[blparent] need to think something out

Wed Apr 7 03:44:10 UTC 2010

Scott, I bet you are a really good dad and everyone has those kinds of days
where you think your children will drive you to drinking.  I thought,
though, this only happened when they turned 10. Smile!  When mom's are the
primary care giver, they start talking about mom's night out, maybe you need
time with other dads or maybe one night a week you and Cindy should  have a
date night, just the 2 of you.  My husband and I were married 16 years
before Gab came into our lives and it was hard, to say the least, we were
used to popping out to the lake anytime we wanted or just  going, but all
that comes to a crashing halt when you add a tiny tornado into the equation.
Be patient, it will all work out.  But instead of growling at her, growl
into the nearest pillow and please throw it instead of your prescious baby.
V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Scott Lawlor
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 3:52 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out

Hi.

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement.

I'm going to hang in there so I told Cindy that she'll just have to fire me 
more.  It's a running joke in the family that when I do something goofy, she

says "You're fired".  She's going to teach Leah to say that too so hearing 
it from a 3 year old will be quite amusing.

I've often wondered if dad's get ppd so maybe I'll google it while the baby 
is napping.

Scott
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Allie" <alliemartins at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 2:44 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out

> Hi Scott,
>
> I am glad you decided to share this with us. It makes me feel a little 
> better that there are other people who are experiencing similar emotions 
> that I did soon after my daughter was born. I know they say that 
> postpartum depression isn't all that uncommon for moms, but how about 
> dads?
>
> How much time are you and Cindy spending together now that you have the 
> baby? I think that is one of the things that it's easy to forget about 
> with the added responsibility of a child. Your relationship with Cindy 
> needs as much nurturing and attention now as it did before the baby was 
> born. A few hours alone to do things that you enjoy together can make all 
> the difference!
>
> I know it isn't of much comfort to have people say to you that infancy is 
> short-lived. I was there, and I remember the agony and stress of some of 
> those days, but I promise it gets a little easier. Right now you have a 
> tiny baby who is completely vulnerable and dependent on you and Cindy for 
> all her needs. That is stressful, especially if you ever feel like you 
> might be the only one who does most of the caregiving. Soon she'll be 
> holding her own bottle and crawling around and running and talking up a 
> storm and getting into things she shouldn't. Those are all different 
> phases in her life that will be fun and challenging in their own way. 
> <SMILE>
>
> When you write up a list of the most important people in your life, are 
> you at the top of that list? For many people, the answer is no. It's so 
> easy to keep doing for others and forget about our needs. Your daughter is

> important, maybe one of the most important people in your world, but you 
> need to be most important. It's not selfish to want some time to yourself.

> Take it if you need it. Parents are not supposed to have superhuman 
> abilities.
>
> Don't make any life-altering decisions just yet, because it's really easy 
> to think negatively when you're stressed out. I really believe that you 
> are stressed out, and if your feelings of resentment about the baby don't 
> go away, you might need to seek out a third party's help.
>
> Hang in there.
> -- Allie
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Scott Lawlor" <sklawlor at mac.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 10:01 AM
> Subject: [blparent] need to think something out
>
>
>> Hi.
>>
>> I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I could 
>> use a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as maybe just 
>> using the group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.
>>
>> Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on her.

>> She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood anyway so

>> I was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very over the top.
>>
>> Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a 
>> little. Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and I 
>> don't think I can go through the baby stage again, no matter how 
>> temporary things are.
>> She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me does and

>> part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because it's quite 
>> ambivalent.
>>
>> For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that much 
>> honestly, I take care of the baby alright.
>>
>> I just don't know.  It's not a question of whether either one of us is 
>> worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for either 
>> her or I actually.
>>
>> But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that and 
>> it won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.
>>
>> I'm not sure if resent is the right word.
>>
>> We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I clean up

>> and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and I'm better with

>> the laundry.
>>
>> Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but 
>> taking care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.
>>
>> It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all that.

>> I'm not sure what it is exactly.
>>
>> I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.
>>
>> I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to decide 
>> right now whether to leave or not.  She did say though that if I wanted 
>> to leave, it would be better now than later.
>>
>> I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a 
>> support role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.
>>
>> I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding her and

>> I had this image of me throwing her through the window, not a pretty 
>> image and I'd never do something like that but those sorts of things 
>> really concern me.
>>
>> No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I 
>> haven't enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited about

>> having this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted this child 
>> more than I.   I do better with kids who can actually talk and who can at

>> least tell you what they need to some extent.
>>
>> I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to write 
>> some things out a bit.
>>
>>
>>
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>
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