[blparent] Looking for Literature orothersuggestionsforeducating my new DR. On parenting as aBlind person

Sat Apr 3 02:47:47 UTC 2010

It's hard, but I think sometimes you have to just let the ignorant questions 
roll off your back.  There was a middle-aged woman who picked me up recently 
so I could visit a local writing group at the library, and she said, "My 
goodness, you and your little girl don't live in this house by yourselves, 
do you?"  I thought it was odd, but I told her no, Sarah's dad came home 
every night.  She said, "Good, I'd just hate to think of you two trying to 
get along all by yourselves."

I guess I could have gotten defensive, or I could have explained to her that 
I do most of the work of parenting even when Daddy's around, but I felt like 
it wasn't worth the effort.  I probably wouldn't change her mind.  A doctor 
is someone worth educating because he or she can have a big impact on your 
life, and the lives of those who follow.  A greeter at Wal-Mart, or a 
passing acquaintance--well, all I can say is, pick your battles.  Good luck 
to those of you who have more patience and intestinal fortitude than I do.

Jo Elizabeth

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Joy Wolf" <joy at kevinlwolf.net>
Sent: Friday, April 02, 2010 6:46 PM
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Looking for Literature 
orothersuggestionsforeducating my new DR. On parenting as aBlind person

> Oh my goodness! Now that's a question I've never gotten before.  How could
> anyone even ask such a thing? Hmmm, well, I guess there are all kinds of
> people in this crazy world, but wow!
>
> I usually do try to answer questions too, but am not always in the mood to
> educate, on the other hand either.  There is this person at Walmart, I 
> think
> she must be a greeter or something, that will not leave me alone when I go
> in there.  She is constantly asking me who's helping me at home, how I 
> feed
> the kids, how I get them dressed and on and on and, you get the idea.  At
> first I tried to answer her but when I realized she's not getting it and 
> is
> going to continue to ask the same questions again and again, I got
> frustrated with her.  So, one day, when I walked in, she was at it again.
> She had the nerve to say something like, "well, I'm hoping you aren't
> thinking of having any more kids".  I can't say what took over, but 
> without
> missing a beat I answered that I was just getting started and hoped to 
> have
> another 8 or 9 kids.  And do you know, she has not said a single word to 
> me
> since.  Lol, aren't I awful? This really is the exception, but there are
> those out there who just are not going to believe that we could ever be
> parents and properly care for kids.  I honestly don't hesitate to answer 
> the
> questions of those who seem genuinely curious and/or unsure of how 
> something
> could be done though.  Take care.
>
> Joy and family
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Leanne Merren
> Sent: Wednesday, March 31, 2010 9:40 AM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Looking for Literature or
> othersuggestionsforeducating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person
>
> Joy,
> I think your post makes perfect sense.  You can't know what life is like 
> for
>
> someone else if you have never walked in their shoes.  I think blindness
> seems like the worse possible thing that could happen to someone, because
> sight is everything to them.  So they wonder how in the world we could
> manage to raise children, or even take care of ourselves for that matter,
> without being able to see.
> I recently posted something on facebook that generated a lot of
> conversation.  I had an older man at my church say to me "You're pretty
> happy for a blind person."  At first I had no idea how to respond to that,
> but then I realized that what he was trying to say was that I obviously
> didn't mind being blind, and that I am happy with the life I have.  So I
> thanked him.  Sure it probably could have been said in a much nicer way, 
> but
>
> knowing this man as I do, that's just him, and it didn't offend me.  He is
> always asking me questions, and I always answer him.
> Now, there was the lady who I had never met before, who had the nerve to 
> ask
>
> me how I know if my period is starting, and that threw me for a loop. lol
> You just never know what people will ask.
> Leanne
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Joy Wolf" <joy at kevinlwolf.net>
> To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 10:21 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Looking for Literature or other
> suggestionsforeducating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person
>
>
>>I totally agree here.  After all, if this doctor, or any other 
>>professional
>> for that matter, has questions or concerns, and we leave him/her 
>> wondering
>> about the answers, I think that is leaving those questions open to often
>> lacking knowledge and faulty interpretations.  Not sure if that makes
>> sense,
>> but I guess my thought is if I don't tell him, who will? One other thing
>> that I have learned over the years is this.  I used to get very defensive
>> about questions that were asked and concerns raised, some of them
>> downright
>> ridiculous, to be honest.  It took me a very long time to understand that
