[blparent] need to think something out

Thu Apr 8 21:23:00 UTC 2010

I don't believe that most people ever truly think of harming their babies or 
getting rid of them.  I never had those thoughts, but then again, I was 
older and had waited a very long time for my baby, too.  I think most people 
are just speaking out of ordinary tiredness and frustration.  I did 
sometimes feel overwhelmed, or like I was inadequate for the job of 
parenting.  I still get frustrated or down on myself at times.  But any 
thoughts of explicitly harming a baby, especially anything that lasts longer 
than a split second in exasperation, should probably be taken seriously and 
discussed with a professional, just to be on the safe side.  There are a lot 
of advertisements on the radio right now about shaken baby syndrome, which 
can happen in no time at all, just a quick shake, and it's really sad.  The 
ads recommend putting the baby down in a safe place like a crib or somewhere 
and walking away if you feel yourself building up to the crisis point.  I 
don't ever remember feeling like that, but I do recall sitting in a chair 
with a screaming baby during the third hour of nonstop crying, having no 
more idea at all what to do, and thinking I wasn't going to be a good 
parent.  It all comes out in different ways, but most of the problem is 
probably just exhaustion and a lack of confidence, which will usually take 
care of themselves with time.

Jo Elizabeth
--------------------------------------------------
From: "Veronica Smith" <madison_tewe at spinn.net>
Sent: Thursday, April 08, 2010 3:15 PM
To: "'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out

> Maybe because I waited 16 years to have my darling daughter or maybe 
> because
> I was almost 40 when I had her, but not once did I ever think of harming 
> her
> or getting rid of her and anything but holding an dloving her.  All that 
> you
> all say, boggles my brain. V
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Tina Ivey
> Sent: Wednesday, April 07, 2010 3:03 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] need to think something out
>
> Taking of a baby is not easy.  It is normal to think about getting rid of 
> a
> baby at times.  Please remember that htis is temporary.  Tina
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Scott Lawlor" <sklawlor at mac.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, April 06, 2010 1:01 PM
> Subject: [blparent] need to think something out
>
>
>> Hi.
>>
>> I hope you guys will indulge me as I think aloud a bit and maybe I could
>> use a bit of input, not necessarily what to do so much as maybe just 
>> using
>
>> the group as a sounding board of sorts if that's alright.
>>
>> Earlier this morning I was watching the baby and putting a diaper on her.
>> She was very wiggly and crying and I wasn't in a very good mood anyway so
>> I was annoyed and actually growled at her which was very over the top.
>>
>> Cindy asked me if I regretted having a kid and I said that I did a 
>> little.
>
>> Add to this the notion that she really wants another one and I don't 
>> think
>
>> I can go through the baby stage again, no matter how temporary things 
>> are.
>> She asked me if I wanted to leave and I told her that part of me does and
>> part of me doesn't, an answer that I hate giving because it's quite
>> ambivalent.
>>
>> For the most part, I'm happy here and though I don't enjoy it that much
>> honestly, I take care of the baby alright.
>>
>> I just don't know.  It's not a question of whether either one of us is
>> worried about being single and alone, that's not a big deal for either 
>> her
>
>> or I actually.
>>
>> But she says if I'm going to resent a child, she'll pick up on that and 
>> it
>
>> won't be healthy for her or the rest of the family.
>>
>> I'm not sure if resent is the right word.
>>
>> We compliment each other in so many ways though, she cooks and I clean up
>> and do the dishes, she's way better with the finances and I'm better with
>> the laundry.
>>
>> Like I said, for the most part, I enjoy my life here with Cindy but 
>> taking
>
>> care of a baby, I'm not so sure of all that sometimes.
>>
>> It's not the work so much, the extra laundry, the diapering and all that.
>> I'm not sure what it is exactly.
>>
>> I know I enjoy my alone time more now than I used to I think.
>>
>> I hate feeling conflicted like this and it's not like I have to decide
>> right now whether to leave or not.  She did say though that if I wanted 
>> to
>
>> leave, it would be better now than later.
>>
>> I felt more comfortable and more capable when I was exclusively in a
>> support role, doing the laundry and all that other stuff.
>>
>> I remember she was crying really hard one time when I was holding her and
>> I had this image of me throwing her through the window, not a pretty 
>> image
>
>> and I'd never do something like that but those sorts of things really
>> concern me.
>>
>> No, being a parent of a new baby hasn't been exciting for me and I 
>> haven't
>
>> enjoyed it nearly as much as Cindy has and I wasn't excited about having
>> this kid and I think it's safe to say that she wanted this child more 
>> than
>
>> I.   I do better with kids who can actually talk and who can at least 
>> tell
>
>> you what they need to some extent.
>>
>> I hope I haven't rambled too much but I just felt that I needed to write
>> some things out a bit.
>>
>>
>>
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>
>
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