[blparent] Help
Jennifer Massey
renandstimpy3 at comcast.net
Thu Jul 16 01:46:04 UTC 2009
he has been in our lives for 3 years now and we plan to get married. He
basically treats the kids very well and spends a lot of time with them. I
will try the suggestion you made about telling her she is a big girl and
needs to help out instead of causing troubles.
Jennifer
----- Original Message -----
From: "Leanne Merren" <leemer02 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, July 15, 2009 2:11 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Help
> Hi Jennifer,
> May I ask how long your boyfriend has been in the picture? Is this fairly
> new to your daughter, or has he been around for a while?
> In my experience, my kids, especially my oldest, will act out whenever a
> situation is displeasing to them. For instance, my husband travels a lot,
> and every time he leaves I have to be ready to endure at least a few days
> of disobedience and misbehavior from my son. If I constantly punish him,
> he gets worse and blames me for why he hates for my husband to be gone.
> It's a vicious cycle. So I sat down and had a talk with him, explaining
> that I understand he gets upset when Daddy leaves, but that it isn't an
> excuse to misbehave. I asked him if he can be more responsible when Daddy
> is gone, and be a big help to me so that he and I can get along and things
> can be easier on both of us. That seemed to work pretty well. I
> acknowledged his feelings, and put more control in his hands. Is there a
> way you could apply this to your own situation? Maybe tell your daughter
> that she hurts your boyfriends, and your feelings with her behavior, and
> that you are depending on her to be a big girl when you are gone? You
> know her best so maybe think about how you can relate to her feelings and
> express your own. Just an idea. Incidentally, my son is extremely
> sneaky, and he has always taken advantage of our blindness, but I keep
> telling him that it's the eyes in the back of my head that matter, and I
> know what he's up to. He has slowed down on the sneaky behavior since
> he's been punished for trying to deceive us so much. It has been a good
> lesson about trust. He is just a control freak by nature, so the more
> control we give him, without letting him walk all over us, the happier he
> is and the more he behaves. Boosting his ego and praising him for what he
> does to help makes a tremendous difference.
> Hope some of this helps.
> Leanne
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Jennifer Massey
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Sent: Wednesday, July 15, 2009 12:52 AM
> Subject: [blparent] Help
>
>
> My boyfriend has no vision but my children do. He watches them 2 or 3
> days a week sometimes for more then 8 hours a day. My daughter who will
> be 6 soon told him today that she does the things that she does that are
> bad because he can't see her do them. This hurt him very much. We are
> not sure what to do at this point and any advice would be helpful. I have
> tried spending extra time with her when I can and giving her some positive
> attention. This week we have swimming which we always do together not
> only has a family but we each take some individual time with both of the
> kids, we also are taking both the kids to a carnival on friday and we are
> all going to the zoo on saturday. We really try to spend as much time as
> we can with them in the positive and not sure why my daughter is lashing
> out so much towards him in general. When I am at home she doesn't do this
> and when she is with her dad and his wife she doesn't do it either. Just
> with him.
>
> Jennifer and Dustin
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