>> as
>> individuals, all we really have to go by are our own life experiences.
>> So,
>> having said that, someone who is sighted often has absolutely no earthly
>> idea how they themselves would do something if they were blind.  So, I
>> think
>> that often times it is that person's own insecurity and even fear that we
>> see, and maybe not a direct judgment on us as blind parents, employees,
>> patients, or whatever the case might be.  Sorry if this doesn't make
>> sense,
>> I'm having a very long and rather tough week, so little sleep, lol.  I
>> just
>> think that in order to show a person where we are coming from, so to
>> speak,
>> it helps to remember that that person is likely in a very different 
>> place,
>> especially if he or she is asking a ton of silly questions.  Have a great
>> week everyone.
>>
>> Joy and family
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Veronica Smith
>> Sent: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 9:10 PM
>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Looking for Literature or other suggestions
>> foreducating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person
>>
>> For one I think you made a wise choice sticking with that doctor.  You do
>> need to educate him so if he ever has another blind patient he will know
>> what they are capable of.  I would find a good colonel book that deals
>> with
>> similar situations and give it to him, this is what I have done time and
>> time again.  Maybe the fact that he wrote the words blind on your form is
>> not necessarily a bad thing, you don't want techs assuming you can see,
>> when
>> it will be better for you if they describe procedures.  You go girl! V
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Miranda Borka
>> Sent: Tuesday, March 30, 2010 11:37 AM
>> To: blparent at NFBnet.org
>> Subject: [blparent] Looking for Literature or other suggestions for
>> educating my new DR. On parenting as a Blind person
>>
>> Hi,
>> I recently found out that my insurance covers a private doctor in my 
>> city,
>> and I had my first appointment with him yesterday. Part of this
>> appointment
>> involved my physical for our fostercare-adoption process.
>> After seeing the form, the doctor said, "I'm not wanting to sound rude,
>> but
>> how do you plan to parent a child? Will the children be Blind since you
>> are?" I told him that the children would not be Blind, and that it is
>> difficult to find a child in the U.S fostercare system who is Blind
>> without
>> that child having other multiple special needs. He then asked, "Is your
>> husband sighted?" I again answered "No." He asked, "I'm sure you can hear
>> a
>> pin drop, but how would that make you able to parent?" I reassured him
>> that
>> I knew of many successful parents who just happened to be Blind, and that
>> it
>> was not impossible. I further explained that although as a parent who
>> happens to be Blind I may need to make some adaptions, it was not
>> impossible.
>> Although very shocked and amazed, he seemed satisfied with my response,
>> and
>> clearly admitted to never knowing a Blind person who could or wanted to 
>> be
>
>> a
>> parent. In the end, he put on my foster-adopt physical form, "She is
>> Blind,
>> but very capable and ambitious." Although I do wish he wouldn't have made
>> my
>> Blindness a point on the form (as it had already been noted", I figured 
>> it
>> best to leave well enough alone.
>>
>> I have had friends suggest I leave this doctor and go to a more 
>> respectful
>> doctor. However, I disagree. First, I am aware that it is a fact that 
>> most
>> of the sighted general public are uneducated about Blindness and aspects
>> of
>> living as a person who is Blind like parenting. I can't run away from
>> these
>> situations, as it would not only deepen the stereotype that Blind people
>> are
>> not independent, but it would not set a good example of how to handle
>> adverse situations to anyone watching (including our children when they
>> enter our home).
>> Furthermore, as my doctor said,  he was uneducated about Blindness and 
>> the
>> ability for a person who is Blind to parent. I don't believe that walking
>> away from this doctor would aid in educating him, and I honestly felt
>> sorry
>> for him and his lack of education. I'll admit to feeling initially
>> defensive
>> at his insessent questioning of my capability to parent, but I suddenly
>> wanted to educate him.
>>
>> Whether my doctor realizes it or not, he has challenged me to go in to my
>> next appointment (or contact his office) very equipped with information,
>> materials and/or knowledge to educate and empower him to understand and
>> work
>> with myself and any other Blind person he comes in contact with who is or
>> wishes to be a parent.
>>
>> I write all of this to ask for your feedback. Can anyone of you share how
>> you've dealt with situations like this? Can you share any literature,
>> materials or anything I can provide my doctor so he can see for himself
>> that
>> what I am saying is indeed true? I want him to be able to be informed, 
>> and
>> not to just take my word for it.
>> Any feedback and ideas would be greatly appreciated.
>> Thanks in advance, and have a great week!
>>
>> In Christ, Miranda
>>
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