. I
>>> already told you about his issues, and he also nags me about stuff
>>> mainly personal hygiene stuff, mainly showiering. I don't go anywhere
>>> so I really don't care how I look or if I smell. Plus the less we
>>> shower the less water we use, and the less product we have to buy. As
>>> an adult, should I not be allowed to make my own decsions even when it
>>> comes to personal hygiene? Sometimes I feel like I'm treated more like
>>> a kid then the adult that I am and should be allowed to be. Makayla
>>> would probably just yell at me, she wouldn't actually teach me how to
>>> do something. She quite often just says "If you want something then
>>> why not just learn to do it yourself." She also bugs me about stuff
>>> and tells me what to do too. She's also gotten really bad at just
>>> taking things without asking, mainly food. Sometimes someone buys
>>> something for themselves or for someone else (that's not her), but she
>>> just sees things and assumes she can eat or use them, when she can't
>>> always. If she'd just ask then chances are she could eat some of or
>>> use some of whatever it is, but she doesn't. Dad does this too, not as
>>> much though. We made fudge a few months ago, and she ate a few pieces
>>> without asking. It had to be kept in the fridge so Mom would cut up a
>>> few pieces and put them out to warm up a bit.
>>> Now if we make it again she's not allowed to have any because she
>>> didn't ask the first time, she blew it. What's fair is fair. Plus the
>>> last few times she's made stuff she hasn't asked me if I'd like any,
>>> not that I would unless it's plain.
>>> It's just annoying when Mom or Dad buys me something and then I don't
>>> really get any because she's eaten it. Dad says I'm going to have to
>>> start hiding stuff in my room, which would be weird, if it gets to
>>> that then I think we have a real problem on our hands. Plus she's good
>>> at noticing/finding things that Mom has tried to hide, in particular
>>> chocolate.
>>> Mom isn't always good at sharing either, but I just ask and if she
>>> says no then I don't touch it. We might have to start putting our
>>> names on things, which Makayla did yesterday, when she got this
>>> macaronie dinner from Sobeys, which I didn't get. If she wants her own
>>> then that's fine, but I like them too, so I should've gotten one too.
>>> I've learned that if someone gets something for me, whether it's a
>>> dinner or snack stuff I have to eat it right away or else there might
>>> not be any/one left when I really want it/some.  She yells at me when
>>> we're doing dishes because apparently I don't dry them right. Now I
>>> just wait for her to finish washing and then I dry.
>>> I've tried talking to Mom, but that didn't really work/help. She
>>> thought that I was talking about some particular time or decision that
>>> I want to make, but I was just talking about in general. I still
>>> collect animal figurenes, and she has this weird thing that if it's
>>> too close to my birthday or Christmas then I can't buy anything, even
>>> though when I'm looking at stuff it usually over a month until either
>>> event. I do it because I worry that she won't like the look of the
>>> figurine that I'm asking for so she won't buy it for me, regardless of
>>> how much I want it. Like last Christmas I asked for this particular
>>> husky, well she didn't buy it for me because she said that she didn't
>>> like it's face, it was too pointy, but the
>>> 2 that she got me looked way more like wolves then huskies. It's my
>>> money, should I not be allowed to spend it when and how I want?
>>> Any thoughts/suggestions? Like I said, I just really needed to vent,
>>> so if no one answers then that's fine. Thanks for letting me do it anyway.
>>> Madison
>>> 
>>> 
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