[blparent] Help

[Jennifer Massey]

he has been in our lives for 3 years now and we plan to get married.  He 
basically treats the kids very well and spends a lot of time with them.  I 
will try the suggestion you made about telling her she is a big girl and 
needs to help out instead of causing troubles.

Jennifer

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Leanne Merren" <leemer02 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, July 15, 2009 2:11 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Help


> Hi Jennifer,
> May I ask how long your boyfriend has been in the picture?  Is this fairly 
> new to your daughter, or has he been around for a while?
> In my experience, my kids, especially my oldest, will act out whenever a 
> situation is displeasing to them.  For instance, my husband travels a lot, 
> and every time he leaves I have to be ready to endure at least a few days 
> of disobedience and misbehavior from my son.  If I constantly punish him, 
> he gets worse and blames me for why he hates for my husband to be gone. 
> It's a vicious cycle.  So I sat down and had a talk with him, explaining 
> that I understand he gets upset when Daddy leaves, but that it isn't an 
> excuse to misbehave.  I asked him if he can be more responsible when Daddy 
> is gone, and be a big help to me so that he and I can get along and things 
> can be easier on both of us.  That seemed to work pretty well.  I 
> acknowledged his feelings, and put more control in his hands.  Is there a 
> way you could apply this to your own situation?  Maybe tell your daughter 
> that she hurts your boyfriends, and your feelings with her behavior, and 
> that you are depending on her to be a big girl when you are gone?  You 
> know her best so maybe think about how you can relate to her feelings and 
> express your own.  Just an idea.  Incidentally, my son is extremely 
> sneaky, and he has always taken advantage of our blindness, but I keep 
> telling him that it's the eyes in the back of my head that matter, and I 
> know what he's up to.  He has slowed down on the sneaky behavior since 
> he's been punished for trying to deceive us so much.  It has been a good 
> lesson about trust.  He is just a control freak by nature, so the more 
> control we give him, without letting him walk all over us, the happier he 
> is and the more he behaves.  Boosting his ego and praising him for what he 
> does to help makes a tremendous difference.
> Hope some of this helps.
> Leanne
>  ----- Original Message ----- 
>  From: Jennifer Massey
>  To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>  Sent: Wednesday, July 15, 2009 12:52 AM
>  Subject: [blparent] Help
>
>
>  My boyfriend has no vision but my children do. He watches them 2 or 3 
> days a week sometimes for more then 8 hours a day.  My daughter who will 
> be 6 soon told him today that she does the things that she does that are 
> bad because he can't see her do them.  This hurt him very much.  We are 
> not sure what to do at this point and any advice would be helpful.  I have 
> tried spending extra time with her when I can and giving her some positive 
> attention.  This week we have swimming which we always do together not 
> only has a family but we each take some individual time with both of the 
> kids, we also are taking both the kids to a carnival on friday and we are 
> all going to the zoo on saturday.  We really try to spend as much time as 
> we can with them in the positive and not sure why my daughter is lashing 
> out so much towards him in general.  When I am at home she doesn't do this 
> and when she is with her dad and his wife she doesn't do it either.  Just 
> with him.
>
>  Jennifer and Dustin
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