[blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for boys

[Rhonda Scott]

I haven't said a thing about how I know he does things, but I do present 
evidence I find lately. He is very adamant that he didn't do it when 
confronted with something, even when the proof is there. So I think my spy 
tactics are a good plan, without letting him know I'm spying in various 
ways. And physical evidence I find, like food, wrappers, etc., I can maybe 
show to him when he lies about doing it. So baby monitor here we come. But 
barking cookie jar, he would know to just take out the batteries after the 
first couple of times.

Kids are way smarter than many adults give them credit for.

Rhonda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Eileen Levin" <eileenlevin at comcast.net>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, December 13, 2009 2:13 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for 
boys


Actually, I was going to recommend that as a parent in charge you avoid
giving away your secrets for keeping tabs on him. It's important for him to
know that you know but I find it very helpful if my son has no clue how I
figured it out.
Yeah parenting is nothing like playing with kids at a party. I thought I
knew all about the parenting gig because of my two younger sisters. It took
about one day to realize that my new born son was going to fill me with a
million terrors and anxieties that never crossed my mind with my younger
sisters. It's so different being totally responsible for this other life and
yet having precious little power to control his or her actions on a moment
to moment basis. Sigh

Welcome to parenting. It has it's rewards when you start getting into a
rhythm with each other. Kind of like marriage I guess.
Eileen

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 6:59 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
boys

My husband, Deven's biological father, is very reassuring to me that a lot
of what Deven does is typical boy/child behavior. I do believe that, but
we've had some episodes that left me feeling frustrated and angry, so they
are hard for me, as someone who has no children of my own until now, to
forgive and trust. It's nice to be reassured by you that it is all families,

be the kids step children or otherwise. I feel like such a tyrant sometimes
calling him on things he did, but I know it's necessary for me to do that to

take control of situations. I'm working on staying calm and handling the
incidents matter of factly when dealing with consequences of his actions. I
like to have my facts in order, and present them to Deven when I know he has

done something he denies, or claims to have forgotten about, then explain to

him how I know he did the thing, and that he's lying about it.

Rhonda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Eileen Levin" <eileenlevin at comcast.net>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 4:47 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
boys


The baby monitor sounds like a great idea. My sons have had good parenting
and they never hesitate to do whatever they want as soon as they think no
one is looking.

If you have the money there are companies that will install camera secretly
for monitoring purposes.


Trust is something that takes time. I have to admit I don't trust anything
that come out of my kids. First they are kids and seldom give me a complete
story. Second they either don't remember or choose to forget things that
seem quite important to me as the parent. LOL I feel boys are more difficult
in this because they aren't as talkative as girls generally.
Take care,
Eileen

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 11:37 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for
boys

It is challenging. There are a lot of elements here to explain why. Some of
what he does is what any kid would do, but I confess I have a hard time
letting go when something major happens, so trust is difficult and my guard
is up. I'm step mom, real mom treated him badly. So I don't think Deven yet
realizes what good parenting is.

We have considered a good baby monitor because our business is out back and
I'm there a lot, with him inside watching TV when it's cold. Perfect
opportunity to not follow rules. He can pull things over on us then, but we
want to let him know it doesn't happen often. I think by showing him we know

about things he thinks he got away with, he might see we aren't easily
fooled.

As for me, there are things I need to work on about myself, like not always
feeling suspicious of him unless I see reasons to be. It's exhausting to
always be looking for the wrongs and not the positives.

Thank you much for your ideas, they're good ones.

Rhonda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Eileen Levin" <eileenlevin at comcast.net>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 10:37 AM
Subject: [blparent] regaining parental control was RE: fun stuff for boys


Buy only parachute clothing or corduroy so he makes noise everytime he
moves. Pad locks, a barking cookie jar, keep important items in your bed
room and make it completely off limits to him. Do what ever it takes to
regain parental control. Even if you had sight this little boy sounds like a
handful and a challenge.
Take care,
Eileen

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 11:31 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys

Deven is not all that inquisitive or observant like your girl is. He has an
attention disorder. But if he really enjoys something, he will learn about
it to a point, or want to do the activity consistently. He does tell his
friends that both his parents have "fake" eyes though, and they find that
cool and tell him he's making it up about his dad having them, because they
can tell with me, but not with his dad's.

The sorts of things I'm talking of are not always good. He will move things
from where we have them so we can find them easily; keys, my husband's
tools, my office supplies. He will take candy and food without asking, or if

we tell him no when he wants it, if dinner is close to being served. He has
a healthy environment with us now, but did not come from 1 when he lived
with his biological mom. So we are working on helping him feel secure, be
honest, not exaggerate things that happen, and know that we love and accept
him for who he is, not someone he thinks he needs to say he is. If all of
that makes sense.

