[blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit

Mon Nov 30 17:35:05 UTC 2009

Hi Rhonda,
That is frustrating for sure.  Something I've tried doing is to let someone 
that I feel I can trust know about a certain behavior and ask them to watch 
for it.  If our kids are off playing with other kids, we're not going to 
know what they're doing every second and we can't keep them glued to our 
side.  So I figured this is a good alternative.  For instance, if Mason is 
playing with children who are younger than him, he tends to get very bossy 
and territorial.  He can be very helpful too, but sometimes he needs to be 
in control and forgets to be nice about it.  So I'll let another adult know 
to let me know about it.  My thought is that if they know that I'm on to 
this behavior, they feel better approaching me when something is going on 
that needs my attention.  I actually had to do this when I went to a play 
group with Kaelyn, and there were 12 other babies there of the same age. 
Kaelyn was going through a pushing phase and I had to tell the other moms to 
let me know if she pushed any of the other kids so I could put her in time 
out.  I had never met any of them before, and I didn't want any of them to 
assume she got away with it just because I couldn't see her do it, or worse, 
try to discipline my child for me.  It's annoying to have to depend on 
others to keep us informed, but I guess that's just how it has to be 
sometimes.
Leanne
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Rhonda Scott" <earthmagic7 at sbcglobal.net>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, November 30, 2009 8:57 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit


> Our son is 10, but sometimes lately he has taken to trying to pull the 
> wool
> over our eyes, so to speak, as neither my husband or I can see. So our
> situation is different from having a toddler. What would bother me the 
> most
> is if friends and family made the comments about seeing or not seeing, and 
> I
> would feel disrespected. As I said in an earlier post, our Deven has some
> learning and emotional challenges. So on a couple of occasions at family 
> get
> togethers, we've had some minor conflicts between Deven and other kids. 
> I'm
> writing because your situations reminded me of how we felt when we heard
> that another mom at a Labor Day function told 1 of her boys, when he came 
> to
> her and shared with her something Deven was doing to upset some of the 
> kids,
> not to worry because his parents would be leaving soon, and taking him 
> with
> them, then things would be better.
>
> My husband and I sometimes feel angry and helpless because we can't
> constantly spy, or keep close tabs on Deven. We trust him to some degree,
> but there are some challenges with trust and we know his behaviors. So for
> us, I think it's going to become a matter of gaining our family's respect 
> as
> blind parents. At this point we feel they don't really think outside the 
> box
> that gee, both Rhonda and Steve are blind and how can they parent this
> child?
>
> Rhonda
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "E. Tarr" <esquared100 at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, November 29, 2009 11:49 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit
>
>
> As with teaching any other behavior, I would say that earlier is
> better--when the child is at the age where he is able to understand
> commands.
> Ellen Elizabeth
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (IS)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at ngc.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, November 20, 2009 12:35 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit
>
>
>> What age is this technique best started with?
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>> On Behalf Of E. Tarr
>> Sent: Thursday, November 19, 2009 11:36 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit
>>
>>
>>    I don't think that you are over reacting at all when it comes to
>> asking
>> that your husband and other sighted people  who may watch your daughter
>> to
>> be consistent with the no chasing rule.  I myself would also not
>> appreciate
>> such comments made by sighted people.  My husband and I have encountered
>> a
>> similar challenge because we did not consistently enforce rules with our
>>
>> son.  For example, when I take our son out alone, I always require him
>> to
>> hold my hand at all times.  However, when he has gone out with my
>> husband
>> who is sighted and me together, he has been less compliant because he
>> was
>> used to having more freedom as my husband can see him from a distance.
>> Fortunately, we are making progress concerning this because of his age
>> and
>> because we have tried to commit to enforcing these techniques that work
>> well
>> for blind parents.  It has been more difficult because we started
>> implementing them later than the age that is most effective and because
>> of
>> our differing styles of supervision.
>>    If all caregivers practice the same techniques with sarah at this
>> young
>> age, I believe that it will benefit everyone, and it will be  easier for
>> her
>> to obey you and respect what you say and do.  I hope that this made
>> sense.
>> sometimes the thoughts in my head don't translate well into writing.
>> Ellen Elizabeth
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at pcdesk.net>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Thursday, November 19, 2009 3:56 PM
>> Subject: [blparent] Changing a Troubling Habit
>>
>>
>>> I've been coming up against a situation that is troubling me a little,
>> and
>>> I'm looking for some feedback.  I guess I need to know whether I'm
>>> overreacting, and there's nothing to be worried about, or if there is
>>> something to be concerned about and what I ought to do.
>>>
>>> Sarah is almost 21 months old now, and I stay at home with her.  She
>> holds
>>> my hand when we leave the house, and I've also got one of those animal
>>
>>> backpack harnesses for her.  But around the house, she's taken to
>> running
>>> away from me when it's time for me to change her diaper or put her to
>> bed
>>> and she isn't interested in doing those things.  I know that's normal
>>> toddler behavior, so I don't take it personally.  But I also know
>> there's
>>> no way I can chase her and catch up with her, so I don't want to set
>> that
>>> up as a pattern.  I just stay in one place and call her, keeping the
>> mood
>>> light, and she usually comes to me soon enough.  No big deal.
>>>
>>> The problem is, her dad and some sighted friends have chased her and
>>> scooped her up, and a couple of times I've heard them say stuff like,
>>> "Well, I can see, so I don't have to wait for you to come to me," or
>> "It's
>>> hard to get away from someone who can see you, isn't it?"
>>>
>>> My worry is, will this start establishing the idea in Sarah's mind
>> that
>>> Mom can't see, so she can't keep up, or she can't do what needs doing?
>> I
>>> don't think anybody has meant to be harmful or thoughtless, but
>> wouldn't
>>> it be better to have everybody following the no chasing rule?  If so,
>> is
>>> there a practical, realistic way to break the chasing habit in other
>>> caregivers, or at least stop the comments?
>>>
>>> Thanks for thinking about this with me.
>>>
>>>
>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>
>>> Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always
>> glorify
>>> the hunters.--African Proverb
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>
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