[blparent] Restroom Stall ! CUTE

[Veronica Smith]

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin
 
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in
the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you
never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully
cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished
the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible
voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
 
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with
me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom
that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second
to the last stall:
 
''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper
on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the
potty?''
 
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in
the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5?
Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut
out of this stall and reveal my identity.
 
Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a
good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on
the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to
see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are
gonna get some candy!''
 
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This
was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time
before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in
Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have
some!''
 
''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''
 
He started to gag at this point.
 
''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are
making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''
 
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I
quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the
subject.. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other
toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that
those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
 
''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
stinkies! Get up! Get up!''
 
He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown
laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you
wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you
wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''
 
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
situation.
''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to
wash your hands? I want to go out!!''
 
I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies
crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
 
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's
the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every
bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big,
cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little
hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as
Mommy to this little fellow.
 
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives
with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses
public restrooms)
 
You must pass this on to all the mothers who have had embarrassing
moments with their children. Isn't it great to be a parent!!!
		

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