He's very smart when he feels like applying himself. But he gives up on the
things that challenge him. When he's good at something like a sport or a
game, he is overly competitive, to the point of becoming frustrated and
sometimes angry if he loses. So it's going to take time and work from all of

us to build him up. I think family time together will help with that.

Rhonda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (IS)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at ngc.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 10:17 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys


Ronda,
He may not care how well you thro a ball or frisby, he may just want the
time with you. I wasn't the truck playing type until my daughter
discovered them and really likes it. So now we play trucks together.
Will I ever like it as much as she does, probably not. Still, I enjoy
the time with her and it's fun seeing how her mind works.
Maybe you could ask him to help you throw and he'd probably like that
because even if you never do it well, you're showing him that you care
about him, and that you value what he knows, and we all like that.  My
daughter is into puzzles, the kind where you have a picture and you have
to make the pieces be like the picture. She loves to "help you make
puzzle Mommy!". She's so serious about it too, that I think we have a
future teacher or something.
I'm curious, what stuff does he do thinking you won't notice? My little
girl has begun asking about my eyes. She asked me if the doctor could
fix Mommy's eyes, then if batteries could do it, and then if Daddy could
do it. We then started talking about foods, and she told me she didn't
like carrots and I said "Carrots are good for your eyes" and she said
"my eyes not broken Mommy, you eyes broken!".

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On Behalf Of Rhonda Scott
Sent: Thursday, December 10, 2009 6:40 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys

It does feel complicated. I have a similar situation with our 10 year
old.
He loves war games and anything to do with computer games, TV, Wii, PS2
and
movies. It's difficult to keep his attention, but he says often how he
would
like to spend time doing things with us. So we're trying to find things
that
are interactive, will pull him away from video games and TV, but will
also
hold his attention. All you can do is keep trying, and share your
frustrations with others who understand them. That's where I'm at right
now
too.

Deven likes things for a short time, has a lot of broken toys he played
too
rough with. That's frustrating too because I have problems buying him
new
things when I'm afraid he will destroy them, whether on accident or on
purpose. Kids like expensive things now, so it's hard to justify
spending if
it will be broken in a week or 2, plus it hurts our feelings, frustrates
us
and makes us angry. But I think there are answers and solutions, we just

need to find them somewhere, somehow.

I really want to show Deven that the blindness thing is not a huge
obstacle
in terms of parenting him. All kids will test, and I find myself paying
close attention to him because he tries to test often, doing things he
thinks we won't notice. I want to interact with him more, but I am not
the
ball playing type, and I can't throw a frisbee worth beans. I think it's

important for us, here, to show him we are parents, not blind parents,
if
that makes sense. But I have turned this into a completely different
topic,
I see. LOL

Rhonda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Allison (NFBA)" <nfbarizona at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, December 10, 2009 4:26 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] fun stuff for boys


Thanks all for suggestions.

Are the nurf balls still fun (and safe) for us to play with if they
don't
have bells in them?  Has anyone tried this?

I'll check out the discovery toys link.  Does anyone have specific
suggestions in terms of discovery toys?  I feel a little overwhelmed by
all
the choices.  Also I need something fairly high action to hold the
little
guy's interest.  He's used to the fast-paced nature of World of Warcraft
and
Wii games.  He's a smart kid though.  Grade level in reading and a grade
ahead in math.

We do have Braille cards that we play Go Fish and War with.  He loves Go
Fish.  We have Uno too but he gets bored quickly with that because the
games
can run so long.  We also have the Freeze-up talking category game that
he
loved for like a week and now never looks at.  *sigh*.  This feels so
complicated.

Thanks again,
Allison


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Veronica Smith" <madison_tewe at spinn.net>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, December 09, 2009 7:35 PM
Subject: [blparent] fun stuff for boys


>I was at Walmart today and scooping out the toy section and saw some
really
> cool stuff that an 8 year old would love.
> Fur Real Friends had a dinosaur.  You put your hand or finger in its
mough
> and it bites down on you and makes a sound like it is eating your
hand.
> They also had dogs and cats, monkeys and other critters.
> They have Nerf balls and basketball rims and of course my absolute
> favorite
> Hot Wheel sets.  These are all the things I love to play with, with
Gab.
> You can be sighted or blind and have a great time with your
imagination.
> Alison, you can also buy regular playing cars that are Braille and
play
> games like Go Fish, Crazy Eights and of course War.
> V
>
>
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