[blparent] Teaching Kids Manners

Tue Nov 4 16:11:31 UTC 2008

Because my children have such cognitive delays, we have no even throw their 
culture into the mix.  They wouldn't understand about people not liking them 
because they are Chinese.  We did have some problems in preschool with that. 
They smelled different because they love garlic and the teachers though if I 
bathed them more it would go away.  They have very sensitive skin so that is 
impossible because they hate the feel of lotion.
There are lots of families in our area who have adopted Chinese children so 
most folks don't even think twice when they see us.
We tried keeping the few words Paul knew but they have fallen by the 
wayside.  We talk openly about the fact they were adopted.
Barbara

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From: <kate02 at bellsouth.net>
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 10:58 AM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Teaching Kids Manners

> Hi.
>
> I think Lyn is on to some thing here.  But I would like to add some thing. 
> Adoptive parents should definitely make their concerns known and I also 
> think those of us with Multi racial children should voice our concerns as 
> well.  Though our children are biological, we share more issues with those 
> who adopt either in the US, Internationally, and trans racially then we 
> may realize.
>
> I know for myself that I would be interested in hearing how other blind 
> parents of Multi racial children and trans racially adopted children find 
> up to date information regarding interracial families, and how they 
> decided things like helping their children either understand there mixed 
> heritage, or why they made the decision to raze there children with an 
> American identity leaving race and culture out of the combination.
>
> I think its easy to just look at how your going to feed a baby when you 
> can’t see its mouth, but what about social issues.  Like being able to 
> decipher if the person who ignored you in the restaurant did so because of 
> not understanding blindness, or staying away from you because their 
> offended by the make up of your children.
>
> In all seriousness, this could be a topic that is not only helpful, it 
> could maybe give insight to those who may have infants and never really 
> thought about it.
>
> Just a thought.
>
> Kate
>
> -------------- Original message ----------------------
> From: LynnZ <lynn at aeonaccess.com>
>>
>> I don't know if there is a point to saying this here, as it's not a
>> list for teachers or school administrators, but  I would  suggest
>> that there is nothing inherently problematic with requiring certain
>> protocol in a classroom. If a teacher feels more comfortable having
>> the kids always say please and thank you then that is a fine thing to
>> ask.  The way to do it, though, is to simply state that these are the
>> rules for this classroom. Yes, teachers are there to teach math and
>> geography but to do so, they need to be able to teach. classroom
>> teaching is a difficult job and does require establishing some kind
>> of environment that works for the teacher as much as for the kids. As
>> long as you stay away from protocol that would cause any group to
>> violate their beliefs or cultural norms. Like, stay away from
>> protocol that involve requirements to cover or uncover one's head,
>> make or avoid eye contact, or mention or abstain from mentioning a
>> deity, etc. I think the problem comes in making statements like"this
>> is how we act in America" or "in polite society" or other
>> generalizations. In other words, don't generalize or put value
>> statements on it.
>>
>> I also feel ruffled by the implication that one culture is "American"
>> culture. When people start saying that, they seem to mean "light
>> skinned Protestant Christian immigrants from Northern Europe and/or
>> their descendents". That group is not the first, nor is it even the
>> majority if that matters. If you are part of that group and have been
>> loudly proclaiming your own cultural norms as :American", you might
>> want to ask yourself why, exactly, you feel you can claim that
>> distinction. A note on that example that is floating around - an
>> Orthodox Jew would never walk up to  anyone and grab the pork chop
>> out of their hands, especially not if they are not Jewish. That would
>> be considered stealing under Jewish law and would be prohibited.
>> Forcing Jewish practices on non-Jews is also prohibited under Jewish
>> law. Other cultures have similar divisions between rules for insiders
>> versus outsiders. And there are some religions that do believe they
>> are required to try to get others to take on their beliefs. notably
>> some forms of Christianity. But just because you believe God wants
>> you to do so, doesn't make your way either the  norm nor the American 
>> way.
>>
>>
>> Every society has it's problems and I'm not saying it is the perfect
>> model, but I had a really interesting visit to Malaysia six or seven
>> years ago where I saw some very interesting adaptations to living in
>> a multi-cultural society. Malaysia has three strong cultures - the
>> Malays who are Moslems, Chinese, and Indians who seem to be primarily
>> HIndu, as well as the smaller indigenous groups and  some European
>> Christians. They talk about the cultural contrasts a lot and it is
>> not unusual to be sitting at a table where Moslems are eating with
>> forks and spoons - no knives because there is some kind of taboo
>> against knives on the table, Chinese people are eating with
>> chopsticks and Indians are eating with their hands.  On religious or
>> cultural holidays for one group, it has become the practice to hold
>> open houses for people from the other groups. This is done at every
>> level of society. For example, I was there for Chinese New
>> Year.  There was a big celebration open to the public where Chinese
>> officials hosted everyone to entertainment and a sit-down meal
>> and  Individual Chinese people also had small open houses for their
>> non-Chinese friends. I also know there are significant cultural
>> tensions in Malaysia, but I thought the amount of communication
>> around these issues that went and even the amount of knowledge each
>> group showed about the others when talking to me, the  foreigner, was
>> something we could do well to emulate.
>>
>> The role all this plays in parenting is probably less relevant on
>> this list, but many of us do parent via adoption and for many of us
>> that means parenting kids who come from different cultures than we
>> do. For some it means parenting children they bring into their homes
>> from another country. In the US that can often mean bringing the
>> child into a place where his or her culture doesn't exist or is not
>> respected.  Everything we do as blind people where there is so much
>> we don't' have decent access to and so many places and situations
>> where we are already marginalized, interacts with  the way we parent,
>> especially in areas where we are dealing with how others relate to
>> our children, situations where we may need to advocate for them,
>> situations where they themselves are marginalized, etc. These
>> subjects aren't coming up on this list which seems to be
>> predominately made up of biological parents parenting babies and
>> young children, but the topic definitely has relevance to some forms
>> of blind parenting.
>>
>> Lynn
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>
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>
>
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