[BlindTlk] vent about my sister

Tue Mar 9 20:04:51 UTC 2021

She's 14 and I'm 21. No they haven't and no she isn't. We've tried asking her to
say the same thing nicely, but she hasn't listened so far. I don't think she has
any mental health issues. We've never had the best relationship, but I'd say the
last couple of years that it's been happening, this past year for sure. 

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Lauren Merryfield via
BlindTlk
Sent: March 9, 2021 1:17 PM
To: Blind Talk Mailing List <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Lauren Merryfield <lauren7877 at outlook.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] vent about my sister

Hi Madison,
My professional suggestions might be rusty, but here goes:
Some random thoughts and questions to your family issues:

First of all, you did not mention your blindness and your family's response to
it.

How old is your sister? 

You mentioned that she is six years older than you but her age is important. 

When and how long did she start doing this kind of behavior?

 Is there a reason your family has allowed this to go on?

 it certainly does sound like a self-esteem issue possibly for both of you or
your entire family.

Your family might consider the following points:

retaliating would not help any of you at all.

Disrespect toward, and abuse to your cats should not be allowed.

  Ignoring the bullying behavior.

Asking her what is hurting her 

Telling her you love her, no matter what she says 

 Asking her if there is a different way she could say the same thing;

 asking her to do so might help.

 Your family  might need to engage in these types of behavior toward your sister
repeatedly.  

It could be that your parents could also practice these ways of responding to
your sister's rudeness. 

It sounds like she is hungry for attention, which, coming from the rest of your
family,  needs to be positive but firm. 

 Your parents could find out if she is being bullied at school.

They could see if any staff members have observed her misbehaving in some way at
school.

 Have your parents talked to any of the staff at the school?

 Has she seen the school counselor?

Have your parents made sure that your sister is seeing the school counselor?

If your sister is out of school, are any of these issues occurring at work or
whatever she is engaged in currently?

If she is still at home, could she get her own apartment? 

Respect, or lack thereof, in your family, seems to be an important term in these
issues:

 self respect or lack of it

 disrespect for the rest of you, including the cats.

Disrespect for her from the rest of your family could be bringing her down.

One can dislike the behavior, but love the person. 
This is very important.

Separating those two issues could be difficult for your family to accomplish. 

If she is still living with her parents, which it sounds like, then the parents
need to be parents.

Family dynamics are probably contributing to this behavioral issue. 

 Possibly your parents could find a good family therapist who could help all of
your family members. 

If she misbehaves in therapy, the therapist would notice. 

Is there a possibility of mental health issues?

 Could she be put on any medication that might calm her down or help with
depression or any issues like that she may have?

 A psychiatrist might be able to figure that out.

 Someone who is untreated can have issues they don't totally have control of.

.......

Blessings,
Lauren

"What a power is love! It is the most wonderful, the greatest of all living
powers. Love gives life to the lifeless. Love lights a flame in the heart that
is cold.Love brings hope to the hopeless and gladdens the hearts of the
sorrowful. In the world of existence there is indeed no greater power than the
power of love." Abdu'l-Baha

-----Original Message-----
From: BlindTlk <blindtlk-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Jude DaShiell via
BlindTlk
Sent: Tuesday, March 9, 2021 10:07 AM
To: Madison Martin via BlindTlk <blindtlk at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Jude DaShiell <jdashiel at panix.com>
Subject: Re: [BlindTlk] vent about my sister

You're playing her game.  Indefinite ostracism is likely the only way to handle
this problem child.

On Tue, 9 Mar 2021, Madison Martin via BlindTlk wrote:

> Hi all,
> Sorry, but I just really need to get this all out, as it's really been 
> bothering me.
>
> First of all I should tell you that my sister and I are 6 years apart 
> and have never had the same interests so therefore our relationship 
> has never been that grate. Lately things have gotten worse though. 
> She's taken to bullying me. She tells me to shut up, says I'm annoying and
sensitive, none of which are true.
> She also says that no one cares about my opinion. She also likes to 
> say, "are you dumb or you  stupid?" and "I'm not being rude I'm just 
> being honest," when in truth she is being rude and she knows full-well 
> that it is. I've tried giving her a taste of her own medicine (not as 
> rudely of course), but that didn't work as she just mocked me. She's 
> also become a real potty-mouth which drives us all nuts. We can't even 
> have a family meeting because she won't let the rest of us talk, she 
> just thinks that she's right and that we're the problem. She also does 
> this thing where she breathes in deeply holds it and then lets it out, 
> it sounds like she's having an assma attack or dying. She thinks it's 
> cool, but really it just sounds absolutely horrible and is extremely 
> annoying. She also loves to bother our cats, especially our youngest 
> one Charlie, by blowing in their faces, touching their paws, chasing 
> them, and picking them up when they don't want to be held. Because of 
> this Charlie gets very defensive when we pet him or try and move him 
> and he's also not as affectionate as he might have been. Also, Rosie 
> our middle cat is very skittish and gets scared so easily, it's sad. I 
> think she feels that she doesn't get treated fairly and that I never 
> get punished for anything which isn't true at all. She also feels like 
> we don't listen to her which isn't true at all, we do, she just isn't always
right. She also calls us loosers, and criticizes me or at least questions me
about just about everything that I either do or don't do.
> She seems to have a tendency to not remember things how they actually 
> happened and stretch the truth, and she also lies.
> She's not very empathetic, Mom and Dad have to make her apologize for 
> being mean to me, and she never sounds sincere. She also has 
> self-esteem issues, she thinks she's ugly when she really isn't. I 
> worry that she's being bullied at school, and is therefor lashing out. 
> Mom has asked her, but she's said no, but as I said she's been known 
> to lie. I also worry about how her and her friends treat each other, 
> some of them aren't the nicest people. She just has an all-around 
> crappy attitude. Dad and I have talked about going to therapy and 
> she'd be the main topic which would be fine, but I worry that a 
> therapist might not be able to help us/her, especially since I know 
> she wouldn't listen/talk to them she'd probably just say that we're 
> the problem. Anyway, I know that you  can't do anything, but I just 
> really needed to get this all out, as I'm really getting very fed up 
> with her and living with someone who treats me and Mom and Dad the way 
> she does. If you read this far then thanks for reading, Madison
>
>
>
>
>
>
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