[blparent] Question about adopting

[Lynn Zelvin]

I'll weigh in although when I set about adopting from foster care in 
the US, I entered the system only interested in adopting older 
children or teens. So that "how will you care for a baby issue" 
didn't come up.

I have some vision and I didn't talk about it so they probably 
assumed I am totally blind. In fact, I didn't talk about 
my  blindness at all except where I felt it belonged. In the 
paperwork I filled out there were questions like whether I had 
experienced difficulties in school myself  and I had because nobody 
at my school had dealt with my blindness and I was basically on my 
own to blunder through.   And I mentioned my guide dog when I had to 
list pets in the home. I went in confident because I was. I was also 
clear in my own mind that I wasn't going to fight this one out - that 
I felt like I was too old for a prolonged battle and I  intended to 
follow my plans B and C if my first path seemed to not be working out.

My first daughter was already 18 when she came to me, yet when my 
foster recertification needed to be done, I was certified to take up 
to three children of any age. I have another older teen now, not 
because I was turned down for a younger child but because that just 
seems to be my path at present.
\
I get in trouble in some places, including this list <smile> for some 
of the hard edges I've accumulated over the years. I'm tired and 
frustrated with this nonsense. But somehow in this situation, the 
attitude worked. Probably twenty years ago I would have patiently 
educated about my abilities. I would have ben nervous and probably 
would have offered the worker coffee and spilled the coffee and 
dropped and shattered the cup.

But not now. The line I had on the tip of my tongue was "you don't 
parent with your eyeballs" and it sat there through my home study 
never getting used while I calmly joked around with the worker. 
Another one sitting in my head was "I'm talking about parenting some 
of your hardest kids that nobody else wants and you are interested in 
my retinas?" That one also didn't get used. I can't really recommend 
my own approach. I don't know if it would have worked if it hadn't 
been 100% genuine.  You certainly sound like someone who has a right 
to more confidence than I ever had. If I had to guess what other 
suggestions have been made that I think might have been helpful if I 
had run into trouble, I do think that more stories from successful 
blind parents might be a good idea. If you can't find any live ones, 
how about asking for names and phone numbers and photos from the ones 
you can find - people who would be willing to answer questions, but 
also the photos - Johnny in his blind father's arms, then a picture 
of the same Johnny with his arm around dad the day he got his 
PhD.  And some way to get a sense of humor about it.   I'm not always 
great on that sense of humor part and that also is important 
throughout your process and beyond. Thinking about it, maybe what we 
need is a web site with photo albums like that which anyone can point to.


A couple of perhaps useful pieces of information:
There is a small low traffic  email list specifically for people who 
have or may be interested in adopting blind children and information 
about available kids is sometimes posted there.
to subscribe, send a blank message to:
adoptedblindkids-subscribe at yahoogroups.com

There is a somewhat more active list for disabled adoptive parents, 
and many people with other disabilities face similar obstacles on the 
path to adoption. There are people on the list who seem to know about 
which countries are accepting of parents with which disabilities and 
things like that. there is one overseas adoption worker who posts 
info about available babies and children to that list and who seems 
to be particularly interested in finding blind parents for these 
kids. If you write me off-list I'll pass along her info.
to subscribe send a blank message to:
disabledadoptiveparents-subscribe at yahoogroups.com


Although it is a US organization, you might find it useful to contact 
Through The Looking Glass which is an organization serving families 
with disabilities. They state that they offer consultation for 
parents on various issues including adoption.Their web site is at:
http://lookingglass.org/parents/

hth

Lynn