[blparent] [Bulk] "General public" and their impressions

Sat Jun 6 12:47:10 UTC 2009

It's interesting about hospital social workers.  I actually was lucky enough
to have a good experience with the social worker who visited me after Austin
was born.  She seemed to stick to standard questions.  She did ask if I had
everything ready for the baby; actually she didn't quite put it that way.
She asked if we had a crib or a bassinette, a car seat, etc.  I could hear
that she was taking notes and checking things off a list.  The hospital
where Austin was born often deals with high risk and very poor moms and
dads, so I felt a lot of the questions were based on the fact that so many
people who pass through really do need a lot more help and services.  I was
also offered WIC.  I don't know if this was standard or not, but I just said
I knew we made too much to qualify and I was left alone.  The person who
made me the most nervous was a doctor--not the one who delivered Austin--who
kept asking if I had help at home, and if I thought I could manage because
of my "handicap."  Luckily, even though I was still in labor and not in the
best mood, I managed to answer him calmly and firmly and nothing else was
said.  Then there was this extremely annoying nurse who was completely
thrilled because I could find the toilet paper in the bathroom and I
"navigated so well!"  She questioned my ability to nurse because it's "a
very visual thing to know when the baby's mouth is open so you can stick the
nipple in.  Are you really committed to nursing?"  Thank goodness I knew my
sister, who is also blind, nursed three babies successfully, and that I was
committed to nursing unless there really was a reason I couldn't--such as my
body not making enough milk, or Austin really having difficulties of some
other kind.  So, I was firm on that point as well.  It is amazing though
simply how uneducated the public is!  I love the people who ask me if I had
someone come in to "adapt" my house for the baby.  Yes, there are child
proofing companies and they are great if you want to use them, but I think
it's crazy for people to believe that just because we're blind we don't know
what is dangerous for a baby or small child.
Melissa

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Tammy, Paul and Colyn
Sent: Friday, June 05, 2009 6:52 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] [Bulk] "General public" and their impressions

Hi,

Oh I hate hospital social workers!  I know they're there to assess mother's 
and families taking their babies home from the hospital and the only way to 
do that is to ask questions.  I don't mind that, but really, some of the 
questions I got asked when I was in there with Remus were ridiculous. 
First, I was still in a lot of pain so I was stumbling around still on pain 
meds trying to get nursing established, and not really feeling like 
visitors.  Well this guy didn't even knock, just came in, and stood there. 
I asked who was there thinking it might be a nurse or Paul or somebody. 
Anyway, he introduced himself and I asked if he could come back later when 
my husband was back because I didn't feel comfortable being interviewed when

I felt so bad.  He said no, that this was the only time he had.  So I said 
I'd answering his questions, and of course the first one was do I had 
sighted help when I got home.  I lied and said I had sighted help even 
though I had help but the person, my best friend, was going to be around. 
Then he wanted to know what I anticipated my friends and neighbours doing 
for me, and I thought it was one of the oddest questions I'd ever heard and 
told him so.  I asked him what he anticipates his neighbours doing for him 
in the next 2 months, and he got the point.  I asked him a bunch of 
questions including what happens if he doesn't like my answers.  He told me 
that he files a report with child services and they follow up, but that the 
hospital wouldn't be allowed to let the baby go home with me if cps was 
called.  So everything went well, but it's amazing how straight these people

can be.  He asked me if I had everything ready for the baby to come home, 
and I was getting a little fed up with his questions so I acted surprised 
and I said OH you mean I have to take the baby home?  He really did think I 
was serious, and after 25 minutes of talking to me you think he'd loosen up 
a little bit.  lol  Anyway, social workers alwyas make me nervous, but they 
really do look out for the best interests of the child, well most of them 
do.

Tammy
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Karla Hudson" <HudsonKC at msu.edu>
To: <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, June 05, 2009 6:17 PM
Subject: [Bulk] [blparent] "General public" and their impressions

> Hi group,
>
> I have been a silent observer watching the discussion about the "blind
> parent meeting" and topics to be covered.
>
> The discussion that Tammy had with her mail man hit a note with me.  I
> sometimes get from people responses like "I bet your daughter is a great
> help to you."  My husband and I have a solid answer "where it is age
> appropriate."  If you allow people to go there with the twisted way the
> "general public" thinks they will have the impression that your children 
> are
> doing the laundry, cooking the meals and reading your mail.  I really 
> think
> that many sighted people are that clueless.  I do not want to discount the
> stuff my children do accomplish but care giving of their parents is just
> absurd by sighted adults.  I mean really haven't these people had children
> and learned the capacity of a four year-old! Okay, so that is my "soap 
> box"
> about that one.
>
> As far as stats and real numbers.  The organizations of the blind should
> probably give some real substantiated data.  However, there is no 
> substitute
> for real life stories.
>
> We did have an interesting situation with a hospital Social worker and 
> nurse
> who had 27 years experience with the hospital, when we gave birth to our
> first child.  Even though my doctor had done some prep work with writing a
> letter in our file indicating our independent abilities.  I later found 
> out
> that the hospital Social worker had not even taken the time to read our 
> file
> before meeting with us.  She was later reprimanded by the CEO of the
> hospital.  We were also offered WIC.  I have no problem with WIC but she
> failed to again read that both my husband and I were employed and made too
> much to qualify.  I am sure the Social Worker was made even more 
> embarrassed
> to find out that her husband and mine were both working together on a 
> major
> project at their employer.  What a small world for this lady who made so
> many mistakes.
>
> I think by sharing our stories we let other couples no what they are up
> against and help them hope for the best but prepare for the worst when it
> comes to the "general public" and hospital experiences when having their
> children.  I would be interested to know if more blind individuals are
> bothered by CPS when they are blind couples or single blind parents.  I
> would bet these couples and single parents are targeted more often.  The
> hospital seemed pretty insistent that I have sighted help when I came 
> home.
> I lied and told them we did but in fact one of their hospital employees, a
> good friend of mine, who happened to be blind as well was coming to help.
> Joke was on them!
>
> So that is my story in a nut shell.  There are more details about the 
> first
> go around with the birth in the hospital.  I won't drag on with all the
> details.  The second time around things went much better with our son.
>
> Our daughter is now seven and just finished first grade.  Who says to 
> blind
> people can't raise a kid!  By the way I have two friends both in their 
> late
> 80's who raised ten kids.  Back in the day nobody question their abilities
> or sent CPS.  I guess everyone new just to stay out of others business 
> that
> families took care of their own.
>
> Karla Hudson
>
>
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